Josh Sibley, singer/songwriter, is handsome, talented, smart and headed for oblivion. Alcohol provides relief when his demons threaten to overwhelm his every effort to break free of his past. When his friend Jennie Seger arranges for him to write songs for a multi-million-dollar feature, all his doubts and fears fall away, and he embraces the opportunity like a starving man who has found a bounteous feast during a famine. Lightning strikes his lonely heart in the form of singer/actress Lila Levy who is married to the producer of the movie and flaunts her sexuality at Josh knowing her breathtaking beauty more than makes up for her lack of talent. Knowing his love for Lila is doomed from the start, he overlooks her shortcomings and keeps his feelings under wraps as he teaches her to sing his songs. But this is Hollywood, and nothing is as it seems. Lila has secrets that Josh cannot begin to fathom and doesn’t want to know. When her husband Stan is murdered, Lila disappears and Josh is confronted by the woman determined to track her down - Sergeant Rosemaria Baker of the Beverly Hills Police Department. Rosemaria is the opposite of Lila; hates show business and considers Josh a delusional loser. When the cops track down Lila and bring her in, Lila declares herself innocent and the fight for the soul of Josh Sibley begins.
To my parents my dream of working as an actress was a sin. After I began looking for acting jobs in L.A. I received nothing but discouragement from my mother. My father never talked to me. My mother took a special trip to L.A. to try to talk me into going back to school and becoming a lawyer. But still I persisted and eventually found work. After I played a devout Amish girl in a mini series How the West Was Won and my mother's friends raved about me, suddenly acting was not a sin anymore. After I moved to WA to be with her in her declining years she was downright excited when my agent in Seattle or Vancouver, BC would call. "You have an addition!" She say in her heavy Norwegian accent. Now that she's gone she often returns in my dreams and I love those moments. She finally got to know me towards the end and was proud of me, a sinner no more.
The reason I love reading true crime is not because I love murder but because I love reading about detectives who go all out to find the perpetrators. In my next book Avarice, my cop/prosecutor shares her frustration with co workers about something that frustrates me as well - families who unite in their support of young psychopaths who commit murder. In the Netflix Israeli documentary, The Motive, a fourteen year old kills his parents and two sisters. Cops and therapists cannot figure out his motive. His family doted on him and showered him with love. Those of us who have studied many cases like this know exactly what the motive was - he hated being stifled by his family and wanted them gone so he could inherit everything. That would happen if he could make a deal for manslaughter instead of murder. He was a brilliant boy and managed to do just that. After a few years in jail, his name, by law, kept secret, and supported by remaining family members, he is married with children, and is free to kill again should anyone irritate him. For someone who loves justice it was a difficult show to watch.
Last weekend I went to a fundraiser like no other fundraiser I had ever attended. It was for the Eastwood Ranch Foundation where Alison Eastwood and her husband Stacy Poitras were raising money to complete construction on the animal shelter they had both envisioned over five years ago. The exteriors, that look like a town out of the old west, are complete. All that is necessary now is to finish the interiors. Alison, with the full support of her husband and her family gave up her acting career and her directing career to make this dream come true - a place where lost, unwanted, and abused animals can find homes and a new lease on life. Every attendee at the fundraiser was an animal lover - some rich, some poor, some in between, but no one was a stranger that night. Everyone was unified in donating what they could to support Alison's dream. She is a beautiful lady, inside and out, with a heart as big as all outdoors. How fortunate for the animals that Clint and his wife produced a daughter like her.
For the past two weeks a little coyote pup has been wondering all over our condo complex by himself. Usually I see him trotting along the path among the trees on the hillside behind my building but I also see him walking through the carport by my car in the morning. He seems very much at home, not worried about us humans because no one is allowed to harm him. He's so cute, I almost want to call out to him and pet him. But, of course, he's a wild animal, and his family might be nearby. No need to tempt fate. While I enjoy running into the little guy, I also am very fond of the bunnies that live in and around the complex, and all over the Conejo (bunny in Spanish) Valley. I can't stand the thought of the coyotes terrifying them and tearing them to pieces. Living next to nature and being able to enjoy watching the birds and animals that are in abundance all around me, the cruelty of nature is nevertheless hurtful. I want them all to be vegetarians and not harm each other. I have to ask God when I see him, why he didn't make that so.
Most of the time living in a third floor, corner condo unit that backs up against the hillsides of the botanical gardens is an enjoyable thing - sitting on the balcony observing the trees, flowers, birds, squirrels, and bunnies is a pleasure. But there are also hawks, owls, and coyotes that are there to prey on animals that must run and hide when the predators show up. I know that the predators need food to survive but it's difficult to accept that those little bunnies that I love so much, as well as being wondrously sweet and cuddly, are a part of the cycle of nature. Lately a small coyote pup has been wondering around the complex. He shows no fear of any of us and it's all I can do to not coax him over for a pet. Coyotes as well as mountain lions run through our complex and relax on our lawns and never bother any of us humans. As long as we all respect each other - animals and humans, there is no problem. But, dang it! I love those bunnies and if I were God I would have made all animals vegetarians.
My cat Toughie, who I took in as a feral, is now at least 19 years old. Her two sons, Teenie and Baby Hughie have left me while Toughie has chosen to stay. She has long hair and has never been able to groom herself adequately and hard, thick clumps form all over her body. She's a very nervous girl and I was worried about taking her to a groomer several months ago but she came out of it with flying colors. Yesterday, I had a mobile groomer come to the house, figuring it would be less stressful for Toughie. The groomer was very fast and again Toughie has been shorn of all her dirty hair and had her nails cut. I thought I was doing the right thing, but maybe not. Today, she's acting very strange, sitting in the kitchen by her food bowl, not spending time on her usual pillow, and hiding underneath the bed. Maybe the trauma was too much for her. Maybe I should have just let her keep her matted fur and left her in peace, feeling secure in the safety of her home. I wanted her to be clean and comfortable. I hope I didn't make the wrong decision. I will spend all day with her and let her know she will always be safe.
The two doves that have been making nests on my deck railing for about four years are back. They didn't choose to build their nest in the thick bush that would have shielded them from the hawks that are everywhere in the hills above my home, no, they nested on the side railing where there is barely any cover. A few months ago, while the mother was sitting on her eggs, the father came to take her place and a hawk dived at him. I saw them both heading for the sliding door window. I shot out of my chair but the hawk hit hard and the dove flew off before I could open the door. The hawk got himself off the deck and flew off as well. Both doves disappeared and abandoned the eggs. I wondered if the father had survived. Then a few weeks ago I was relieved to see they were back and now are taking turns on the nest. I am fighting to keep from rearranging the vegetation to give them more cover. I don't want to call attention to their nest. I pray to God every day to protect my doves and their babies after they hatch. I decided I must have faith and let nature take its course without interfering. It's difficult, but I know it's for the best. I can't wait for the eggs to hatch and see the babies fly away. Then I'll be able to breathe again.
Today I was thinking about all the antivivisectionists that I used to know and work with and wondering what happened to them. Some have disappeared, some show up for a protest every once in a while, while others sign petitions online while avoiding looking at the brutal pictures at all cost. It's not easy being AV. Constantly dealing with cruelty in photos and videos can be soul killing. A lot of people can't take it for very long. So why am I still here after 40 years? The main answer is, it is my calling from God. The other answer is, I have a life outside of activism that is also purposeful and brings me pleasure - travel, seeing friends, listening to music, being a Seahawk fan. And I love getting lost in the lives of my Hollywood Mystery characters Josh and Rosemaria. I live through them, their accomplishments, their courage, and their love for each other. I find catharsis, so important when dealing with rage, in tracking down murderers along with my homicide cop/prosecutor Rosemaria and bringing them to justice. Swatting a tennis ball over the net for all you're worth, slamming a baseball into the outfield, hitting a punching bag at the gym. Pleasure and catharsis. I recommend them both for activism staying power. The monsters are out there. Don't let them win.
I was minding my own business, waiting at the bottom of the freeway off ramp that would lead me home when my car was rocked by what sounded like an explosion. My head jerked forward and back, my feet dug into the brake and the floor board and my ears began ringing like church bells on Christmas morning. A truck had crashed into me from behind. I was in shock for two days but I was grateful that the ER doctor told me I had no bleeding on the brain. Two weeks later the pains have lessened but my life has changed. My car was totaled and I have no money to buy a new one and so have to go through the steps at the DMV to do what it will take to drive a salvaged car. The shock has worn off and emotionally I'm getting back on track. Three days ago I once more found time to spend with Rosemaria and Josh who inhabit my Hollywood Mystery stories. Diving into their problems and forgetting my own is the best medicine of all. I look forward to more days spent with them until the account of their latest adventures arrives this fall in the form of AVARICE another Hollywood Mystery. I will enjoy every minute spent writing it.
My passion ever since I was in the third grade was to be an actress. It was what I loved and what I was good at, but I dared not tell my parents because everything to do with show business was a sin. So I did skits and plays in school and since they never paid attention to what I was doing in school except to read my report cards, I was learning my craft on stage. When I moved to Monterey, CA I was cast in several dinner theater plays in Carmel. I was in heaven. Then, after Clint Eastwood kindly put me in a movie and I earned my SAG card, my movie-TV career was launched. I always thought that I would be an actress for the rest of my life whether I worked in short films, independent films, TV, movies, theater, I would never stop until I dropped. But two and a half years ago when a "pandemic" I never believed in caused my union's board members to deny us the right to work if we didn't get jabbed, I couldn't even audition. The craziness has ended in most businesses but the SAG board is holding firm. I can only pray their eyes are opened soon and they allow all of us to once again do what we love to do.
Watching football, especially the Seahawks, is one of my pleasures in life. One of the feel good stories this season is seeing Geno Smith excel at quarterback for the Hawks. For years he was forced to remain in the shadows on every team he played for until finally this year with Russell Wilson gone, Geno was given his chance. And he has played beyond anyone's expectations. I hope I'm like Geno. For years I have been writing scripts, hoping to have one produced but never had one green lit by a studio. Three years ago I decided to write a low budget script and try to raise the money to produce it myself. I've done all the right things, have called, emailed, sent out my pitch deck, have had all the legalities taken care of and like Geno did, live on hope and stay prepared for my chance. Keeping hope alive is not easy in the face of rejection but even if I don't succeed, I have loved watching Geno live out his dream.
As I write about Noor, the black panther who is Josh's best friend, I always think of Misty, the panther who was like a daughter to my friend Larry. He raised her from a baby until he had to place her in a sanctuary where she could roam free. Whenever he visited her she was wild with excitement and jumped all over him. And whenever he left she stared through the fence as though her heart would break. Animals love, feel pain and fear, and deserve to be treated as special individuals - all of them. They don't deserve to be hunted, caged in factory farms, forced into slave labor for entertainment, or cut up and eaten. Philosophers have said people will never be civilized and live in peace until they treat animals with compassion. It's a lessen we have yet to learn.
Thanksgiving always reminds me of how much I have to be thankful for. No matter that I’m not rich, I still have the basic needs of life -- my home, my animals who love me and friends that I’ve had for decades who have stayed close to me. I spent my younger years in Hollywood obsessed with getting auditions, finding all my joy in being on a film set, and forgetting to let God lead me on my path. I was diverted by every disappointment, betrayal, and setback. I felt like the world would come to an end when I lost an acting job. And when relationships failed, I became deeply depressed. If only I had remembered how it was when I was a child, when I first set out on my Christian path and I had the comfort of leaning on God through thick and thin. If I had stayed the course, relied on his guidance, my mistakes would have been much fewer and the disappointments so much easier to take. I’m thankful to be back on that path and all the challenges that face me now do not frighten me. I look forward to meeting them and overcoming any hurdles placed in my way.
Ever since I was in grade school, I was competitive in sports. I had to beat everyone at tether ball, and I did, even those taller than me. I played kick ball like my life depended on winning. My father took me down to the soccer playing fields near Greenlake in Seattle and we would both get excited when the team he was rooting for was winning. Later, in Junior High I was the fastest runner in school. I also won the girls’ physical fitness test that we all had to take every year. I was captain of a basketball team and drove them mercilessly. Since there were no girls’ sports teams in high school I was a cheerleader and strove to be the best. Now that I’m older than dirt and don’t compete in any sport anymore, watching football has become my catharsis. All my sports competitiveness is tied up in being a football fan. I don’t just watch Russell Wilson play; I AM Russell Wilson. When he has a bad game, I feel his pain and sense his disappointment as he does his post game interviews. When he is joyous in victory, it is MY joy. I am a true Seahawk 12, come heck or high water. I’m in there competing to the end.
Sometimes when a friend of mine who is kind and good is going through tough times, is struggling to pay bills and is forced to live month to month barely making ends meet, I think about all of the truly evil people in the world who are millionaires and billionaires. They use their money to destroy the planet and harm the people and animals who call the earth home. No matter how rich they are they never get enough and trample on the rights of everyone else to make more money and achieve more power. Why can’t good people have all the money and power to make the earth a safe and happy place? But that has rarely been the case in the history of mankind. I don’t like when things are unfair. I question why God allows evil people to thrive and good people to suffer. It makes no sense to me. But for everyone who feels as I do, we can’t allow this to eat away at us and excuse inaction. We have to fight back, doing whatever we can in our own way to bring some fairness in our own bit of earth where we can make a difference.
I often wonder what would have happened if my father hadn’t insisted that we move from Norway to Seattle. Would I still have become an actress? Would I have left my small home town and moved to a big city? I think the answer to both is yes. Whether living in Seattle or in Sauda I still would have been me. I would have loved to sing and the adventurous spirit I was born with would have taken me to Oslo or Bergen to go to college for free. I have no doubt I would have joined a theater group and auditioned for Norwegian and Swedish movies, maybe even worked for Ingmar Bergman the famous Swedish director. My love of animals was born in me and I would no doubt have been an animal activist there as I am in this country. But the wonderful thing about living in Norway would have been always being close to my home in Sauda where my heart is and where my soul never left.
As I sit at my computer and write there is no greater joy than having my cats lying on the bed next to me, deep in slumber. Just looking at them makes me feel good. Am I a far-gone, nutty animal person? Absolutely! I can’t imagine life without animals. I’ve had a goat, rabbits, dogs, birds and cats as my best friends. Each and every one was special. My sweet Teeny loves to sit on the chair behind me and nudges my hair whenever my inspiration lags. I’m sure that when I stop typing, he thinks I’m not working. Doesn’t he know I have to take a few minutes off to search for words?! Yesterday, the veterinarian told me Teeny’s kidneys are failing and said he doesn’t have long on this earth. He gave him special food to eat and something to stimulate his appetite because he has lost so much weight. I choose to believe Teeny will overcome this and I’m asking God to spare him. I’m not ready to let him go yet. Not having Teeny looking over my shoulder as I work would be a terrible loss and leave an empty place in my heart.
In my new book Malevolence, Sammy the elephant is an avatar for the real-life elephant, Billy. For twenty years I have worked with others to free Billy from his prison in Los Angeles Zoo so he can be released to a sanctuary. He has lived at the zoo for over 30 years, was beaten with bull hooks as a child, and lives alone in his enclosure at the zoo as his health declines. Court cases have been filed, petitions signed, and we have testified in front of the City Council numerous times. But council members remain unmoved. Last year I developed a plan to free Billy and wrote about it in MALEVOLENCE. I sent the plan to Cher and Lily Tomlin who have spoken out on Billy’s behalf, but I received no answer. My plan would involve having both ladies be proactive in order to box the City Council into a corner and make it impossible for them not to release Billy. In a couple of months my book will be published, and I will send it to other celebrities who purport to care about elephants. Maybe one of them will go the extra mile for Billy. At times like this I do regret that I am not rich and famous.
I have been reminded lately of how commercials make us want to buy things we really don’t need. Those small laptops on TV look so sleek and easy to use and the new cell phones have so many interesting doo dads and take such great pictures. The gorgeous new cars I see in commercials are especially enticing. I’d love to have a screen on the dashboard and having Sirius radio would be fantastic. But after renting some brand-new small cars on recent trips, and then coming back home to my big, roomy, dependable 2004 Saturn, I really am able to appreciate that old thing. Why do I need to spend money on a new car that I don’t need just for a few extras? After being together for 17 years Satty feels like an old friend who never lets me down. And I’m not ready to let him go. As new fancy cars pass us by on the freeway I give him a pat on the dashboard and say, “You’re just as good as they are and so am I. We’ve got nothing to prove.” The two of us are growing old together but neither one of us is ready to be put out to pasture yet.
Horses have always had a special place in my heart. While living in Washington I volunteered to help physically, and mentally challenged kids overcome their social and physical fears by learning how to ride horses. Seeing their excitement as they become comfortable on top of these magnificent, gentle horses was incredibly fulfilling. The wild horses who roam free on our hills and prairies are a special breed – proud, independent and faithful to their families. The brutal helicopter roundups of these horses are heartbreaking to watch. That is why my friends and I wholeheartedly supported Deb Haaland as Secretary of the Interior. She promised to protect the wild horses. But she betrayed us with her insidious lies. She turned her back on the horses and condemned even more of them to slaughter. No matter who is in office, no matter what the political party they belong to or what candidates say, it’s always up to those of us who love nature and the animals to protect them and support the Earth’s lawyers who win our battles in the courtroom.
When I was seventeen I wrote an article for a contest for Brides Magazine and won a movie camera. Looking back now, it was an obvious hint from God to start making movies. But all I did was record my friends laughing and talking. Years later at UCLA film school I was so obsessed with my dream of being an actor that I didn’t take advantage of the wonderful classes I was attending and failed to write, produce and direct the short movie I needed to graduate. I would have had an incredibly talented cast and crew to work with, but I dropped out because I was getting cast in TV shows. A glorious opportunity wasted! No one told me that to work as an actor you either must wait for someone to cast you or make your own movie and act in it. The second way puts everything in your own hands instead of leaving it up to fate. Sydney Pollock was wonderful as Dustin Hoffman’s agent in Tootsie. He was both actor and director, and like many lesser known actor/directors, cast himself in his own movie. All these years later I’m finally trying to produce (not act) in my own movie. Is it too late? Did opportunity pass me by? Only time will tell.
There are three bands that I am immensely gratified I can still see in person. Two of the bands I have a personal relationship with, the third one I’m merely crazy about from afar. I first met Billy Vera at a backyard picnic of a mutual friend. He was so quiet and shy that I was shocked when someone told me he had a band, Billy and the Beaters. I couldn’t imagine this quiet guy up on a stage singing rock and roll. When I went to hear him play, my jaw dropped – he was a totally different in person – rambunctious and funny with an incredible voice. We became friends and I’ve faithfully followed him ever since. Rob Lind and the Sonics I first heard in concert and was bowled over by their R&B sound and Rob’s incredible sax playing. We married, he became a navy pilot, commercial director and airline pilot. Then the Sonics were rediscovered by hipsters and again began playing to sold out audiences all over the world. Rob and I are no longer together but the Sonics are as fabulous as ever. The Eagles were the soundtrack for my youth. And thank God, they are still playing. I’ll see them again in October. True love never dies.
As an antivivisectionist and health freedom activist, the past year and a half have been filled with challenges for me. The billionaires in the drug/vaccine/vivisection industry have taken over the world. The work I have been doing, along with hundreds of thousands of other people, to abolish animal experimentation, has gone through serious setbacks. Millions of people are willing to give up their freedom and endanger their health on the say-so of drug company criminals who have killed millions of people because of their never-ending lust for more money. Pursuing acting work used to drive my life. It was all-consuming. Whenever I’d get an acting job I’d be over the moon happy. It would still thrill me to be cast in a wonderful role, but my life’s calling to fight evil has taken over. There is so much more of it evident in the world right now. I’m only one person. I can’t make everything right. But I have to do my part, as do we all. The Chinese have an ancient curse: “May you live in interesting times.” I used to wonder why that was a curse. Now I know.
The arts are a place where we have freedom to express who we are as actors, dancers, writers, painters, sculptors and more. We are allowed to move beyond physical boundaries and challenges that we face in the outside world. Discrimination is left behind as we embrace and develop our God-given talents and share them with others. That freedom is now being threatened for many of us actors and writers as censorship and control of the television media has been taken over by the pharmaceutical industry. SAG-AFTRA, my own union is supporting discrimination against actors who have chosen not to be vaccinated. In the past, SAG-AFTRA has wholeheartedly fought every kind of discrimination. Now our leadership is firmly under the control of pharma and they would like to coerce actors into getting the Covid jab if they want to work. In a democracy we control what goes into our bodies. We’re fighting them on this. We’ll see how it all turns out.
In DECEPTION, my guy Josh tries to turn Rosemaria, the hard boiled detective, into a vegan. But the vegan pizza he convinces her to try just doesn’t have the delicious taste of real cheese. Josh has always loved animals so being a vegan is a no brainer. Rosemaria never thought much about the welfare of animals or where her meat comes from so she has a much longer journey to travel toward becoming vegan than Josh ever did. I, like Josh, loved animals since early childhood. I never wanted to eat them. But nagging people to think and do as you do is never a good idea. Nagging people to stop smoking doesn’t work either. I’ve had close friends gradually cut down on their meat eating and eventually, after a few years, become vegan. It wasn’t because I criticized them (although I let them know certain animal food choices on the menu would make me leave the table) rather it was because they heard and saw my activism regarding factory farming that influenced them. Their own conscience made them stop eating animal products. That’s how it should happen. It has to be their choice to make the change last.
My cat Teeny loves to sit behind me on my chair as I write. All he asks is a hug now and then and he is content. Teeny led his mother and little brother to my door one cold, rainy day up in Washington seven years ago. He asked for food and I fed them all out on the porch. Because they were feral they were a little skittish at first but gradually knew there were meals to be had on my porch and let me pet them. My neighbor and manager of our condo complex had already captured them, had them spayed and neutered and released them. One day, the teenager and little tot stood outside the screen door looking inside. They wanted to escape the snow and rain and live in safety and comfort. So in they came and have given me nothing but love and joy ever since. But Teeny is the one who feels the need to be near me at all times and help me with my work. No one could do a better job.
A famous writer once said that in order to be a good writer you have to read a lot of books. I’ve done that ever since I can remember. I’ve always checked out three or four books a week at the library, ordered books on my Nook and received books from friends. My favorite pastime is to wander around Barnes and Noble after someone has given me a generous gift certificate enabling me to buy at least three books. Heaven! When you’re a writer, you take on a lot of the same writing characteristics of the authors you love. For me, it’s Michael Connelly, Robert Crais, Ann Perry, David Baldacci, Lee Child and Ann Rule. I hope I do them proud.
My faithful readers know I am working on packaging my own script. Even though it is low budget I need to find investors and have a pitch deck to give them. Right now, I am waiting for a well-known actress to say yes to our offer and my pitch deck will be complete. Then I can go out and raise money. I feel incredibly lucky to have assembled the team I have now. But getting that all important ingredient of a famous actress has proven to be illusive. When I look at movies on Netflix that probably were made for about the same budget as mine I wonder, “How did they do it? Did it take them years of work to make it happen?” When I was working as an actress I didn’t appreciate what it took to sell an idea for a TV show, and then convince a studio to make the pilot, and then allow the show to go on the air and be given a chance to succeed in the ratings. Being on this side of the process gives me a whole new insight into what it took to get me in front of the camera saying my lines.
During this debacle when pointless lockdowns destroyed many lives, the live music industry suffered terribly. Groups that made their living touring or playing local venues were out of business and out of luck. I have two friends who play in bands, and I love going to see them play. Not being able to took a lot of joy out of my life. My friend Billy Vera told me yesterday that Billy Vera and the Beaters will be playing at Vitello’s, a venue I love, in July. Finally! Billy is the king of the blues as far as I’m concerned, and I need an infusion of blues as soon as possible. I can’t wait to see and hear him again. I hope my friend/actor/musician Jude Ciccolella will be back in action again soon as well. Today I found out that my beloved Eagles are coming to the Forum in October. Prices are steep but nothing will stop me from being there. I never realized how much going to see my musician friends perform means to me until they were gone. But now that they’re all coming back, I will appreciate them more than I ever did!
I was channel surfing two days ago and came upon the Columbo Movie I did back in the 90s. I looked at the pretty girl with the long blond hair and thin figure and asked myself, “Who is that person?” Was that me? Plus, the lighting geniuses at Universal had spun their magic and made me look much better than I did in real life. I looked in the mirror and thought, “Yikes! I’m in need of help! How did I get here?” That’s one of the things about being an actor. As the years go by you get to see the changes that slowly happen with age. Actors do the best they can to hang on to their looks but unless you have J.Lo’s talented plastic surgeon to hold gravity at bay, you’re going to show a little wear and tear. I keep hoping I’ll win Publishers’ Clearing House one of these days in order to get my movie made and end vivisection. But maybe I’ll put a little aside in case I run into J. Lo and she can give me some helpful hints on how to never look old.
My hero in Deception, Josh Sibley, is having a lot more luck in his show business career than I am, especially in the not yet published sequel to Deception, Malevolence. Trying to package a low budget movie as I am trying to do is exceedingly difficult. But as they say, if it were easy, everyone would do it. I am now working on the last ingredient I need for my pitch deck, the portfolio I show to investors to convince them to invest – getting a leading lady attached. Because my project involves saving animals I had thought that if we approach animal loving actresses, we would have no problem getting them interested. But standing between them and us are the agents who want money up front and a definite contract. Because we can’t do that until we have investors, we’re caught in a catch-22 and must have the luck of the Irish in contacting the right actress who will jump at the chance to play a wonderful role that will also help animals. I hope it happens fast. I’m eager to get going on my last leg of my journey to start production – getting the money to make the cameras start rolling.
Right now, I’m watching my favorite TV show when I was young --- Perry Mason. And witnessing my acting teacher Darryl Hickman being accused of murder. And he was guilty! I used to love Darryl on The Loves of Dobie Gillis where his younger brother, Dwayne Hickman played Dobie. Little did I know then that many years later I would be lucky enough to end up in Darryl’s acting class. He was every bit as wonderful in person as he was on TV. Years after his appearance on Perry Mason I saw him play a murderer in a movie with Burt Reynolds and he was marvelous as a vicious killer. I had a huge crush on Darryl, but he was engaged which disappointed me terribly. As student/teacher we had a very close relationship but nothing more than that. It was the first time in my life that I was interested in being with someone instead of the other way around. And it was hopeless. My soul mate slipped out of my grasp.
Anyone who has read my memoir Learning How to Fly knows that to my parents acting was a sin and they did everything in their power to prevent me from following my dream. Acting was the road to ruination, to sleeping in the gutter and being damned to hell. My mother used to plead with me to go to law school and become a lawyer – a respected profession. But I kept moving forward toward my goal despite great blowback from my parents. In the upcoming sequel to Deception, Malevolence, Rosemaria becomes a prosecuting attorney and I had great fun describing her wheeling and dealing with criminals and their lawyers. I could have done that! But I chose acting. Now that my non profit People for Reason in Science and Medicine is fighting for health freedom and to preserve our civil liberties I wish somehow I could’ve found time to become a lawyer. Knowing my way around the legal system would sure come in handy now. I wouldn’t just have to advocate for our rights, I could actually go to court and fight for them.
In Deception, Josh and Rosemaria discover that they’re the most unlikely of soulmates. I never met mine. My best friend met her soulmate in high school but broke his heart by deciding she needed to experience more of the world before marriage. After two bad husbands for her and one bad wife for him, they met again, clicked again, were married in the most beautiful wedding I ever saw, spent several years together traveling, including sailing down the Seine in Paris, riding their Harley through the mountains and making up for all their years apart. They were meant to be together. Then two years ago he became ill, spent a year trying different therapies but last month he died leaving my best friend devastated. But if you ask her was her heartbreak worth it because she got to spend those few precious years with her soulmate, she’d say of course. If I had found my soulmate and then tragically lost him would I still want to meet him? You bet.
My cousin Peter told me that Tom Cruise is coming to Norway to film another movie. How I would love to be a part of that! I haven’t been able to visit Norway more than four times since we moved to the U.S. and for some reason, my last visit two summers ago, is so memorable, I can remember almost every single minute – My friend Jonas coming from Sweden to be my guide in Oslo and taking me to the incredible new Opera House, my cousin Peter showing me around Stavanger, my cousin Berit putting me up in her beautiful house above the fjord in my hometown, Sauda, and taking me on grueling hikes in the mountains, and lastly, my incredible time in Bergen with Berit and her daughter where I bought a suitcase full of Norwegian thrillers. I have no idea why that trip is so ingrained in my mind. I’m already visualizing what I want to see and do on my next trip. Not going home again is unthinkable.
I am almost finished writing A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH, a prequel to Deception - A Hollywood Mystery. It is a short novella giving readers a taste of what Rosemaria Baker’s life was like when she was young and how she became the person and great homicide detective she grew up to be. I will publish it before the sequel to Deception – which is called Malevolence – A Hollywood Mystery which will be ready to go after editing by the publisher. The prequel, like the other Rosemaria and Josh mysteries wrote itself. It seems as if my characters have lives of their own and I just have to type fast to keep up with them. It was great fun writing about Rosemaria’s childhood and her journey to becoming a cop. I hope everyone enjoys it.
As an actor, all we have to worry about is getting an agent, getting auditions and, by hook or by crook, booking that acting role. Producers have to raise money, build relationships with networks or movie studios, get their projects sold or optioned, hire crew, work with writers, scout locations, hire all the people involved in a production, and a thousand other things that it takes to get a show or movie off the ground. Actors arrive after all the hard work as been done to say their lines and bring the scripts to life. Now, as a producer, working extremely hard to get my own movie produced, I am facing all the same obstacles faced by producers since the beginning of movie making. Unless you have family or friends in the business or are rich enough to finance your own projects, it’s not easy. I may not have any of those things but I have vowed to only work with nice people and as I move forward, so far that is exactly what is happening. I have faith that everything I’m working toward will happen in good time.
At one time or another most of us feel overwhelmed with the different tasks we’re expected to perform. In MALEVOLENCE, my upcoming sequel to DECEPTION, my heroine Rosemaria Baker proves herself to be an excellent multitasker. She actually thrives on it! But having too many things to be and do can be overwhelming at times --- some of our jobs can include wife, mother, writer, bank teller, business owner, secretary, doctor, PTA president and the list goes on and on. A few years ago, I read a book about writing. In it, the writer tells the story of how she landed a huge book publishing deal and had to write about and draw several hundred species of birds. She panicked and asked her father, “How am I ever going to get all of this done?!” And he calmly said to her. “You’ll get it done just fine, bird by bird.” And she did get it done, just like we all will, bird by bird.
As a young girl in Seattle I used to watch Perry Mason with my mother every week. I would study the credits and wonder who all those people were and how they got there. I wish I had known then that many of those directors and some of the actors and even the makeup man were people I would come know as an actress in LA. When I went down alone to Hollywood, knowing only one person, not having a clue about pictures and resumes, not knowing how to get an agent or what it took to join the union, I was just as nervous as every other struggling actor wondering if I ever would find work. I didn’t realize until recently watching Perry Mason reruns that I had worked with many of the directors on the show. If I had known they had worked on Perry Mason, I could have asked those directors what it was like to work with Raymond Burr whose acting I very much admire and what working on TV was like in those days. Opportunity lost. I wish I could go back.
I’m now deeply involved with packaging a script I wrote. We’re finally making some headway, have almost finished our pitch deck and it looks good. We have one Oscar winner in our cast and now need a leading lady. We know who we’d like but convincing her to sign on before we have funding is the difficult part. Even more difficult will be finding investors and then convincing them to invest. This is my first time doing this and only because this movie involves animals, am I putting my heart and soul into trying to get the movie made. This movie, a thriller, has an underlying message that must be told. When I see well-made, low budget movies I have immense respect for the producers who made it happen. It’s far from easy. I wish I had done this years ago but where there’s life there’s hope and I intend to move forward until the movie is released and reaches an audience of millions. I guess that sounds pretty optimistic, even unrealistic, but all things are possible when we have right on our side.
My acting teaching Eric Morris has written another terrific book on acting called The Actor’s Other Selves. In it he describes in detail how to use our subpersonalities to enrich our acting craft. As I was reading I started thinking about my own subpersonalities and how they have affected my life. We all have them – TEACHER, VICTIM, MARTYR, WARRIOR, FIGHTER, TRUTHTELLER, and many more. I realized while reading the book that my VICTIM personality came into play when I was quite young and spent too much time in control of my life. Playing the VICTIM or the MARTYR can be very destructive in our lives. Thankfully, my FIGHTER and TEACHER finally came on strong. I’m looking forward to using the book as a guide to using this technique as soon as Eric’s classes open up again. I wish I’d know about it during my younger acting years so I could have given more depth to the roles I played.
My publisher told me it would be a good idea to write a short novella prequel to DECEPTION in order give readers the backstory as to how Rosemaria became a cop and the strong woman that she is. I hadn’t considered doing that but as soon as I did, little nine-year-old Rosemaria demanded that her story be told. She had a lot to say about her father the homicide detective and her beautiful mother the aspiring actress. For years her childhood was ideal with two loving parents showering her with affection. Then, as happens to most of us, her life turned dark and tragic. Rosemaria had to learn through her pain that fear, once faced, never again can have power over those who choose to value life and the people they love.
I just ordered a Norwegian thriller from Norway so I can stay fluent and in touch with my roots. I don’t know why I constantly feel such a longing to be in Norway. It’s much too late to move back now. Everything that I do, and all my friends are in the US. People I know who grew up in Encino, Woodland Hills and other cities don’t seem to feel as strongly as I do about where they spent their childhood. Maybe it’s my connection with the hills, fjords and mountains themselves that draws me back - living in a town at the end of a fjord at the base of mountains, listening to the river flow by outside my bedroom window, hiking in the hills with my friends, swimming in mountain lakes, and enjoying the winter wonderland that we were gifted with every year. Every minute of the time I spent in Oslo, Bergen, Stavanger and my hometown Sauda two summers ago is ingrained in my memory. I’ve applied for dual citizenship which wasn’t allowed when my parents brought me here. Maybe Norway will accept me back. Meanwhile, I stay close to my roots by reading books. Jo Nesbø is my favorite.
Because many people have been forced to work from home and are alone much of the time we live in a world where we now feel apart from others, aching to just get together with other people and have fun. Staying emotionally balanced has become a challenge. We need physical touching and bonding with friends and family and forced to face the challenges that the outside world puts us through every day. I miss that so much! For me, the answer is, fight back. Becoming victims makes us depressed and suicidal. Don’t accept that you are helpless. Read, research, use your common sense and stand up to the people who are using and suppressing us for their own ends. I’m lucky. I am president of a nonprofit that is fighting back. (peopleforreason.org) My calling and my true nature is to be a truthteller. Not only is it cathartic, it saves me from ever becoming a victim. My mother, in her nineties, used to say in her heavy Norwegian accent, “I’m so happy I still have my brain!” And she did. As do we all. Use your brain. Don’t be a victim.
I have read hundreds of true crime books and some of what happens to real people inevitably finds its way into my stories. I love true crime authors like Ann Rule, Gregg Olsen and Carlton Stowers who focus on the victims and their families and on the detectives and prosecutors who are dedicated to bringing murderers to justice. I recently discovered that one of those writers, Carlton Stowers, had a son who committed murder. While Stowers was winning awards for his books, his son was making his life hell. Stowers did everything possible to help his son and get him on the right track, but it proved to be a hopeless endeavor. For years, Stowers and his family suffered terribly because of the crimes committed by his oldest son until finally his son killed his own ex-wife and was imprisoned. In prison, Stower’s son developed enough of a relationship with his father to contribute to a book about their ordeal, Sins of the Sons. Through all of the hardships, disappointments and depression, Stowers managed to keep writing and become one of the most respected writers in his genre. For all of us writers who sometimes get discouraged and find it difficult to face a blank page, he serves as an inspiration.
On Martin Luther King day I wrote on my FB page about how he gave everything, including his life to fight racism. With Obama’s election his dream seemed to have come true, but the next administration ratcheted up racism to a fever pitch never seen before. We must work hard to undo this. I live by MLK’s words – “There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must take it because conscience tells him it is right.” In my own work to expose the lies, greed, corruption, and complete disregard for human life of the pharmaceutical industry I take positions that go against what is reported in the media and against the belief system of the majority. But I’ve been called to be a truthteller and cannot do otherwise. My wonderful Rosemaria, heroine of DECEPTION, is not afraid to stand up for what she believes no matter what. In the upcoming sequel MALEVOLENCE she goes even further in risking everything to do what’s right. I like to think there is a little bit of me in her and a little bit of MLK, Jr. I hope so.
It’s more difficult than ever for young people to get started in show business. Because of this debacle, meeting people and networking is almost impossible. If you don’t already have a good agent and connections, getting acting work is almost impossible. Just before the craziness hit, a young actor friend of mine impressed me with his diligence in working on his craft. He’d had one great role on TV and a commercial here and there. Instead of getting a swelled head, he kept attending his actors’ group, taking classes in acting in front of a camera, doing scenes for casting directors and taking feedback to heart. He now has a national commercial that appears many times a day on every channel and on movie screens in theaters. His face is now familiar to all of us. The commercial gives him a great opportunity to show what a terrific actor he is. I have no doubt offers are pouring in. He never thought he had “made it,” always worked hard to get better and eager to learn more. He has demonstrated to those of us who know him that hard work pays off bigtime.
I just spent two days locked in a hotel room working on the sequel to Deception – no TV, no email, no texting, no phone calls. When I finally emerged, it was to havoc being committed in the capital. It was incredibly difficult to come back to the real world. When I write I become so immersed in my story and my characters, especially Rosemaria and Josh that they become more real to me than reality. I feel as if I can go over to Rosemaria and Josh’s apartment in West Hollywood, knock on the door and say hi. And I know they would make me feel welcome. I always feel that they have such strong personalities that they already know exactly what they’re going to do and I have to type fast to keep up with them. I run a nonprofit and am an actor as well so I can’t spend every day writing about Josh and Rosemaria even though doing that is my ultimate pleasure. I’m sure if I could do that, I would enter another dimension and possibly never emerge back into this world. (Not really, but sometimes, especially right now, it is a lovely thought.)
I wrote last time about my first movie director Clint Eastwood and how inspired I was to hear that he is now working on an action movie which he will direct and star in. He’s in his 90s but that hasn’t slowed him down one bit. Wow! My acting teacher Eric Morris is the same. Eric starred in many TV shows when he was young and then realized his true calling was to be a teacher. He is absolutely brilliant in helping actors act from a true organic place. His book No Acting Please says it all. Since that first book he has written many others and is about to publish a new one. I can’t wait to read it. Eric is in his late 80s but to meet him you’d swear he was a lot younger. His energy and passion are the same as when I first met him in acting class 30 years ago. Like Clint he refuses to slow down. Both of them are determined to live life to the fullest doing what they love. Not for them are boring cruises, or sitting in a rocking chair waiting for the inevitable. No, they will go out in a blaze of glory never regretting a moment of life. They inspire me to do the same.
Recently, a friend told me that my very first director and major crush Clint Eastwood has started work on his next movie. He is not only going to direct but act in an action movie! Wow! Clint is now in his nineties and is still going strong. He has a passion for film making and acting that will never die. I absolutely want to be like him. I have no urge to go on endless cruises or sit around for any length of time on faraway beaches. If I get to have a vacation I’d rather spend it in Italy going to museums, in England learning about all the historic places and, of course, in Norway, visiting my home town and soaking in the glory of God’s creation. But moving forward with work for the animals and trying to get my own movie made are where my passions lie. Clint is my inspiration. And I still have a major crush on him.
Someone told me that the relationship between my two protagonists in DECEPTION is difficult to understand – Josh is in show business and Rosemaria is a police detective who hates show business. But I beg to differ. The careers and passions of two people may seem to be diametrically opposed but they can still be soulmates. The important thing is to support each other one hundred percent. Josh spends days and nights working on a song in the recording studio. Rosemaria spends several weeks tracking down a killer. But Rosemaria loves Josh’s music and respects his immense talent, and Josh, after being initially put off by Rosemaria’s kick-ass attitude, comes to respect her dedication to finding justice for crime victims. Rosemaria learns to love the animals who mean so much to Josh, and Josh accepts Rosemaria’s support in overcoming his alcoholism. To outsiders, they may seem too different to love other but their hearts knew from the first they were soulmates.
With so much time on my hands, I’ve been reading even more true crime besides watching it on TV. Ever since I read The Stranger Beside Me by Ann Rule, I’ve been hooked. Murder usually takes place between friends and family, especially spouses. It is not just the lower middle class and poor who commit murder. It’s surprising how many rich, successful, religious people decide to eliminate their spouses. I was just reading about an extremely religious, judgmental wife who taught young wives in her church to totally subjugate themselves to their husbands. After 30 years of this, the husband snapped and beat her with a pipe as she sat at the piano. I’m always amazed at the beautiful mansions some of these people live in. Now, sometimes, with my overactive imagination, I look at supposedly ideal couples and wonder if there are homicidal tendencies lurking somewhere in the psyches of those people. No one is safe.
The hero of Deception, Josh, is involved in the music and movie business. I believe show business is the most brutal business there is after politics. People give their lives to become rich and famous and fall to the depths of hopelessness when those dreams crash and burn. One of my favorite actresses from when I was a child wrote a book called Famous Enough, and the title says pretty much what I feel. I was able to fulfill my dreams of working with some of the best actors in the business and loved every minute of being an actress but when it all fell apart (as I describe in my memoir Learning How to Fly) you have to have something more to fall back on, like a special purpose in life beyond your career. But that doesn’t mean you don’t go on trying to accomplish more. As I continue to work on packaging my movie and meeting with one obstacle after another I am determined to keep going. I want to do this movie in order to help animals and like Josh, helping animals is more important to me than rejections or disappointments. Like the Energizer Bunny I refuse to give up.
My hero in Deception is a singer/songwriter but like most creative people has to have another job to support himself. In Josh’s case, he works as a caretaker at the zoo. Josh loves the animals that he takes care of but he hates seeing animals meant to live in the wild being imprisoned in small enclosures. Elephants especially need hundreds of miles to roam to stay healthy. And they need friends as companions. Sammy the elephant in the zoo where Josh works is in solitary confinement. Billy, a real-life elephant, has been imprisoned for over 25 years in the L.A. zoo. Billy bobs his head up and down constantly which indicates that he is losing his mind. His eyes look dead with hopelessness. He was beaten as a youngster to teach him to do as he is told or suffer more pain. We will continue to work towards Billy’s release to a sanctuary but overcoming the greed of zoo officials who look upon the animals as nothing more than amusement park rides is difficult. However, giving up is not an option.
Music feeds my soul and hearing bands in person is heaven to me. When I went to see the Eagles play in Las Vegas last year I enjoyed them so much I was on a natural high for two weeks. My friend Billy Vera has a band The Beaters and no one in the world sings and plays the blues better than Billy. Whenever I would feel down, a good dose of Billy Vera and The Beaters would get me back to normal. I’m a blond Norwegian so who knows why I have so much affinity for the blues, but I do. I’m sure I fell in love with my first husband because he played R&B with his band The Sonics and his sax playing was like nothing I had ever heard in my life. I miss going to hear my bands in person. I can't wait for this debacle to be over so I can enjoy listening to incredible musicians play in person. I miss it!
When the world is chaotic and politicians and big corporations are running amok and stripping away our civil liberties, it is overwhelming to all of us. As the president of a nonprofit who fights everyday for the rights of individuals, animals and the environment, even I want to run and hide. The stress of telling the truth when millions of people don’t want to hear it can get wearing. I feel so fortunate that as an actor and especially as a writer I can escape the real world for awhile and get lost in another world with my beloved characters and block out reality for a least a short time every day. My stories do involve problems that my characters must solve but, in the end, they do solve them, and life gets better. I pray that the craziness that is going on now will end soon and our lives will return to the normal we used to take for granted.
When I was a young girl the first true crime book I read was In Cold Blood by the incomparable Truman Capote. The killings were gruesome but the anatomy of the crime and the lives of the two criminals as related by Capote were fascinating. I then read A Stranger Beside Me by Ann Rule about Ted Bundy, who she had worked with at a suicide hotline phone bank. I read every Ann Rule book after that and became a dedicated true crime reader. How does a kind, compassionate, nonviolent person become so interested in murder? Who the heck knows? But considering the mass amount of true crime TV that is extremely popular now, a lot of other perfectly normal people find it fascinating too. Maybe, it makes us feel safe. Or we might think, “Thank God that isn’t me who has that kind of scary, dangerous family!” Whatever the reason, when I sat down to write a novel, of course it had to be about crime and murder. A writer I admire used to say to me, “There is no drama in a misdemeanor.” And he was correct. So murder it is.
While writing my memoir, Learning How to Fly, and then Deception I discovered how much I love writing books. I had written several scripts through the years and enjoyed that very much too. Several actors, directors and producers optioned my scripts but none of them managed to get a studio deal. So I decided I would write a low budget thriller, First Do No Harm, and raise the money myself. How hard could that be? As it turns out it’s harder than getting an acting job. First you have to put your team together, get a director attached and at least one A list actor before you can go out and try to find investors. But agents don’t want their people attached unless there is money up front. It’s Catch 22 – you can’t get money without A list actors and you can’t get A list actors without money. This is the predicament I find myself in now. Because the sub theme is near and dear to my heart (animals) I will not give up. Like the song says, “The difficult I’ll do right now, the impossible will take a little while.” I’m ready to conquer the impossible.
In the past few years and especially in the past few months the way we actors audition has changed drastically. Back in the day, agents would go by producer’s offices and try to get us auditions. Then maybe ten people would be called in to read for the director and producer, they would decide who they want and that was it. Now, thousands of actors submit over the internet for every role. Casting directors sift through the headshots, an untold number are asked to make audition tapes which must abide by strict guidelines, then we send them to our agent who sends them on to the casting director who decides which ones will be seen by the director and producers who then make their choice. I feel sorry for young actors entering the business in this day and age. The odds are against them. They have no chance to win over directors and producers with their personality as well as their talent. But time marches on and unfortunately that’s just the way it is.
Josh Sibley, my main man in DECEPTION, is based in L.A. but gets to spend some time in New York as well. When I went to NY for the first time with a person I never should have been with (read my memoir Learning How to Fly for details) I fell in love with the city at first sight. It was everything I thought it would be from the movies and TV shows I’d seen. But the joy didn’t last long as I had to move back to L.A. to flee unpleasant circumstances. Years later, I moved back to NY on my own – no job, little money, no place to stay but again, I loved it. Through God’s grace I found a rent-controlled apartment, plenty of work, friends, a Broadway bound (almost) musical, singing with a gospel group and my cat Squeeky to keep me company. I was in heaven. It may seem strange that a girl who was born in Norway and was used to the most spectacular scenery in the world could love the fast pace, frenetic energy, crowds and city canyons of NY. But I sure did. If I were wealthy I would own a co-op there and visit often. There are many sides to all of us. Be sure to explore and enjoy them all.
It’s obvious from the work I do for animals, from what I wrote in my memoir Learning How to Fly and from the subject matter of Deception, that I love animals. Today I was ecstatic when I learned that France has banned wild animal circuses and that Poland and Lithuania are not far behind. The entire UK has banned wild animal circuses. Animal activists in Europe are incredible and making big positive changes in ending animal cruelty. Here in the U.S. we shut down Ringling for good but other circuses and zoos continue to abuse wild animals. We’re working on putting them all out of business and we'll never give up.
Like my singer/songwriter Josh, in Deception, most singers, actors and dancers have to take “survival jobs” to be able to continue to audition and follow their dreams. For Josh, it was working at the zoo. He was not happy working there and considered the place a prison for animals, but at least his best friend was there as well. I have worked hundreds of temp jobs and sometimes the sheer boredom and repetitiveness of the work threaten to take your sanity. I have worked in car dealerships, hospitals, hundreds of offices, factories, banks and as a personal assistant to the mother-in-law of a famous presidential candidate and senator who was the meanest woman I ever met. Spending your life working at jobs you hate, going to acting classes, having endless head shots done, nagging your agent to get you out is not fun. That’s why my advice to young actors is – if you don’t absolutely have to do this, do something else. The rewards can be great but they may never come. Taking a chance on a big maybe is not for everyone.
Rosemaria Baker, the heroine in my book DECEPTION, is independent, feisty and loves her job as a police detective. I grew up in the “Cinderella Complex” generation when husbands were the boss, made all the important decisions in the family and only through men could you find success in your career, if you had one. That was me. Then I lived on my own in NY for several years, had some struggles (as I write about in my memoir LEARNING HOW TO FLY) and eventually had my epiphany that put me on the right track. Every once in awhile I slide back into my old way of thinking but quickly recover. We can be married, in love or just dating and be a wonderful partner but still retain our sense of independence. And that’s exactly what will happen to Rosemaria in MALEVOLENCE the sequel to DECEPTION. Stay tuned!
When young people ask me, what is the best way to get started as an actor I tell them – know somebody famous in the business who will help you, preferably somebody who is a close relative. That’s by far the best way. Actors of every age and type have managed to find work on their own through sheer perseverance and a lot of luck. But no one should go into the business unless they feel they absolutely have to. There’s too much rejection and disappointment involved unless it means the world to you. Otherwise, you just won’t last. If you have no relatives in the business, it helps to be young, attractive, talented and persistent. If you only have desire and persistence, I say go for it. You never know if you will be that special person whose break will come out of nowhere and you’ll become a working actor. As for how I got my first break, you’ll have to read my memoir, Learning How to Fly! Thank you, Clint!
Josh, my wonderful singer and songwriter in Deception is very real to me. I have known several musicians and when a person has a musical talent, I consider him or her to be extremely blessed. I took piano lessons for nine years starting in grade school. I practiced hard for an hour every day but knew I was never going to be a musician. That is something innate you are born with. I loved singing and begged my parents for singing lessons instead. But my parents were determined that I continue with the dreaded piano lessons. In later years I did take singing lessons and was able to perform in public but the gift of being able to play the piano will always be with me. Now I can play and sing for my own enjoyment. Linda Ronstadt, one of my favorite singers says that is why she sang, for the joy of singing. Thank you parents, for forcing me to do those piano exercises every day. It has paid off in a lot of joy.
Rosemaria, my heroine in DECEPTION is a terrific detective, very intuitive and focused. When we first meet her, she knows what she does best, knows what she likes and doesn’t like and lives her life concentrating on her career. But even though she has some preconceived notions about certain things and seems a little intransigent, she still is open to possible change and letting someone into her life who is less than her ideal. She overcomes her initial reticence and the result is attaining a joyful life she never expected to have. We all need to be open to new experiences, meeting a variety of people, traveling to places we never thought we’d visit. When we do, our life will become enriched in ways we never expected.
Josh Sibley my musician/songwriter in DECEPTION has had a hard time getting anywhere in the music business even with his immense talent. Josh is like some singers and songwriters I have known who have gone through that same kind of constant rejection. If an actor has a relative who is a director, producer or star of a TV show, that actor will most definitely work on that show. But in the music business, it doesn’t matter if your relative is famous, getting a record deal yourself and finding fame and fortune is next to impossible. There are always exceptions to the rule. After Glenn Frey died, Don Henley was ready to break up my beloved Eagles. Then at Glenn’s funeral his son Deacon sang and knocked everybody for a loop. I guess they’d never heard him sing before. He seamlessly fit into the group and the Eagles continued on. Thank God. I saw them in Las Vegas and Deacon was fabulous, as was the entire show.
When people ask where I get my ideas and story lines for my books I think of the people I have known who have given me a wealth of information. One person especially comes to mind. He was the son of a famous child actor who grew up to be a famous adult actor. This friend of mine was immersed in show business from birth. He knew all the inside information about all kinds of famous people. When he would tell me stories I would say more times than I can count, “No, that can’t be true!” What you read in gossip magazines is nothing compared to reality. To me, his stories weren’t really gossip, because they were true, and I knew that all those crazy exploits would someday come in handy. And now that I’m writing about Hollywood and show business murder and mayhem, those stories, as I predicted, have turned out to be very useful. Truth is stranger than fiction yes, but I get to have fun turning truth into fiction.
People have suggested that I write a one woman show based on my memoir Learning How to Fly. The book does have many humorous moments, music, drama and all the elements necessary to make for an entertaining evening, but I resisted the idea. What I love most about acting is the interaction between actors, not only on stage and in front of the camera, but the preparation and discussion about the story and various characters that happens before doing a play. Learning lines and using your craft to prepare is a solitary endeavor but then comes the moment when you put what you have prepared to use. I am constantly surprised at what actors who I work with will bring to their roles and how I am challenged by them to react in ways I hadn’t planned on. That is the fun of acting for me. Being alone on stage in a one person show is not nearly as fulfilling to me as working with others. I need that connection in real life as well. I miss the smiles of strangers, friendly conversation, socializing with friends, all the human interaction we need to be normal and happy. All of that has been stolen from us and we will never be the same.
People sometimes ask me of all the really famous actors I worked with, who was my favorite? I have to say, it’s difficult to choose. But it seemed like the more famous they were the nicer they were, especially the veterans. Jack Palance was a legendary figure to me before I worked with him and people told me it was rumored he could be temperamental and difficult. The total opposite was true. He was kind, gentle, considerate and loved his big menagerie of animals more than life itself. Tony Curtis was the consummate professional and had a great sense of humor. I felt honored to be working with him. But I have to say my very favorite was Peter Falk. Every day he had a twinkle in his eye, was always ready to run lines, would ask if a direction I was given was helpful and treated extras with the respect they deserved, When his wife came on the set I told her I wanted to run off to Mexico with him and too bad he was in love with her. She laughed. We had worked together on a show where one of the leads had little regard for other actors. Peter was special. His talent was awesome and most important, he loved animals.
Recently, having to write several papers for my non–profit reminded me of how much I do love to communicate with the written word. Before and during my career as an actress I would write stories and scripts in my spare time, but it wasn’t until I tackled writing a novel that I realized that this is something I really care about. I feel like I wasted so much time not doing it a long time ago. Now I even have a blog at brittlind.com where I’ll be writing mostly about my work as an anti-vivisectionist. For years, when it came to my activism, I followed others. I went to protests and meetings, always taking a backseat to people who were much more aggressive than me. Now that I am president of an AV non-profit and have to speak to large groups and research and write informative pamphlets I’m actually enjoying being able to express myself, especially with the written word. My passion and my calling joined to effortlessly give voice to my feelings.
Spending a lot of time at home in my little office where I research and write I end up looking out the windows a lot. One view is of the hillside that is part of the botanical gardens. Right outside my window are trees, flowers, bunnies, squirrels, pheasants, birds, bees and butterflies. There are lots of blue jays and one of them thinks he owns me. Early in the morning he sits outside on the railing and starts squawking that he wants his almonds and, of course, I oblige. He sits on the railing as I place them in single file and is ready to hop on my arm if I don’t do it fast enough. He is the only blue jay who won’t fly off until he can fit three almonds into his beak. It may take awhile but he keeps trying until he has three. Then he flies off to wherever he has his nest. When I was young I dreamed of living in a big mansion and giving lots of money to animals. Life didn’t work out that way, but I love where I live and I still help animals. Big isn’t always best.
During this downtime period in the movie/TV industry actors have had to do a lot of self-taping. One casting director asked that we just talk about ourselves and share who we are with them – roles we’d like to play and so forth. I did that and told stories of how sometimes I did everything I was asked to do in an audition – knew my lines perfectly but because someone threw a wrench into the process I lost those roles. I told of how Alan Jay Lerner, composer of My Fair Lady and other big musicals, wanted me to play Gigi in the stage version at the Dorothy Chandler Pavillion but Katherine Hepburn wanted her protégé to do it. They argued and Alan lost and so did I. I was asked to audition for Gypsy at the Music Center with Debbie Reynolds as the star. They wanted me, but Debbie said if her daughter Carrie didn’t do it, she would drop out. They didn’t want Carrie and the show was never done. At the time I was heartbroken but if you hang on to frustration and bitterness it is said that it’s like drinking acid and hoping the other person dies. Good things are always ahead of you. No need to drink acid for anybody.
I think most writers love to read. I love reading almost all genres but detective books especially. Some successful writers concentrate on the investigation of the crime and have little time to concentrate on personal relationships and growth. Others delve deeply into the hearts and minds of their characters besides having fascinating investigative plots. One of my favorite crime writers was a screen writer and reading his books is like watching a terrific movie. Another writer I know was also a screen writer but his writing is so spare you have to fill in a lot about the characters yourself. As for me, I want my plot to be intriguing but I also care deeply about my characters who come to life out of my imagination but are very real to me. They move forward investigating the crime but they also manage to escape my keyboard and start racing forward on their own. It’s all I can do to keep up with what they insist on doing. I just try to describe their adventures as best I can. It’s impossible for me to ignore their thoughts and feelings. It’s fun and exciting to find out what they’re going to do next.
In telling the story of Rosemaria and Josh, Josh’s friend Noor, a black panther, is very real to me. Writing her inner feelings was as natural as writing about a human being. I had a friend who raised a panther in Beverly Hills (not the right thing to do) and when this girl got too big he took her to live in a sanctuary. I’ll never forget when I met her. She ran up to my friend and practically hugged him. Then she turned to me and let me pet her, perfectly comfortable with my presence. At one point I was alone with her on the grass, laying down, scratching her tummy. A tour cart came by and I heard the guide say, “These cats may seem tame to you, but you must remember they are wild animals. Only sanctuary workers and the people who the cats know are ever allowed inside the fences.” I froze in place, looked at this cat who was gnawing on my arm and thought, “Uh, oh, this is awkward.” But the moment passed and call me crazy but I think she knew that I felt her loneliness and her strong desire to live free. But my friend had made that impossible.
This time of staying at home and actors being delegated to auditioning over the internet, has been a supreme challenge to a lot of us. Actors are mostly right brain people. We are creative and go by our feelings. We are usually not the most technical of people. Having to figure out how to self-tape, deal with our phone video camera, tripod, lighting, set up and all the rest, then actually having to act is difficult. And then there’s the challenge of having to send your audition tape on to the right person. Trying to figure out how to set up a home studio and audition for voice overs is even more difficult. When I took an online course SAG offered us members last week I figured it would all be so easy. It’s just your voice what could be so difficult? But setting up a soundproof room, getting the correct microphones and headsets and dealing with all of the voice levels and gauges was Greek to me. Young actors coming up now will have to develop their left brain as well as their right brain and they will. There’s no way around it anymore. But once you get the job and get on set, and only have to deal with the right brain, it sure is wonderful.
This time of staying at home and actors being delegated to auditioning over the internet, has been a supreme challenge to a lot of us. Actors are mostly right brain people. We are creative and go by our feelings. We are usually not the most technical of people. Having to figure out how to self-tape, deal with our phone video camera, tripod, lighting, set up and all the rest, then actually having to act is difficult. And then there’s the challenge of having to send your audition tape on to the right person. Trying to figure out how to set up a home studio and audition for voice overs is even more difficult. When I took an online course SAG offered us members last week I figured it would all be so easy. It’s just your voice what could be so difficult? But setting up a soundproof room, getting the correct microphones and headsets and dealing with all of the voice levels and gauges was Greek to me. Young actors coming up now will have to develop their left brain as well as their right brain and they will. There’s no way around it anymore. But once you get the job and get on set, and only have to deal with the right brain, it sure is wonderful.
The ideal life is when your calling meets your passion. Some people never find that or never know that kind of life is possible. I knew from an early age that I loved animals and wanted to help them somehow. At the same time my passion was acting. I thought that the perfect life would be to achieve fame and fortune and give money to animal organizations. When I met Paul Watson of the Sea Shepherd I realized I had to do more than give money, I had to actually go out and do something. So I became active with the Sea Shepherd organization. Then I met Chris DeRose of Last Chance for Animals who showed me the realities of animal experimentation and I knew I had found my true calling. Acting fell by the wayside as I concentrated on working to abolish animal experimentation. I still found some acting jobs but didn’t have the will to pursue it the way I had. Then I found I loved writing as much as acting and I started writing scripts, most with animal themes. Now I am packaging a script with the goal of producing the movie myself – finally, calling meeting passion. Whether or not I succeed in my latest endeavor I am living the life I was meant to live.
Whatever I write it ends up having animals somewhere in it, be they scripts, books, online posts, research papers, all involve animals in one way or another. Saving all animals from cruelty is my goal but of course one person can’t do it alone, not even large groups of people working together can do that. But I’m reminded of the quote from Rudyard Kipling that I live by. (a slightly longer version is on my web site brittlind.com) Part of the quote says, “God gave all men all earth to love, but since our hearts are small, ordained for each one spot should prove beloved over all.” In other words, we can’t make gigantic changes in this world all by ourselves, but we can look around us and see our own small sphere of influence and make it better through our efforts.
What a challenge this time has been for actors! We now are asked to self-tape auditions at home. We are given instructions on how to do the technical part and if we are a little challenged in that department, we just have to figure it out and/or get help from somewhere. Luckily, I have a young friend who is willing to help. So much energy is spent on the technical side, the acting performance is secondary, but the good thing is, being at home alone, we can do take after take after take until we are satisfied and send it off. Whew! If I had had to do this when I was starting out I may never have booked a job. I love being in the room with the director and producer and having that organic experience in order to convince them to hire me. Time marches on and self-taping will probably become the norm. But the kind of auditions my characters in Deception must do in person will always be with us because eventually, all those self-tapes will be narrowed down to a select few and then the real decisions are made in person.
Reading and writing seem to go together for me and I’ve loved to do both since I was a child. I usually read two books a week because I read on the treadmill, waiting in line at the post office, in doctors’ offices, in the tub, while eating and more. I’m never without a book that I’m engrossed in! Reading well-written thrillers, whether contemporary or historical inspires me in my own writing. Reading autobiographies about other people who have gone through tough times and triumphed over adversities inspires me. And thrillers written in Norwegian are my absolute favorites because, not only do I get to enjoy the book, it helps keep my Norwegian fluent! What I really miss right now is going to my local Barnes and Noble and checking out all the new books that have come out. If I had to choose between shopping at a clothing store or a bookstore, a bookstore wins every time. If someone gives me a gift certificate to Barnes and Noble I am in heaven. I look forward to going back as soon as I can!
Hollywood has always been a place of great contrasts. Good and evil exist together in an industry where there are those who will do whatever it takes to be successful and the innocent ones who are exploited. Having worked for years in Hollywood, my heroine, Sergeant Rosemaria Baker, has had to deal with the tragic results when dreams are broken and all that is left is survival. After moving to the Beverly Hills police department, she has found that the rich and powerful also often live with insecurity and fear of losing what they have. There are many talented people in Hollywood who contribute greatly to our lives, who have worked hard and entertain us with their acting, singing, dancing and writing. They make the world a better place. But in a cruel town, my gentle hero Josh Sibley, whose joy is writing songs and singing, is struggling to gain recognition. I found that in my ups and downs as an actress that belief in yourself is what matters. No one can discourage or exploit you if you maintain your center and keep your spiritual life intact. Most important of all, having a calling that you are passionate about and following that calling to accomplish something greater than your own hopes and dreams is what truly matters.
Some people wonder where I get my ideas when I write a book or script. Sometimes, an idea comes from a dream, sometimes from daydreaming and imagining difference scenarios and often from real life events that have happened to me or friends of mine. Interesting stories that I have heard from people who have lived in Hollywood for years and know every juicy bit of gossip about celebrities and stories about murders always are fodder for my writing. I always believe in writing a lot of humor into everything. Humor is the way we get through moments of stress and strife and as an actress, I’ve always favored doing comedy on stage rather than dramas. I tend to take roles home with me and feeling depressed for a month or two because of a character I’m playing on stage has never appealed to me. I like delving into dark/confused/unhappy characters in acting class or on a TV show for a week or two but I don’t want to live with those characters on a day to day basis for months. You’ll usually find humor and animals in everything I write.
It may seem like a dichotomy for an animal activist who believes in kindness and compassion toward all creatures to write about crime and murder. The answer to that puzzle is that I am a typical Libra – I love justice. When juries ignore the obvious evidence against criminals, especially murderers, and set them free, it pains me greatly. I was first introduced to crime books by reading The Stranger Beside Me (about Ted Bundy) by Ann Rule. She was such a terrific writer I had to keep reading her books until I had read them all. Then I read other true crime books by Joseph Wambaugh, Joe McGinness, and several others. What I cared about most in reading their books was seeing perpetrators being brought to justice and paying for their crimes. I loved reading about investigators who never gave up on tracking down the killer. Of course, I also read mysteries, police procedurals and fictional crime and spy novels. Since Hollywood and its environs is where I have spent most of my adult life I decided to set my own mystery there. My female protagonist, Rosemaria, is who I wish I were, tough, tenacious but with a sense of humor and a soft heart underneath it all.
"As the murder reveals a political conspiracy with international implications, Rosemaria finds herself pulled in different directions, and she must face the possibility that she may not be able to save everyone she loves..." —Kirkus
Rosemaria Baker, a cop whose blood runs true blue, has become a prosecutor who now gets to put the perpetrators in jail instead of just arresting them.
She is blissfully happy living with her love of herl ife, Josh Sibley, who is about to make a major breakthrough in his career as a singer-songwriter. But real life interrupts their perfect world when two girl who Rosemaria rescued from the streets of Hollywood become the targets of ruthless assissins after a third girl is murdered. Rosemaria must arrange protection for the girls, continue working her case load at the courthouse, investigate the murder, and deal with a cowork who seeks to destroy her career. Through it all, the love and support Rosemaria and Josh have for each other is unfailing. When it finally seems that some semblance of order is falling into place, Rosemaria faces an unexpected, terrifying threat, and she must depend on those who love her to rescue her from certain death.
I'm almost finished reading Paul Watson's book HITMAN FOR THE KINDNESS CLUB. The more I read the more I am overwhelmed at what he has accomplished for animals and how he has done it. He survived the treachery of his friends with whom he co-founded Greenpeace. He then formed his own organization Sea Shepherd. Again, he was betrayed and forced out. Paul's "problem" is that when it comes to rescuing and protecting animals he doesn't take no for an answer. He doesn't care about money, political B.S. or any kinds of threats, physical or otherwise. He does what he says he's going to do come heck or high water. The result of his actions is that millions of animals in the sea and on land have been saved from the cowards who murder animals for fun or for money. He is an incredible force for kindness and some people just can't handle it. Too bad. He's still going strong and has no intention of slowing down. The Paul Watson Foundation formed last year will go on to protect animals as Paul and his crew roam the oceans to enforce maritime laws everyone else ignores. I highly recommend this book. It is a true life thriller with lots of humor. You will love it.
For decades I have been a 12. That means a Seahawk fan, which makes sense since I grew up in Seattle. I loved all sports since I was a little girl, played them all and challenged anyone in school, boy or girl, to beat me running around the track. Couldn't be done. If I had been a boy, despite the real risks of physical injury, I would have played football. So all year long I look forward to football season and every year I tell myself I'm going to stay calm and restrain my screaming, yelling, and pacing, but right at kickoff, there I am, doing everything I told myself I wouldn't do. Where does this football fanaticism come from? Yes, I love Seattle but I never felt this way about the Seattle Super Sonics basketball team. I think it has something to do with anticipating the next play and thinking I could have come up with something better if it fails. Also, there is the ecstasy of an interception or a fumble and turnover. And then there's the ultimate joy - a pic six, intercepting and running the ball in for a touchdown. There are so many moments in football that are absolutely unexpected that you can revel in. And then there is my competitive nature that found a home in a young girl the first time she saw a football game. Why? Go figure.
When I was a little girl my family couldn't afford to travel very far on family vacations so we stayed pretty close to home - camping trips in the Cascade mountains, visits to relatives in British Columbia, day trips to the ocean on the Pacific Peninsula. My parents only had one week of vacation during the summer so we didn't go to those places very often. In school, when asked to describe our summer vacations, I usually had very little to offer. One year I decided for lack of any actual trip to write about, to describe how books and my imagination provided me with visits to all the breathtaking wonders of the world. As a child, as I do now, I would visualize what I read as if I were actually experiencing the adventures of the characters in my books - Russian royalty, English knights, viking heroes; I traveled to their lands without ever leaving my room except for the library, where I loved to lose myself in all the volumes that held undiscovered delights. Now, as friends and family travel the world and send me pictures of exotic places I may feel a twinge of envy and wish I were there, but my imagination is still intact and I continue to write about the many adventures of the wonderful characters who live in my mind.
I was driving up the street to my condo complex behind a large black SUV when it suddenly slowed down and stopped. Since I never follow cars closely, no problem. But I wondered why the car had stopped. Then I saw two little baby chipmunks making their way across the street to the hills on the other side. Once they were safely across the street the SUV kept going up the hill. I felt good about whoever that driver was and thought about the fact that there are a lot of kind people in this world. After my car accident a friend came to my rescue in a big way and is helping me through all the trials and tribulations involved in getting rear ended by someone without liability insurance. My step daughter and other friends and family have been incredibly supportive. I remember the wonderful time I had up at the International Chanticleer writers conference in Bellingham where everyone was eager to help new writers and share their experiences on how to be successful. No overblown egos anywhere. On my last trip to Norway a friend from Sweden who I had never before met in person came all the way to Oslo to show me around the city. His kindness to me was awesome. I love people who are kind. In this world, especially these days, kindness is everything.
Saturday I was in a car accident. I was standing still at the bottom of a freeway off ramp and a truck slammed into the back of my car going full speed. I was almost knocked senseless and ended up in the ER having a CAT scan to make sure I didn't have bleeding on the brain. Today I found out the driver of the truck did not have liability insurance and my insurance will have to pay to fix my car and for my medical procedures. This has all been extremely traumatic and debilitating. But like everyone who goes through tough times I have to rise above it all and keep working and keep moving forward. Many people have gone through much worse and they find a way to deal with hardships. As I struggle to feel normal again and find time to write I thank God I wasn't injured worse than I was and for the wonderful people who have stepped up to the plate to help me navigate the post traffic accident world. I have made new friends. I have kept my faith and I still look forward to the good.
As I'm editing and rewriting the fourth book in my Hollywood Mystery series I am also reading my usual four or five books a month. But when I'm working on one of my books I'm a lot more discriminate in what authors I read. Right now I'm am reading The mystery thriller Crime Writer by Gregg Hurwitz. He is arguably far and away the most skilled writer of murder, mayhem, and action than any other writer. His writing is so good that he shames me into searching my manuscript for better ways of describing my characters, to dig deeper into why they behave as they do, to eliminate cliches, to be more clever in my dialogue, and make certain the structure of the mystery holds together. Mystery and detective writing is difficult. Loose ends have to be covered, clues, not too obvious, must be given to the reader, the unexpected needs to explode on the scene from time to time. No one does any of that better than Gregg Hurwitz. He is the master. I read him to learn to be a better writer, and to enjoy.
As I continue on my quest to raise money for my movie thriller with an underlying antivivisection theme, I think of this story of a man who was stuck in a life raft in the middle of the ocean and prayed to God to rescue him. A yacht came by and said they'd throw down a rope ladder for him to climb up. He said never mind, God would rescue him. Next a helicopter appeared and they yelled down that someone would come down on a cable and carry him up to safety. The man said no thanks, God will rescue me. A coastguard cutter came by and they threw him a life preserver and told him to hang on and they'd pull him in. He said, I don't need your help. God will rescue me. Finally the man drown and went to heaven. He angrily asked God why he hadn't rescued him from drowning. God said, "I sent you a yacht, a helicopter, and a coastguard cutter. What more do you want from me?" As I search for investors I must remember that opportunities may come in unlikely forms and any one of them could be the miracle I am hoping for.
A few years ago a friend said to me after I complained about lack of help and support in my efforts working toward the abolition of vivisection, "everyone does the best he or she can do considering who they are." It seemed like a simple statement but it stayed with me and I eventually recognized it for the sage advice it was. I have to accept who I am as an antivivisectionist, what I've accomplished and what I haven't and be okay with it even as I strive to do more. I wish I could be like Jill Robinson who founded Animals Asia. She has saved hundreds of bears from bile farms and is on track to shut down the illegal bear bile practice in Vietnam. She has inspired thousands of donors to help run the rescue sanctuaries and rescue more bears. Her success and the happy bears are visible for all to see. Whatever characteristics that she has and I lack to inspire such a following makes me disappointed in myself. But like my friend said, I'm doing the best I can with who I am. And as someone else said, "you have to be yourself because everyone else is taken." So it appears I am stuck with being me and that will have to be sufficient as I try to be the best me I can be.
Toughie was the mother of my two feral kitties who I took in 17 years ago in Lake Stevens, WA. Toughie chose to stay outside in the cold weather before she finally sneaked in one day when I wasn’t looking. Her babies, Teeny and Baby Hughie loved to be near me, hung out with me while I worked on my laptop, laid next to me at night, talked to me when they had something to say, and woke me up with their paws on my face at 5:30 AM every morning . Toughie didn’t like either one of her babies, hissed at them when they came near and she slept by herself at the far end of the bed. After I recently lost those two sweet babies only Toughie was left. I was devastated at the loss and all the love and affection they gave me. But an amazing change has taken place in Toughie. Now she enjoys waking me up at 5 AM by sticking her nose in my face, sleeping on the pillow next to me every night, and even talking to me now and then, unheard of before. When I’m drinking my morning tea and reading, she jumps up on the end table beside me and nuzzles me asking for attention. She seems to be finally enjoying life and I hope she chooses to stay with me for as long as her health allows.
When dealing with a heartbreaking event the temptation is to crawl into a shell and suffer the pain of loss and wait for it to eventually pass. But hiding from life and from friends only prolongs the suffering. Hiding at home alone was my natural instinct to do this past month. But I realized that while feeling my sorrow I nevertheless had to do everything I could to get my life back to normalcy. I wanted to smile again at strangers in the supermarket like I always have and not use the excuse of my pain to frown and be unfriendly. Reaching out to friends is important. Prolonging emotional pain can become a comfortable habit and you might get stuck there if that's what you choose. Yes, it takes time to get over heartbreak, and like my friend Georgia says, it's a process. Nevertheless, I know I have to move forward while keeping good memories alive.
My ex-feral cat Toughie is probably around 19 years old. She has long hair that she stopped cleaning a few years ago so dirty clumps formed that I had the vet cut off since she won't let me anywhere near her to do that. Two months ago she seemed to lose all her energy and I was afraid the end was near. The clumps were worse than ever and even though she's terrified of strangers, I decided I had to risk a trip to the groomer to make her last days more comfortable. They gave her a lion's mane cut and shaved the rest of her body. After she came home she scampered around like a kitten, her appetite increased, she's washing herself all the time, and is way more affectionate. Maybe Toughie has a lessen for us all. Face your fears, cut off the dirty fur balls of guilt, regret, bad decisions, betrayals, and long-held grudges, and wash them down the sink. Renew your body and spirit and it could work wonders in your life.
Today I'm typing with one hand because my left hand was injured two weeks ago and still has weeks to go before it heals. I never realized how difficult it would be to do everything with one hand, Writing is especially difficult because I can't get words out in a creative flow hunting and pecking with one finger. At the same time I am caregiver to my husband who needs my assistance with everything. When extremely difficult times come there's no use to try and make sense of it or ask why me? We merely must make it through knowing sooner or later the dark tunnel will end. And remembering our blessings makes the journey through darkness easier to endure. God willing,the light is not too far away.
We're almost halfway through football season and I am thrilled at how, against all expectations, my team is in first place in our division. Every Sunday I'm glued to the TV during Seahawk games wearing all of my Hawk gear (and I have a lot) pacing back and forth, from room to room, up and down the hall, hoping that they will win yet another game. Then I wallow in the win all week long, reading everything on the Hawk website and loving every minute. To me football is like life. You're trying to make it to the end zone. Sometimes the first downs come easy. Other times you get penalized, move backwards and have to give up the ball and play defense, hoping for an interception so you can move forward again toward the goal line. When you get a touchdown the celebration is thrilling. Then you play defense again until you can get the ball and try for another score. I've loved football all my life and loved to compete in sports when I was young. Now, as I'm involved in other endeavors, I have football as my inspiration. Yes, there are setbacks, plenty of them, but I must keep moving forward to the goal line and if I don't give up, victory will be mine.
Toughie is the oldest of three feral cats I took in when I lived in Washington State, and she was the last to venture inside. Unlike the other two who were young and friendly, Toughie would accept being petted but did not like being held and rarely showed affection. She was outright hostile to one of the youngsters. She hides when visitors come and prefers to be by herself. She has pretty much stayed the same for the past 10 years. Every once in awhile she'll want to lay next to me on the bed, and she'll throw herself on the floor in front of me when she wants to be scratched. I know she loves me on some level and purrs when I scratch her but she is a loner not a lover. She is probably about 19 years old and beginning to fail. The thought of losing her makes me realize how much she means to me. She's her own girl, gets fed when she demands it, and doesn't hang out with me much. But she's special in her own way and I will miss her when she's gone. I hope that isn't soon.
It's now been three months since I first started seriously trying to raise money for my independent film, a thriller with an anti vivisection sub theme and it truly is like running one hundred miles an hours into a brick wall. I've contacted 60 people so far, mostly animal loving, millionaire celebrities and a few animal loving billionaires, hoping they will see the importance of making this movie. Only one famous actor who used to have a series got back to me and said he'd love to invest but he's not a millionaire. Under SEC guidelines you have to be a millionaire to invest. Next month I will attend the American Film Market in Santa Monica, have meetings with a few financiers/distributors and attend seminars on film financing. I've entered a pitch competition and am hoping to pitch my script to 300 people at the AFM. This is just about the hardest thing I've ever done, but I do it with all the determination and passion I have. It's for the animals, and that's all the reason I need.
When you choose to be an activist of any kind and dedicate your life to fighting the evildoers, you need to have ways to avoid burnout. I have ways of doing that. For one thing, I love writing and losing myself in the adventures of Rosemaria. But in the fall, my main choice for forgetting all of my troubles is football. Ever since I was a little girl I have been competitive in sports but I especially loved football which, of course, I could not play. Having grown up in Seattle, the Seahawks are my team. They can be very, very good and provided me with many Sundays of pleasure but they can also be very, very bad and cause major depression on Mondays, also known as "Hawk Hangovers," and I've had plenty of those. But during every game as I pace back and forth in front of the TV, no matter how far behind we are, I hang on to hope. And I hang on to that hope as the season progresses and we rise in the standings, or not. A wild card berth is always possible! I love my team, their passion, their spectacular plays, their superhuman efforts to win, and their overwhelming joy at winning. They inspire the heck out of me.
Because my sister was 10 years older than me and both my parents worked my sister was like a mother to me. After we moved from Norway to Seattle she was too shy to go to school and was home with me after school. She and her husband visited my classroom on parents' visitation days and I stayed overnight at their house many times. Through the years my sister was the rock of the family and had holiday events at her house. She put up two trees and presents were piled up to the ceiling. Two years ago her mind began to fail until finally this year her eldest son had to put her in memory care. When I go up to visit her she will not know who I am. The loss of our relationship is indescribable. When my mom died, my sister said to me, "Well, we're orphans now. There's only the two of us left." I had no card from her on my birthday yesterday and never will receive one from her again. She's lost to me forever and now there's only me. My sister, my friend, how I miss you.
Chris De Rose, founder of Last Chance for Animals, was the person responsible for me becoming the last thing on earth I ever wanted to be, an antivivisectionist. After meeting him and listening to him talk about the cruelties inflicted on animals in vivisection laboratories I knew there was no turning back, and it has not been an easy road. Having to deal with animal torture on a daily basis is incredibly painful and you never get used to it. And doing battle with the petrochemical/pharmaceutical industry that is responsible for the fraud and cruelty of vivisection is frustrating. They are powerful. I and my friends are not. A couple of years ago I had lunch with Chris and I asked him, now that he was making regular trips to Asia to try and end the dog eating trade there and having to see brutal torture up close, wasn't it painful? I told him that after 35 years as an antivivisectionist I still felt terrible anquish and wanted to cry all the time. He looked at me and said. "That makes it all about you, doesn't it, Britt?" I was taken aback, but he was right. Fighting for helpless animals is not about me. It's about them. Anything I may go through cannot equal their pain.
As an animal activist and anti vivisectionist, there are always battles to fight for the animals in every area of life, especially and including animal experimentation. And right now, it seems like the bad guys are winning on every front. In order to keep working, and often struggling, to prevent cruelty to both humans and animals, I have to take time to be thankful for what I do have. Taking walks through my wooded condo complex at dusk, looking at the beautiful mountains that surround us, always fills me with wonder. Being healthy and active even though I do sit at my computer too much is my greatest blessing. I have friends in cities across the country and across the state. I have family in Norway who I dearly love. Once I start writing about my blessings, there isn't even enough room here to include them all. So, yeah, I get discouraged at times. But for the most part, there is so much to be grateful for.
In a few weeks I'll be flying up to San Francisco to the Norwegian Embassy to apply for my Norwegian passport. At this point in my life most people find it impossible to understand why I'm doing this. But it's simple - when my parents became citizens of the U.S. I was given no choice but to lose my Norwegian citizenship as well. I knew at age 10, we would never be going back there to live. When Norway announced three years ago they would now accept dual citizenship, I was first in line to apply and was thrilled when I was accepted. I had just visited my family in Norway and all the places that meant so much to me when I was growing up in a small town in the mountains at the end of a fjord. Hiking through the hills with my cousin and visiting my aunt's cabin made me feel like no time had passed. I love where I live now, but the mountains of Norway will always be my true home.
This past Saturday my non-profit PRISM had a luncheon, not for speech making or fundraising, just for enjoying great vegan Chinese food and seeing people we hadn’t seen in a long time. The Covid debacle had ended the various functions, veg fests, protests and conventions where we usually met up and made new friends. It was great to see everybody again. When you stay by yourself on the computer for long periods of time as I do, you forget how important social interaction is. You forget how great it is to enjoy conversations, laughter, commiseration, and funny stories. My friend David has called it social anxiety when, after a while people become agoraphobic and stop reaching out to other people in person. Communicating online is not the same as talking to a real live person and socializing in large groups. For so long I took all of our activities and our opportunities to be with friends for granted. Now I realize how important all of that was. I won’t take it for granted ever again.
Four years ago my sister began drifting away. Every time I flew up to Washington to see her, she was a little more vague, asked more strange questions. Finally, when she began acting out in ways that could become dangerous she was put into memory care. The next time I see her she won't know me. My mother was sharp as a tack into her nineties until she died, same with my father into his late eighties. But I think the fear is in all of us -- could it happen to me if it happened to a family member? Every time we forget where we put our keys, can't remember why we entered a room, we think, uh, oh, has it started? For most of us dementia will never happen but keeping our minds sharp by using our brains every day by doing crossword puzzles, writing, reading, learning new things. My sister never did that. My mother did and stayed sharp. I want to be like her.
Truly great acting is rare. Playing a character in a believable, organic way takes talent and craft. But some performances go way beyond that, some actors embody the characters they play, like Robert DeNiro in Raging Bull, Charlize Theron in Monster and Austin Butler in Elvis. I recently saw the movie Elvis, and even though Butler doesn’t resemble Elvis as much as some actors who have played him, no one has ever spent two years to actually “becoming” Elvis. Butler portrayed every nuance of Elvis’ moods, sexuality, insecurity, and mental anguish at the death of his mother perfectly. When Elvis became a star, I was too young to appreciate the effect he had on young girls. I couldn't perceive the visceral attraction. But after seeing this movie I understand why conservative groups tried to have Elvis banned and the horror they felt when they watched him on stage. That’s how good Butler is. Watching the movie I forgot he wasn’t Elvis. I loved his singing. I wanted him to play in Vegas so I could see him in person and hear someone say, "Elvis is in the house." That would be a thrill.
I watched an excellent foreign courtroom dramatic series on Netflix, You Don’t Know Me. The actors were talented, it had a great script, and was beautifully directed. But it was also incredibly unsatisfying as it broke all the rules of story writing by allowing the viewers to decide how it ended – was this innocent man found guilty or was he going to go to jail for something someone else did? You decide, viewer. To me, this means there is no theme, there is no story or character arc because the plot ended up in the air, and it is also a betrayal of the viewers because they spend hours watching something and are left disappointed that there was no closure. I’ve asked myself more than once why producers do this to us. And I can’t figure it out. We obviously don’t like it and won’t recommend the series to others so what’s the point? Do they think they’re being clever and original? No, because it’s been done before. Are they merely indecisive or disagree on the ending? Who knows? I just wish they’d tell us up front during the credits – “This movie has no ending so if you’re looking for an ending, go elsewhere.” And I would.
I just finished reading Jennifer Grey’s memoir Out of the Corner. The disappointment pain that she experienced after the filming of one of my favorite movies, Dirty Dancing, was heartbreaking. A self-centered boyfriend caused her to miss out on the launching of her movie, and a plastic surgeon changed her nose forever and forced her to defend her looks, and lose out on acting jobs. Excruciating pain from the car accident in Ireland where her famous boyfriend veered over to the wrong side of the road and killed two people, plagued her for decades. Having read many biographies and memoirs I know how the exterior of a celebrity’s life may hide the total opposite of the terrible things they have experienced. Several of my favorite actresses and singers were brutalized by their husbands and some had their significant earnings lost to bad investments by these same men. You would never know while their careers were flourishing and their comedic talents were entertaining millions of people, that their husbands were deeply wounding them with their cheating and abuse. It’s pointless to envy anyone. No one is immune to pain and suffering. We might as well enjoy the lives we were given.
After I began my Hollywood Mystery series I’ve come to love writing more than ever. Now I’m attempting to raise money for a script I wrote, a thriller that has a subtheme having to do with animals. After assembling a wonderful, talented team, the most difficult challenge of all is raising money to produce the movie. A friend who is in marketing had me write the investor letter four times before he was happy with it, and I’ve sent it out to 20 people so far. He told me in order to get even one response I will have to sent out hundreds more. It’s a daunting task. I think I’m a good writer and can be persuasive, but I feel like I’m grasping at straws when I send out my packets to potential investors. I wish I could better explain how important this movie is, how much it will help animals, and how entertaining it will be. But it’s as if words are not enough to get that message across. For the first time as a writer, words fail me when I need them most. Somewhere there is that one person who would understand my passion and say yes. I must have hope I will have the good fortune to reach that someone with my words.
I got started watching too much Netflix in the last two years when everything and everybody seemed to shut down. So, I’d do my work at home on the computer, and during breaks, get addicted to one series after another on Netflix. Sometimes, after watching a series for a whole month (I didn’t watch nonstop) the end would finally come and there was no ending! You’d wonder, what the heck happened? Either they stopped production or, as is the case so many times, the writers and producers decided to leave the ending up in the air and make you guess what came later. I suppose this is their idea of being esoteric or artsy. But I find it super annoying. I’m forced to ask myself, “Well, then what did they do? Where did they go? Who was killed? Was the criminal found guilty?” I never do that when I write a script or a book. I won’t do to other people what has been done to me time after time on Netflix. I like to wrap things up. One of my favorite crime writers always ends her books very abruptly and leaves the reader asking questions. With me, you can always be sure there is an ending - because that's what I like.
It is with much joy that I announce that Malevolence is finally published and I get to share the further adventures of Josh and Rosemaria with you. Now that she is a prosecutor and his musical career is taking off they have a lot to be grateful for and many challenges ahead as well. These two characters are so real to me I feel like I could go to their apartment in West Hollywood and have a great chat with them so they can tell me about all their plans. I never have to wonder about that. They just do what they want and I write as fast as I can to keep up. I already have ideas of what they will be up to next. I know Rosemaria will get involved in dangerous situations as always and Josh will be dealing with newfound fame. I hope you'll join them in their journey.
As a homicide detective, Rosemaria Baker is known for her street smarts, her feisty personality and her ability to nail the bad guys. Being the daughter of a cop and an actress gave little Rosemaria a dichotomous view of life. Her mother was inclined to get lost in her fantasies while her father had to face the harsh realities of a world filled with murder and mayhem. Nine-year-old Rosemaria loved both her parents and admired her mother’s talent but even at a young age she felt drawn to her father’s work as a detective, constantly begging him to share with her every detailed description of the dangerous criminals and close calls he survived while chasing the bad guys. Whatever Rosemaria did she did it well; be it hitting baseballs, shooting baskets, writing school papers, she put her all into every endeavor. When tragedy invaded her world at the tender age of ten, she survived because of her innate ability to compartmentalize her feelings and move forward. While still in college she was faced with a terrifying situation where she had to use all of her mental and physical capabilities in an effort to save her father’s life. Ignoring what would have been safe and expected of her and asking no one’s advice, she risked everything to find him and bring him home alive.
I love everything about Christmas - the decorations hung on the outside of homes and businesses, the lights strung along the streets of my town, and my own decorations that I've put up in my condo. My tree used to belong to my mother and it has incredible sentimental value for me. Just looking at it and all the little things hanging from the branches that used to belong to my mom makes me feel close to her. My sister and my aunt in Sweden made many incredible Christmas wall hangings and table cloths that I love and cherish. When people in the media talk about how depressing Christmas can be if you're alone or things are going badly I don't get it. I've been alone and broke many Christmases through the years and just the beautiful theme of the season and the gift giving and holiday music on the radio lift my spirits. Besides, I've never really been alone, I've always had my animals to keep me company and the warm presence of the holy spirit to make me remember how lucky I am to have my health and a roof over my head. To me, it's always been a hopeful, uplifting season. I hope it is for you too.
When I was a little girl we couldn't afford to go on expensive vacations so when asked, in the fourth grade, to write about where we had gone that summer, I wrote about the many adventures I had experienced sitting in my own room allowing books to take me to exotic locations all over the world. Books did that for me. As both actor and writer, I am a story teller. As an actor I want people to feel what I am feeling, and as a writer I want even more than that. I want my readers to experience other places, to be excited, to laugh and cry and feel catharsis and enlightenment. A lot to ask of someone who is writing a Hollywood Mystery series but nevertheless, that is my goal and why I write. I hope you will buy my books and review them. Let me know how they impacted you. If during the brief time you were reading them you were entertained and your own troubles were forgotten, that alone makes me happy.
This past week a very brave fellow activist was found guilty of entering factory farms and rescuing chickens and ducks from hellish conditions where they lay wounded and dying. He was operating within the confines of the law and had the right to rescue animals who were being brutalized. But instead of prosecuting the owners of the factory farms in Sonoma, CA, who were breaking the law, the D.A.'s office chose to go after a man who was doing the right thing. The judge pushed hard for the jury to convict and did not grant this activist bail. Instead she had him hauled off in handcuffs to jail where he will stay for three weeks until sentencing. Accused murderers are treated better. It goes without saying that an appeal will be filed siting the judge's refusal to allow the defendent to put on a proper defense and issuing a gag order violating his first ammendment rights. The bias of the court was shocking. We suspect the owners of the factory farms were choreographing every move. This grave injustice will not stand and if the court believes that persecuting a rightous man will stop the movement to rescue animals from gruesome conditions, they will find out they are wrong.
I knew since the third grade that I wanted to be an actress even though to my parents that was a grave sin. My father insisted that I was going to be an author since I already seemed to have a talent in that direction. I disagreed and spent my life working toward becoming an actress and achieving some success. It was frustrating getting older, seeing jobs slip away, and then during the Covid debacle the no jab no jab policy of my union meant I couldn't even audition. It's now been over six years since I worked as an actress. Instead, I turned to writing to express my feelings and my frustrations. Lo and behold I loved writing! One book followed another as I delved into the lives of my protagonists and came to love them. And when I received recognition for my efforts that was an extra reward. Creativity cannot be stopped. Painters who have no arms paint beautiful paintings using their feet, writers who are blind write with braille or record their words audibly. There are many examples of this. When you come up against a brick wall go around it. There could be something new and great waiting for you.
Ever since I first was able to read, the favorite present I could receive for Christmas or a birthday was a book. I could hardly wait to finish unwrapping the other presents so I could find a quiet corner and dive into my new book. And I still feel that way! This past birthday my darling cousin Peter in Norway sent me the best gift of all - a Norwegian thriller - Blodmåne by Jo Nesbø. Nesbø is one of my favorite writers and the best thing is, most of the locations he writes about are in Norway. In this book, his story about intrepid Oslo police detective Harry Hole begins in L.A. in places I am very familiar with, then Harry heads back to Oslo which I now am also familiar with thanks to a trip I took four years ago when my friend Jonas showed me all over Oslo by land and by water. It was fabulous! I am taking my time reading the book, enjoying every word and keeping up my Norwegian vocabulary for my next trip home to Norway.
One of the kindest men I ever met passed away a few days ago. Bob Barker did more to save the lives of animals than anyone will ever know. I met him at an animal rights function after I first became an antivivisectionist. He was passionate about the abolition of animal experimentation and inspired me to do more as an activist. Because of him, and my mentor in the movement, Javier Burgos, my acting career ended up taking a backseat to my work for the animals. As an antivivisectionist I had to study the historical beginnings of animal experimentation; I had to learn about the fraud and dangers of vaccines that are a huge part of the vivisection industry; and I had to familiarize myself with the corruption and greed of the entire petrochemical/pharmaceutical industry - a heavy lift for someone who hated science and only wanted to be an actress forever. Bob, who was an entertainer through and through was able to have his TV career and use his wealth for his beloved animal causes. That is the ideal - successful career in show business and helping the animals at the same time. But, for me, if a choice has to be made, the animals win every time. I'm happy I got to know Bob Barker just a little bit. We shared some serious discussions and a lot of laughs, and the kindness he showed people and animals was contagious.
There are people in this world who have a highly developed sensitivity toward people and animals who are suffering. Their empathy is so strong they almost feel the physical pain inflicted on helpless victims. When you are one of these individuals there is no way to hide from it, although you may try. This blessing or affliction, however you may think of it, is with you for life. Being one of those people, sometimes I wish I were like some of my friends who, although they may care deeply when they see photos of people and animals being hurt, can turn away and live their lives shutting out the horrific crimes against humanity going on all around us. When you are highly sensitive, you do just the opposite, you long to solve every problem on earth, which is impossible. On my site, brittlind.com there is a poem by Rudyard Kipling which essentially says, you can't heal the whole world, so pick a place that needs your help and do all you can to make it better. That's what I am doing for the animals - focusing on them, but never feeling it is enough and living with their pain every single day.
While I was at the incredibly productive and enjoyable Chanticleer International Book Conference in Bellingham, WA two weeks ago I was thrilled to win a first place ribbon in my category for my prequel to my Hollywood Mysteries, A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH. Yay! It's great to be recognized for all your hard work but even better that readers enjoy my book. While up in WA state I stopped by to see my sister in memory care. She looked the same but didn't have a clue who I was. She barely recognized her own son who was with me. It's devastating to see someone you were so close to your entire life lost in her own world. It's scary when family members succumb to dementia and may cause us to think every time we misplace something and enter a room and not remember why we went in there, that we're losing our own mind as well. Things we considered normal forgetfulness when we were young now looms as forewarning that we're about to lose it. I say, when you get to a certain age, yes, names may escape you now and then, and you don't feel as sharp as you used to, but if you're regularly exercising mind and body, and avoiding putting toxic chemicals into your body, you should be all right. My mother was sharp as a tack into her nineties. I choose to believe I take after her.
This past weekend I attended an international writers' conference in Bellingham, WA. It was an incredible experience. I met many other writers and they couldn't have been friendlier and more helpful. The conference took place at the Bellwether Hotel situated on the bay and what a beautiful hotel it is. The scenery all around is breathtaking and the weather was warm and sunny the whole time. Before the awards banquet I had forced myself to expect not to win in either of my two categories for which I was nominated. I truly believed that being nominated amongst thousands of other people who had submitted their books was an honor. I was pleasantly surprised when I won a first place ribbon for A Fate Worse Than Death, a prequel to my Hollywood Mystery Series. I hope that you will read it and go on to read the other books in the series. Writing is my greatest pleasure and I hope you will enjoy my books as much as I enjoy writing them. Thank you for your support and encouragement.
I’ve won a few awards for my books and scripts but my dream, as it was with acting when I first started out, is to be able to make a living doing what I love. The publishing business is difficult to break into, and becoming a successful author who makes a lot of money is nearly impossible. I think more difficult than getting acting jobs! Nevertheless, that is what I continue to hope for. Writing has taken over from acting in becoming my deepest pleasure. Because of the Covid debacle and SAG AFTRA’s no jab no job policy the past three years, I haven’t even been able to audition for acting roles. So writing took over my spare time. In a week I will be heading to a book conference in Bellingham, Washington and attending many seminars on how to become more successful as a writer. As a finalist in the Chanticleer International Book Competition for two of my books, awards night will be exciting and fun. I would love to win, as confirmation of my talent as a writer, of course, but also so I will be more successful in selling books! As they say, it is an honor to be nominated but winning would be sweet. Whatever happens, this trip will be a special time for me. If you’d like to check out me and my books, please visit brittlind.com. I hope it will be an enjoyable trip for you!
My favorite series on Netflix are Korean action, detective, comedy, romantic, and suspense series. I think I've seen Crash Landing on You at least six times. I like to binge watch but have to do it at night before I go to bed or I would get nothing done during the day. The direction, scripts, acting, and camera work is sensational. In my opinion Korean cinematography is the best in the world. The capital city of Seoul looks amazing - the architecture, the cleanliness, and the beautiful views make me want to take a trip there. But something I don't understand is how these incredibly sensitive, talented people can tolerate the dog eating industry in their midst. In my mind it just doesn't compute. Crowding dogs into cages, slaughtering them, and eating them is vile and nauseating. Factory farming all over the world is horrifically cruel. As a vegan and animal activist I am against it all. But there is something about tolerating man's best friend being tortured and eaten that goes beyond the pale. I hope Korean celebrities are working hard to prevent it. The eyes of the world are upon them. Let them end the nightmare.
In two weeks Alexandra Paul, a fellow animal activist/actress will go on trial for animal rescue. She will face a jury who will decide if she must spend time in jail because she is a compassionate, courageous person. Animal cruelty is against the law be it in a private situation, factory farms, fur farms, zoos, vivisection labs,or any other business that makes their money tormenting animals. Several weeks ago, the man who will be Alexandra's lawyer for her trial, also a rescuer, was found not-guilty for bringing two baby pigs out of a factory farm. Even though the judge would not allow a defense built on the horrendous cruelty being perpetuated in that house of horrors, the jury saw past all of the barriers put up by the judge and the government and said people have the right to rescue animals from horrific situations. I am hoping that Alexandra will have the same kind of insightful jury who will look past the lies of Foster Farms, overcome the restraints the judge will put on the defense, and find for the defendant. To Alexandra, sending the message that rescuing suffering animals is not only the right thing to do but is also perfectly legal is worth risking spending time in prison.
Now that I have the pitch deck for my movie the time has come to seek financing or the film will never see the light of day. Only money can bring it to life. I have sent out packets to 50 celebrities who love animals because my movie involves animals, but so far, I've had only one response from a beloved actor who says he's just not rich enough to invest. I've sent packets to three billionaires who love animals and am still waiting to hear from them. So now comes the hard part - calling companies that finance movies and asking if they will meet with me at the American Film Market. As an actress I should be used to rejection but that was different. I loved auditioning and always thought if I wasn't hired, the producers were crazy. Now, for the sake of the animals who are at the center of this movie I have to forget my fear and remember the reason I'm making calls and asking for money. The stress that I will go through cannot remotely be compared to what the animals are suffering. I have to remember that above all else and I'll do fine.
Everyone needs to lower their stress level every once in a while and forget their cares and woes. I sometimes recommend meditation, long walks in nature, or going to the beach. My own stress reducer appears in the fall and is a surefire way to get me to forget just about everything bad -- football season! I've been a football fan ever since I can remember. If I had been a guy I would have played football. Since I grew up in Seattle, the Seahawks are my team. Whether they win or lose I stick to them like glue. This year we were predicted to end up in the basement in our division but us 12s (fans) do not believe in that kind of thinking. And Monday night, wonder of wonders, we beat Denver and ruined Russell Wilson's return to Seattle. It was glorious. I've read every article and watched every video on the website at least three times. For one whole week, we are number one in our division because all of the other other teams lost. Yay! You have to enjoy a week like this. Number one! Who knows what Sunday will bring when we play the 49ers, but for now, I'm a happy 12 and my stress level is at zero.
Last Sunday a friend and I drove down to San Clemente to attend church on the beach. The first Sunday of every month my friend Peggy Hall and her husband hold a service surrounded by people sitting in beach chairs or on blankets and listen to various speakers, singers, and Pastor David, Peggy's husband. The final speaker is always Peggy who, with her incredible humor and vast knowledge, helps us live free in a world of unenforceable rules and regulations. Her theme was "the oldest trick in the world" - deception, something we are inundated with on a daily basis. To overcome the purveyors of lies one must know the truth with a capital T. Throw in a bit of common sense and the deceivers don't stand a chance. My friend said as we left, church should always take place in nature. The beauty of the sand, the ocean, and the hills fill us with a sense of wonder and closeness to our creator.
Every morning I watch the squirrels playing in the branches of the eucalyptus trees seven stories high. They have no worries about falling, they just hop from limb to limb having a fabulous time. It reminds me of what a famous actor once said about auditioning, "Don't be afraid to jump off the cliff. Your craft will catch you and you will soar." That is so true and something I've gotten better at as the years go by. But the SAG board has discriminated against me and thousands of other actors and we haven't been able to audition for over two years. No toxic jab, no job. The board is ruled by pharma and won't budge. An actor who I admire very much, Tim Robbins, tweeted last week-- End the discrimination! Let actors work! Even the CDC has changed its tune! But the SAG board has been too fear mongered to even admit they've been wrong. I want to hop around in the top branches again like the squirrels. It's time.
My dear sister has developed dementia. She’s doing crazy things like stuffing her underwear into shoes and hiding her cellphone in strange places. Most of the time has no idea of where she is. Her husband had no choice but to put her in memory care. My sister only read books occasionally and never learned how to use the computer. She loved working outdoors in her garden and seeing friends. My mother, on the other hand, was a voracious reader, opened her own business after she retired, and her mind was sharp until the day she died. My sister allowed her first husband to do all of their investing, and bill paying. After he died, she married again very soon and the new husband took over, once again sparing my sister from having to deal with numbers. You can’t let your brain get lazy or it will go to sleep. You don’t want to be like my sister who recently asked her husband in a moment of lucidity, “Are you going to send me to the funny farm now?” I want to be like my mother who used to declare in her heavy Norwegian accent, “I’m so glad I still have my brain!” And she had it until her mid nineties when she joined her husband in heaven.
It's impossible to understand the difficulty involved in dealing with a loved who is falling victim to dementia until it happens to you. In my case, two family members are fast losing their memory. At first, you don't want to believe it is happening. Often you find yourself irritated and saying, "I've already told you that four times!" or "How can you forget where you buy your juice?!" After you've asked these questions time and time again you have to admit this is not just forgetfulness, stretching the limits of your patience, but a disease that is not the fault of the loved one. Constant irritation at the person's need to be reminded of something over and over again has to be replaced with understanding and love. If you stay in denial you can drive yourself crazy, and that doesn't do anyone any good. Pray for patience, use love as a verb and you can get through it.
When my best friend in the world, my cat Teeny, died I was devastated. He was the one who sat behind me on my chair when I wrote my books and walked all over my computer when he got bored. He woke me up every morning by lightly tapping his paw on my face and sat on my stomach until I got up. He was special in so many ways. But his mother and brother are still with me, both of them rescued ferals like Teeny. Baby Hughie has taken it upon himself to wake me up, and his mother Toughie visits me as I write. It's as if they know they have to step up to the plate and take over Teeny's duties. Teeny will always be in my heart but the other two are special in their own way and I so very much appreciate having them both in my life.
During the past two years outside forces controlled much of our lives. Although I tend not to follow orders and, like most of my friends, lived my life as normally as possible, friends and family members became estranged because of differences of opinion, and some relationships broke forever. It was impossible not to be touched by what was going on. Because I was not allowed to audition or be cast in acting roles these past two years, I found my creative outlet in writing. I had always researched and written articles for my nonprofit but finally my love of putting words on a page just for fun emerged. Writing my mystery novels became my joy. My characters seem to have lives of their own that I’m barely able to control. My fingers on my laptop keyboard follow their lead and I have to type fast to keep up. I never realized writing could be so much fun. As is true during so many other times of trouble, there is a silver lining in there somewhere. You don’t have to look too hard. It is there.
To people who have never been close to a beloved animal companion it may be difficult to understand the grief of losing your best friend who happens to be an animal. My cat Teeny went to heaven last week and his pain from kidney failure has mercifully ended. He was my supporter, my constant companion as I sat at the computer. He greeted me at the door when I came home. He gently tapped my cheek with his paw in the morning to wake me up. He was sweet and loving and enjoyed meeting new people. I'm still functioning in a gray fog of grief. There is an empty place in my life where he used to be. A friend told me "the bond is not broken." She said I will see him again in heaven, and I know that's true. But meanwhile, I miss him more than words can say.
Besides being an antivivisectionist working to abolish animal experimentation, I’ve been an animal activist all my life. The issue my friends and I are working on now is very close to home – protesting the medieval torture machine that enslaves ponies in Griffith Park. Ponies are chained to metal bars on a turnstile and forced to walk in circles for several hours a day, all week long, year after year until they drop dead of mental misery and physical degradation. This “ride” has been a tradition in the park for many years. People have tried to shut it down, but the park commissioners keep ignoring the many voices who raise objections to the slave labor of the ponies and renew the contracts of the concession owners year after year. I have asked the commissioners, why are they ignoring the public outcry, why are they ignoring the suffering of the ponies? They all seem like normal human beings who should care, but I fear that this group of commissioners are the same as the ones in the past – they don’t want change, and a tradition of cruelty, no matter how obscene will continue.
As my friends and readers know, I recently regained my Norwegian citizenship after I lost it as a child when my parents became citizens of the U.S. I had to fill out tons of paperwork and wait for almost a year before flying up to the Norwegian embassy in San Francisco to finalize my dual citizenship. In two weeks, I must fly up again to to apply for a Norwegian passport. I’m not looking forward to going back to San Francisco for two reasons; I’ll have to do my usual duck and hide when it comes to avoiding wearing a mask in terminals and on planes (I wear a scarf around my neck, walk fast, eat and drink in the terminal and all the way on the plane) but what is really sad is to experience the glorious San Francisco of my youth now being run by tyrants who demand proof of vaccines and mask wearing everywhere and yet have allowed my favorite haunts to become trash dumps with homeless people with no place to go. The city used to be a tourist destination. Now it is a place to avoid. Very, very sad.
I love football and always pray fervently for my poor, down and out Seahawks to win. But when the Chiefs played the Bengals for the championship two weeks ago with all the odds in the favor of the Chiefs, I said, “God, those Cincinnati fans have been waiting for decades to go to the Super Bowl. Maybe you can perform a little miracle for them.” That the Bengals overcame a huge deficit to beat the Chiefs that day, was nothing short of a miracle. They’re on their way to the Super Bowl. But a much more important miracle happened last month when my cat, and very best friend Teeny became deathly ill. He was so thin he couldn’t walk and couldn’t eat. He lay on my bed as if he were preparing to die. I cried and told God I wasn’t ready for Teeny to go. We found a new veterinarian who did what he could for Teeny and I asked everyone I knew to pray. Teeny’s recovery was astounding, and I was overjoyed. It was a true miracle. I know I have to let Teeny go some day but I wasn’t ready for him to leave me yet, and God, in his mercy, let me keep Teeny a while longer. I believe in miracles.
When I was young, my dream was to live in a house overlooking a lake or the ocean with enough land so I could rescue horses and other animals that had been abused or left at animal shelters. For years that was my ultimate goal. As time went on and it became evident that I would never have the kind of money it would take to fulfill my dream, I had to let it go. I rescued many cats, dogs and bunnies and gave them lots of love and security but the horses that I love so much would never find a home with me. I don’t live in a big house overlooking the water and doubt if that will ever happen, but I am supremely grateful for the small home I do have on the edge of my town’s botanical gardens that no developer can ever destroy. Instead of looking out the window and seeing horses roaming a large pasture, I see small animals and birds and the lush green trees off my balcony. Dreams aren’t always fulfilled but learning to enjoy what you do have is vital to one’s happiness.
Sometimes, as a writer, you wonder if what you are doing is worth the many hours and all of the effort you put into it – Am I good enough? Will my books sell? Will reviewers be kind? Then, this past week three wonderful reviews came in. Two were for a book, MALEVOLENCE – A HOLLYWOOD MYSTERY to be published next month and one was for A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH. From Readers Favorite I received a rare 5 star review for MALEVOLENCE which means I can put their medallion on the cover. The relief I feel when a good review comes in is inexplicable. Writers, like all creative people, need a reason to keep creating. As an actor, when my life was more rejection than acceptance, it was the encouragement of my acting teachers that kept me going. And every time I booked a job that was the greatest encouragement of all. We all need a reason to go on working in our chosen field and enjoying our career – promotions, raises, praise from bosses and fellow workers. Be liberal with your sincere compliments when people do a great job. It makes everybody happy to hear praise, the receiver as well as the giver.
When we were young, Bob Saget and I were acting students of Daryl Hickman. Bob was mostly interested in comedy and invited everyone in class to come to his stand-up comedy gigs. Little did we know how famous he would become when he landed a role on Full House. Years later he was directing a TV movie in Vancouver, B.C. so, because I lived in northern Washington at the time, I called him and said I wanted to be in his movie. He said no problem and that was that. I was in. On the set he treated everyone with respect no matter how big or small their part. Just like Peter Falk on his sets, there was no difference between a star and an extra. All were given equal importance. Recently, on a movie set, an entirely different atmosphere was allowed to exist by the producers, and one person ended up injured, and one killed. Where there is little consideration of cast and crew, things like that can happen. I believe the way Bob and Peter ran their shows is the rule and not the exception. At least I hope so. But some, like Bob and Peter, go out of their way to treat everyone with the respect they deserve.
Two days ago, I watched a French movie, The Invisible Guest, on Netflix that had all the ingredients for a wonderful movie. The acting, production values and direction were excellent. But what especially impressed me was the script. There were several twists and turns in the plot, but the final twist was so inventive it caught me completely off guard. I never saw it coming. I once read an Agatha Christie mystery that was just as inventive. And like all good mysteries both left clues that most people disregard until the denouement is revealed and they remember what they should have noticed. Columbo did the same; the clues were there, as they were in the show I guest starred in, but only Columbo could figure out their meaning and nail the perpetrator. I am envious of writers who come up with devious plot twists. I hope that if I keep writing I will come up with some clever ones of my own.
Years ago, when I was very young, I remember my mother saying to me, “After you pass age 40 your life goes by at lightning speed. Make the most of your life while you are alive.” For me, whose only dream was to be an actress, the future was clear. Winning acting roles was what I lived for. But I also was fortunate enough to move beyond my career passion to my true calling in life, saving animals from cruelty and becoming dedicated to the abolition of animal experimentation. It’s a tough calling filled with immense pain and heartache, but I also felt incredible relief when I finally gave in to God’s plan for my life. I wrote LEARNING HOW TO FLY to inspire others who have a dream they are passionate about but need to find something else that will make them feel that their life is worthwhile beyond their career goals. Maybe you have encountered roadblocks as you strive to achieve a successful career in your chosen field, but I say absolutely follow your dreams. They are a huge part of who you are. But when you also discover your life’s calling and follow it you will experience tremendous fulfillment and joy.
My dear, sweet cats, Teeny, Baby Hughie and Toughie were feral cats that I adopted six years ago when I lived in Washington State. Teeny and Baby Hughie were youngsters and Toughie was a few years older. They lived in a vacant lot in crumbling trailers with other feral cats and ran around in the cold and the rain looking for handouts in my condo complex. One day they showed up at my door, I started feeding them, they asked to come in and I said yes. Ever since, they have lived the good life in my home, now in California. Two months ago, I had a call from Teeny’s veterinarian who said that tests showed Teeny’s kidneys were about to completely fail, and death was imminent. At first, I was devastated. I cried and prayed for Teeny’s healing. I gave him appetite stimulators, and lo and behold, his appetite came back and he is still with me and acting healthier than ever. Now, just standing in the kitchen and looking down on Teeny eating fills me with joy. You never really know how much someone means to you until you think you might lose them.
I read today in the paper the details about what went wrong when the director of a movie was shot and killed by an actor shooting a gun on a movie set. I read about how little the producers cared about the well-being of the crew, how the people in the production office actually joked about how crew members said the drive home to and from the set was too long and arduous. The people who worked in the production office had t-shirts made mocking the crews’ requests for hotel rooms that were closer so they could get their proper rest. The girl handling the guns had almost no experience, everything moved too fast without regard for safety. No medic was on set and the food was less than adequate. I’ve never worked under those conditions. On a TV show when I was supposed to murder three people, my gun was not loaded, nevertheless, one of the actors I was supposed to shoot, moved my hand holding the gun, away from his chest and said, never point a gun that close at anyone. High budget, low budget, or in between, actors should be treated well in all aspects of filming, not just because they belong to a union but because they are human beings and deserve respect.
Until Netflix I never had access to Korean and Chinese films. I had no way to appreciate the incredible cinematography, direction, writing and acting. Now I do. I deeply appreciate Korean and Chinese film makers and have fallen in love with a Chinese actor who is by far the most talented actor I have ever seen. In Rise of the Phoenixes there is no human emotion that he does not express – silliness, weakness, fear, love, tenderness, ruthlessness, strength, weakness and so much more. While American actors, especially men, are very restrained in their acting, I find that Asian actors are not afraid to express themselves freely. Maybe that is because in their culture it’s okay to be vulnerable and totally let go of their feelings. Who knew?! I thought it was the other way around. Even though the emotions expressed by Asian actors are unrestrained and raw, there is not a false moment in their emoting. In looking at my own acting, I’d like to think that if given a chance I could be as authentic as they are without being restrained by a fear of over-acting – the ultimate sin as far as American actors go. I hope I do have an opportunity to be more as an actor. I’d like to find out what I can do.
Down the hall from me in our condo complex lives an amazing woman. She is in her mid-nineties but looks like she’s not a day over sixty. She has soft blond hair, a clear complexion and is in fabulous shape. She’s barely five feet tall and is a bundle of energy. She runs errands in her big new car and takes herself to breakfast, lunch or dinner when the moods suits her. She radiates a positive energy that must be the main reason for her longevity and incredible physical appearance. I’ve never asked her about her diet or the secret of maintaining such good health for so many years, that would be rude. And I don’t want to call attention to the fact that she is anything but normal. She doesn’t consider herself old and never talks about her age. But she did say one day when I was talking about a very vivacious 80 year old lady – “80 is young now. No big deal.” I want to be like her. I want to have her positive outlook as she looks forward to living many more years. Diet, exercise and all the rest are important but the right kind of thinking may be the key to living a long healthy life.
Because of events that are transpiring in this country and the world right now I was thinking today of what my parents endured in Norway during WWII when they were young and the Nazis invaded their country. My father was slave labor to the Nazis at an airfield and my mother became so frightened and nervous she never got over it for the rest of her life. Hitler murdered millions of people for “the good of the German people.” He wanted to keep the Aryan populace “pure”, so he rounded up Jews, gypsies, homosexuals and had them sent off to camps to die. Stalin, Lenin and other tyrants slaughtered millions of people for “the greater good.” What they did was good for “society” which means that individual rights are ended, no one has the freedom to decide what they will do with their own bodies, will be told what to believe and how to behave and are expendable. The word “society” does not refer to any person. It is an empty word referring to no one, but is a convenient word for rulers. When you hear the words “for the greater good,” beware. They are the favorite words of tyrants and would-be tyrants who find them very useful in convincing people to be their obedient slaves.
I have friends who have fathers like my heroine Rosemaria in the Hollywood Mystery stories. They were loving and supportive and kind. My father was not like that. He was cold, distant, never touched me, let alone hugged me or told me he loved me. On the contrary, he could be unspeakably cruel and not care that he did things that broke my heart. Having a father like that can leave a hole in your heart that you constantly feel the need to fill later in life with men who are inappropriate and sometimes are like the father who didn’t love you. You seek to earn the love from them that you never received as a child. It takes going to therapy and being willing to live alone for long periods of time as you learn to understand how lack of a father’s love has impacted you as an adult. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to learn but it’s never to late to change.
I’ve always been fascinated with true crime stories in books and on TV. I love stories about cops who go after a murderer not letting anything stand in the way of getting justice for the victim. These kinds of cops identify with the person who was killed and stay in close contact with the family. Often they annoy their spouses who complain about having to be alone all the time. Personally, I would love to be married to a cop. I would be proud that he’s working overtime to find a murderer, testify in court and make sure the killer is convicted. Are there some bad cops in every city? Sure. But for the most part, the cops that I’ve met and interviewed are hardworking decent people who deserve to earn a lot more money considering what they do for all of us. So, when I hear people talking about “defunding the police” I find it truly objectionable. When I call 911 because there’s a prowler outside my house or someone just hit me with their car and drove off, I want to know someone will show up and help me. Who else is willing to risk their lives every day and take heat when things go sideways through no fault of their own? No one but a cop.
When you have a passion for your chosen profession, especially if it involves the arts, a lot may depend on luck and people you know or are related to in order to reach the pinnacle of success that you envisioned when you were young. After the years go by, and it looks as if that pinnacle may never be reached, discouragement, depression and hopelessness may set in. That doesn’t have to happen if you remember two things. One - besides your passion you also have a calling – something you were meant to do to help others that is just as important. Two - remember the first Rocky movie. Against incredible odds, a nobody was selected to go up against the world champ. Rocky Balboa trained as never before, reached the peak of his ability and almost won. Rocky told his wife before the fight that if he can go the distance he will have won. In life, if we go the distance we win – as a genuine, giving, loving person we can never be a loser, only a fabulous winner.
From the time I was in high school I thought that if I didn’t make it big as an actress by the time I was 40 I might as well be dead. Like Rosemaria’s mother in A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH I gave acting my all, put it ahead of everything and everybody and willed myself to become a star. But it didn’t happen. There were terrible betrayals by agents and casting directors, bad decisions by me, big stars who used nepotism to dump me in favor of their child or girlfriend, and, at times, just plain bad luck. I had my share of good roles but as my career moved along at a slow and steady pace, I realized my big dream was not going to happen. Amazingly, I didn’t want to die. There were other things in life that were important - my family, my friends, helping animals, enjoying nature and so many other things. If you want to make it big in any career it helps to be obsessive but if you put all your blood, sweat and tears into that one basket, failure can destroy you.
My heroine in my Hollywood Mystery books, Rosemaria Baker, has a close relationship with her father. He has always encouraged her, respected her and loved her unconditionally since she was a child. My own father was distant, cold and never showed the slightest bit of affection for me, my sister or my mother. He had endured terrible experiences as a young man during the Nazi occupation of Norway when he lived in fear every day as he worked as slave labor at an airfield where he never knew from one day to the next if he would be killed. Eventually he moved as far away from those experiences as he could and took his family with him to the U.S. But maybe he couldn’t ever erase the memories of those dark days in Norway. Maybe they hardened his heart for the rest of his life and caused him to shut us all out. I wondered how he could ever have married someone as sweet and loving as my mother and why she would want to be with someone like him. They never talked to me about their personal lives, so I’ll never know the answers to those questions. But I’ll always wonder.
It’s very exciting to launch a new book. For months I’ve been sharing my thoughts about writing, acting and life through book bubbles and this time I want to express how happy I am to share what Rosemaria Baker’s childhood was like in my new book, A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH. When I wrote DECEPTION – A Hollywood Mystery, I always knew what it had been like for Rosemaria to be the daughter of an actress and an L.A. homicide detective and that her young life had not been easy. I hadn’t thought of putting her childhood experiences into words until my publisher suggested I write a short prequel doing just that. So, before I publish the next instalment of Hollywood Mysteries, MALEVOLENCE, here is A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH that gives you some idea of how Rosemaria Baker grew up to be the intense, focused, persevering cop that she is.
From the time she was three years old living in Norway, Britt loved animals and surrounded herself with them. When she moved with her family to America, she discovered she also loved performing. But she had parents who considered all of that a sin. Even cheerleading was a big no-no, but somehow Britt managed to overcome their objections.
After Clint Eastwood cast her in Play Misty for Me while living in Carmel, she moved to L.A. and quickly was able to obtain work. Featured roles led to co-starring roles, which led to guest-starring roles. She married a producer, had a beautiful baby girl and was working as an actress. She had it all. Then tragedy struck and she lost everything. Acting work became hard to find, and life became a matter of survival.
After a daring move to New York, she found herself singing in Carnegie Hall with a gospel group and working in a musical. But still, she felt she had not lived up to her expectations, and she became overwhelmed with hopelessness. But a God-given epiphany set her back on track, and she realized she had a very good reason to go on.
A few days ago I watched a haunting movie Suicide Virgins that starred Josh Hartnett. He immediately won my heart as the good looking stud who seduces the homecoming queen. This role and his role in Pearl Harbor brought him immense fame and an unlimited future as an actor, but he chose to step back, fearing typcasting and passed up the role of Chris Nolan's Batman. His career plummeted until Nolan finally cast him in Oppenheimer. Believing your good luck will last forever is a mistake many actors make. When I was working and married to a producer I turned down jobs that I thought weren't good enough for me. I actually called a casting director myself and told him I didn't want to be cast in a science fiction show that turned out to be a hit. When my run of luck ran out, I would have been happy to work in anything. Lesson learned. Be grateful for what you have. Every good thing in life is a gift. Say yes to opportunities. They may never come again.
I've loved true crime books ever since I discovered the genre. My favorite true crime writer was Ann Rule. For the past two days I've been reading one of the best true crime books I've ever read - Restless Souls. It wasn't written by a famous writer but by Brie Tate, the granddaughter of Doris Tate, who spent her life, after the brutal murder of her daughter Sharon and her friends, making sure the Manson clan stayed in jail. She worked tirelessly to change the justice system to work for victims, not murderers. After Doris died, her daughter Patti picked up the reins. Reading about the family's ordeal after the murders was heartbreaking. The story behind the headlines is much more compelling that what we've been told. Their suffering was overwhelming. Doris and Patti Tate gave their lives to make sure the monsters who brutalized and killed Sharon stayed behind bars. Now, Manson follower, Leslie Van Houten, found guilty of the murders of Leno and Rosemary La Bianca and sentenced to death, has been granted parole. Governor Newsom will not fight it. The victims' family are devastated. Justice has not been done. If Doris were still alive she would have fought it tooth and nail. But no one has the fortitude and strength to do what she did all those years. One of the most despicable people who ever lived is free to walk among us. I wish Once Upon a Time in Hollywood was the real story.
As I'm fighting to get back to normal after my car accident and dealing with occasional regression, I find myself fighting a battle on another front - the HOA where I live is determined to spray every building in our complex with a deadly poison called sulfuryl fluoride in order to kill termites. Since I am highly sensitive to fluoride and it makes me deathly ill, I wrote to the HOA president, per the rules of the Americans With Disability Act, that the board not allow the pesticide company to spray that gas into our building and instead, use a non toxic method. She ignored me. That meant she was violating my civil rights. I had to file a complaint with the Civil Rights System of California and now they are on the case. Other tenants who knew nothing about the spraying that is due to happen in September are now up in arms, and the HOA president is on the warpath with me in her sites. She's held power over this condo complex for 15 years and loathes anyone who dares stand up to her, in this case, me. It will be interesting to see how this all plays out.
In a few hours I'll be going to see the movie The Sound of Freedom about horrific child trafficking that is second only to the world-wide drug trade. Jim Caviezel, the star, and the producers of the film had an extremely difficult time getting this movie produced. For reasons we can only guess, the powers-that-be in the movie industry did not want this movie made. Disney, with their woke agenda did not support the subject matter and insisted the word "God" be eliminated. The producers found another way to get this film made. Why were the billionaires in the film industry so opposed to this film? When Epstein was finally brought to justice and jailed, countless numbers of wealthy and famous people were exposed as pedophiles with many more still having their identities hidden. What a tragic world we live in when powerful entities in Hollywood try to suppress a film that exposes horrible crimes against children being perpetrated all over the world.
Lately I've had dreams of my mother that are so real I feel that I really see her. When I was growing up I never considered how hard she worked, how my father took her away from her beautiful house in Norway and moved us all into a tumble down shack in Seattle. For decades she worked like a slave in a sewing factory while I ignored her suffering. I was too busy playing with my friends. In her sixties, she wanted more than anything to go on vacation in Hawaii but my father refused. After he died I moved to the little town where she lived and was determined to help her have as much fun as we could stuff into each and every day. I had finally come to grips with the sacrifices she made and how little she got in return - going to church on Sundays, dressed in her finest, and a week off in the summer. She deserved so much more and I was determined to help her enjoy life to the fullest. I think I did that until the day she died, still sharp as a tack, still sweet, kind, generous, loving, and forgiving. I could never make up for the wonderful life she lost when my father took her away from family and friends in Norway, but the closeness we came to know in her last years was an incomparable gift to both of us.
For the past two months we have been inundated with rain here in Southern California. During two long seasons of drought I used to pray for rain. I was worried about the many oak trees and sycamores that grow on the hillsides everywhere in my town and didn't want them to die. Now, that God has answered my prayers for rain in a big way, I'm happy. Every day that I wake up and it's pouring down rain I put on my rain gear and walk around my complex. The cold and the rain remind me very much of my home town in Norway. Here, like in Sauda, I am surrounded by hills and mountains that have now turned a lush green and I feel safe and protected. I remember the last time I was in Oslo with a dear friend and it rained the first day we walked together around the city. Maybe not great tourist weather but I was in heaven. Growing up in Seattle I admit I did long for sunshine. Too much of a good thing can be too much. But when a girl from Norway lives in a place where sunshine is the norm and droughts turn lawns brown I do welcome being drenched day after day by the glorious, pouring rain.
My father never told me why he decided against all our wishes that my mother, sister and I had to leave Norway and move to Seattle. We, who had been happy surrounded by family and friends, had to leave our beautiful home to live in a two room shack. My mother was forced to work long, grueling hours in a sewing factory for many years. But God sent her a friend, the janitor at the factory. She told me his name was Games. He helped her learn English, explained the strict rules at the factory, was there for her. He made a beautiful mirrored closet for my doll's clothes and a glass fronted case for my doll's dishes and always asked about my sister and me. When I went to work at the factory when I was 12 for the summer I finally met Games. He was a handsome, white-haired black man. He struck out his hand and said, "Hello, I'm James." James was his name! And he never minded or corrected my mother for not being able to say his name right. The color of his skin was irrelevant to my mother. He was just a good man, not rich or famous, but my hero nevertheless.
Yesterday I had to shop at Ralph's market and when I arrived, the parking lot had been set-decorated. I saw all the camera trucks, the dressing rooms, the honey wagon, the AD's running around, and then the camera set-up at the front entrance of Ralph's. I don't know what they were filming but as always when I see a film crew, every fiber of my being was aching to be a part of it. Ever since I was in grade school I knew I wanted to be an actress even though my parents said it was a sin. I always thought I'd be acting until I was too old to remember lines. Then the Covid scam came along, my union, SAG AFTRA decided on a "no jab, no job" policy, and for three years I haven't even been able to audition. It's painful to be shut out of your profession but it's even worse to risk your health for a job. I quickly walked past the cameras into Ralph's and tried to forget what was going on outside. I've been shut out and all the protests, petitions, letters and emails haven't changed a thing. But we have no choice but to keep trying.
Having grown up in Seattle, of course I am a Seahawk fan - an over the top, rabid fan. When they lose I am depressed all week and when they win I spend every day on the Hawk site looking for new articles and videos so I can wallow in the victory. Before the game I put on all my Hawk charms and gear to help them win. Because the Hawks are not playing up to their Super Bowl season expectations right now, I spend half the game in the kitchen praying to God for my team. "Please! Make a miracle happen! Let me be happy this week!" When God allows the Hawks to lose, I take it personally, feel ignored, and very resentful. Then I have to calm down, admit he's got more important things on his plate than helping my team win and I become resigned to my fate. (kind of) Every week I vow to not depend on my prayers and accept what happens, and every week if they lose I fail in my good intentions. What can I say? I love my team. And when they are not playing up to par, right or wrong, I will hope for miracles to tip the scales in their favor.
Every morning I walk up and down several flights of stairs in my condo building for half an hour. This morning as I walked, I was mulling over my pastor's sermon to us yesterday regarding the evil times we live in, where children, free speech, bodily autonomy, and more are under attack by the government and mainstream media. He pointed out that even in ancient times, those who spoke the truth, like the prophet Jeremiah, were reviled just as they are now. Every day, as head of a nonprofit, I face incoming missiles that I send back to the source refuting lies with truth. But sometimes I feel discouraged and wonder when these oppressive and dangerous times will end. Then, when I opened the door to the roof this morning, I saw a rainbow that seemed so close I could touch it. Tears sprung into my eyes as I was reminded that God is in charge, and the rainbow is a symbol of his covenant with every one of us. The rainbow represents everything good and hopeful. At the end of my walk, I opened the door to the roof again and saw that the rainbow had spread from one end of the horizon to the other. What a wonderful day.
Anyone who has read Learning How to Fly, knows that acting is my passion and animal activism is my calling. In a culmination of everything I am and know, I have written a thriller that has a sub-theme of anti-vivisection. I’ve spent over two years putting together the movie package and the last two months having a lawyer draw up all the legal papers involved in asking investors for money. Today I will send out my first two letters to investors. According to the SEC rule I am operating under, they must be millionaires and I sure hope some of them will open up their pocketbooks to me. I have two years to raise the money. I feel like I have done everything in my power to make this movie happen, praying for guidance every step along the way. Now, as the famous actress Hattie McDaniel used to say, “I’ve done my best, and God will do the rest.” I believe in miracles and that's what it will take to make this movie happen.
We all have unpleasant people in our lives who we have to spend time with, either at work or in family situations. We can’t avoid them, and we must deal with them the best we can. Sometimes they are family members who are close to us. Being in their presence may not be very enjoyable but you are expected to love them because of their relationship to you. You may feel guilty in cases like this because you don’t have that warm, fuzzy kind of love you feel for people who act in a loving manner toward you. What you must do with people like this is treat love like a verb instead of a noun. Don’t feel guilty and keep trying to force yourself into having a loving feeling for the unpleasant people in your life. Treat them well and send good wishes and blessings their way. Don’t expect reciprocation. Just pray for their well being and know you have done all you can.
Everyone who has read my book Learning How to Fly knows that I have been an animal activist almost my entire life and that I have been working for 35 years to abolish the fraudulent animal experimentation industry. I have had to deal with Fauci, the NIH, the pharmaceutical industry, disease organizations, and several universities on a constant basis. They all torture and kill animals in their laboratories by the millions. A few years ago, I thought we were making progress in closing down vivisection labs. It has been heartbreaking to see in the last two years Fauci and his fellow vivisectors lying to the public about a virus that doesn't exist while he continues to get richer and gives multimillion dollar taxpayer grants to drug/vaccine companies so they can test vaccines on animals, and slaughter millions of animals to be used as ingredients in vaccines. Because pharma now owns the media they can convince the public of anything. And as a result, innocent animals have to suffer and die for a product that causes harm and death to humans. The Bible says "the love of money (greed) is the root of all evil. I know for a fact that it is.
In any movement it is important for like minded groups and individuals to work together to make change happen. As the head of an antivivisection nonprofit, I have immense respect for all the different ways we work toward the abolition of animal experimentation. PETA is able to use their financial resources to file lawsuits and pay for billboards and other advertising. SAEN manages to obtain graphic photographs of experiments in the labs. White Coat Waste works with politicians in Congress to educate them about the billions of tax dollars being wasted on gruesome experiments. My group PRISM holds protests, publishes information on vivisection and disease organizations and lobbies politicians. And sometimes we all come together to shut down a lab like the Eunice Shriver Baby Monkey Lab in Poolesville, MD. People are working to end cruelty to animals in many ways all over the world. No one can do any of it alone. I am grateful to all the wonderful people who do their part.
During these crazy times in my life and in the world, I depend even more on God for direction. Today I was remembering the time when I completely surrendered control of my life and handed it over to him. I was middle aged; my options had run out, so I crazily decided to move to New York City. I only had enough money to put down first and last on a $900 a month apartment and to pay for 4 days at the Y. I had no job and no friends. My room at the Y was the size of a closet. I would stand in the hall and look out the window and pray, “Let me find a place to live, God, so I can send for Squeeky.” The second day a real estate agent found me the impossible, a temporary studio to rent at $800 a month. I sent for my cat Squeeky, my best friend. The third day I landed a temp job. Sunday I attended Marble Collegiate Church that became my church home. One of the pastors found me a rent-controlled sublet on the Upper East Side. I joined the Marble Gospel Choir and performed at Carnegie Hall, Madison Square Garden and other venues. Miracle after miracle. It’s what happens when you live in faith.
My parents were very strict -- secular music, television, square dancing in gym class, wearing makeup, going to movies, attending the prom, and drinking alcohol were terrible sins. Those are the conditions I grew up under, me, an aspiring actress who loved to dance. Nevertheless, I remember every Christmas as being very special. Our house would be beautifully decorated, and we always had a tree that reached to the ceiling. We would dress in our Sunday best on Christmas Eve and my parents, my sister and her husband and I would enjoy a festive dinner. Then we would open our presents and I would sit facing the fireplace reading my book, my favorite of all presents. In high school I sang with Chanters, the most professional, and glorious of any of the high school choirs in the city of Seattle. We would sing carols in beautiful harmony in a neighborhood known as “Candy Cane Lane” because of the exquisite Christmas decorations outside every house. I loved the crunch of the snow when I walked to school in the morning. So, no matter what may be going on in this world, no matter how much stress and strain these terrible times may bring, those special memories will not allow anything to ruin the Christmas season for me.
It difficult for most people to understand how wonderful it was to receive my Norwegian citizenship back last week after having it forcefully removed from me when my parents became American citizens. I was dragged along to America for the ride, kicking and screaming. I wanted to go home to Norway again. For years I kept asking when we were going back. No one else in the family cared in the least bit that we were here to stay – only me. And after firmly establishing a life here and not being wealthy enough to afford homes in two countries, I had no choice but to stay. Next year I will apply for my Norwegian passport and will visit my home town again as soon as this “debacle” and mask-wearing thing is over. I only wish that Norway had offered dual citizenship years ago. Now, wondering how many years I have left on this earth, is there still time to retire to Norway, live in my favorite city Bergen and be surrounded by my family? I don’t know. I’ll try to stay healthy so my dream can come true.
The continued destruction of our one and only home – planet earth, worries me. Most of this destruction is caused by greed - oil drilling in pristine areas, mining that ravages mountains, agribusiness that is taking over our prairies, and fracking just about everywhere. Pollution, factory farming and everything else that is destroying our planet are based in greed. Greed is what we are taught in school – do well, get hired by a big company and make a lot of money. Character, morals, compassion, dedicating one’s life to helping other people does not pay well. Quiz shows glorify greed. Everything is all about money. We are paying the price for greed in a vast array of diseases. Animal species are disappearing as their habitats are destroyed. Monarch butterflies, bees, dolphins, whales, hummingbirds, polar bears, elephants are all being destroyed by greed and rich people who love to murder endangered species. Man is a destroyer of this earth. Only good people can save it.
Every year for four years doves have nested on my balcony in the fall. The mama always laid two eggs and usually both babies managed to survive. Because where they built their nest in one of my flowering bushes was so precarious with heavy winds blasting away at their nest, I built them a birdhouse. Last year they seemed happy with the birdhouse but only one baby lived beyond two weeks. Then he disappeared long before he was able to fly. I’m afraid that he was snatched by one of the blue jays who used to hang around our deck. I was devastated. The parents came back to feed him and couldn’t find him. I saw them looking everywhere for hours and it broke my heart. By now, the doves should have come back, fussing with their nest and adding to it but they are nowhere in sight. I stopped feeding the blue jays as soon as the baby disappeared, so they haven’t been back. But I’m afraid the doves have decided my deck is a danger zone and they have gone elsewhere to have their babies. I’m very disappointed because I am so attached to them. But they and nature know best, and I have to respect that.
It’s one thing to pray and another thing to have faith that your prayers will be answered. I heard a story years ago about a group of farmers whose crops were dying because of a long drought. They walked from their church to stand at the edge of a field of corn to pray for the rain that they so desperately needed. Joining the group was a little girl who walked up to the rest of them carrying an umbrella. One of the farmers asked her why she brought an umbrella when it hadn’t rained for months and she answered, “I want to be prepared for when it starts to rain.” She was the only true believer in the group. Whenever I dream big and pray about some goal I am visualizing I always say to God, “I’m bringing my umbrella!” I’m letting him know and am reminding myself that I believe that my prayers will be answered. The Bible says all we need is faith the size of a mustard seed and that I can always find no matter what.
Last week, a man who lives in Sweden and was a big fan of the mini series How the West Was Won sent me some pictures of me as Erika Hanks to autograph. Two of them I had never seen before, and they were so amazing I had to make copies of them to save for myself. When you’re young you never appreciate the highlights of your life. At least I didn’t. l loved filming HTWWW, and working with James Arness and Bruce Boxleitner was a joy. I totally fell in love with Bruce, but alas he was engaged to the girl who played his sister, and I was married, so my unrequited love was hopeless. When we were filming, I had no idea that the series would make the impact that it did in other parts of the world. I still get letters and emails from people telling me how much they loved the series and loved me. Lars said it was the biggest miniseries ever to show in Sweden. I wish there were a way to go back in time and relive one of the best periods of my life. But memories, videos and pictures are all I have and that will have to do.
For those who have read my memoir LEARNING HOW TO FLY you know that even though my passion is acting I segued into animal activism and eventually became an antivivisectionist. The abolishment of animal experimentation is my calling. For several years I felt as if we were making progress – labs were shut down, medical schools stopped requiring animal experimentation for medical students to receive their degrees and the vast and gruesome vaccine industry that uses animals as ingredients in their vaccines and as test subjects seemed to be on a downhill track. Then, despite me, members of my groups and hundreds of other people warning the public about the dangers of vaccines the Covid vaccines came into existence and the torture and slaughter of animals has spiked to new highs. I could get discouraged and give up and ask myself, “What’s the use?” But the thought of abandoning the forgotten animals in those brutal labs is not an option.
My favorite time of day is dusk. That’s when the oppressive heat of the day has been replaced by a cool breeze blowing through the valley. I love walking around my complex and my neighborhood, enjoying the trees and flowers and being surrounded by mountains, knowing that the sea is right on the other side. I may not be living in the mansion that I thought I’d end up living in, but I love the home I have and being able to, at the end of the day, walk for miles, breathing in the beauty of nature. If I were a millionaire, would it feel so much better to live in such incredible surroundings? I don’t think so. My back yard may be the botanical gardens owned by the city but if I owned all those plants and the hill they grow on myself would they be even more beautiful? No way. I have everything I need and want right here, and I don’t have to be rich to feel the peace of mind God’s beauty gives me.
Because my sister was 10 years older than me, she was like a second mother. When I was in grade school, my parents spoke hardly any English, so it was my sister and her husband who went to parent’s day. She almost disappeared from my life when she got married except for coming home for birthdays and holidays. When my parents visited friends, they would leave me at her house, and I loved that. There I could watch TV, eat American food and feel a bit of freedom away from my house where almost everything I liked was a sin. Recently, my sister developed some form of dementia. She is often confused and can’t remember what is said from one moment to the next. When I fly up to visit her, I can see that she is slipping away and I wonder how much longer she will remember me. During my latest trip I was gratified that we spent two happy days together. The strong sister who for years was the rock of the family, whose house was the center of every family celebration, now resides in three small rooms in an assisted living facility and lives very quietly away from family and friends. I wish life weren’t that way. I wish the party could go on forever.
Even though I’ve been exposing animal experimentation as scientific fraud for over 30 years, seeing photos of animals being tortured in vivisection labs is still extremely painful. Two weeks ago, White Coat Waste, an incredibly successful antivivisection group who stopped animal experimentation on dogs at the VA, initiated a petition to stop Anthony Fauci from doing more experiments on beagles. Vivisectors breed thousands of beagles every year because they are their favorite experimental subject. Beagles are sweet and loving and even while being brutalized by the psychopaths in white coats, those little dogs try to love their tormentors into stopping the horrors being inflicted on them. Of course, they fail and are eventually killed. Fauci has been overseeing experiments on not only beagles but millions of other animals during his long tenure at the NIH. He cares neither about the suffering of humans or animals. Like all vivisectors, his goal is money and the freedom to experiment on whomever he wishes, and that includes us.
The world has been going through such terrible turmoil these past two years I decided that instead of merely reporting news/facts/figures/warnings etc. in our newsletter that I wanted to write a positive, uplifting email to the supporters of my nonprofit. So I concentrated the narrative on the energy and positive actions being taken by various groups and individuals all over the country. I told them that even though we might not have financial advantage over our adversaries (to put it mildly!) victories are being scored every day by everyday people all over the country. My mom, (who seemed to get wiser and wiser the older I got) used to say the best thing to do when you’re feeling depressed and overwhelmed to is help someone else. And she also used to say that when you feel helpless, do something about it! The response to the email was gratifying. Some said they learned a lot and others just thanked me for sending it. Like running on my treadmill in the morning to get the endorphins going, sharing good news is good for our brains and bodies as well. The bad stuff needs to be reported but even more important, so does the good.
Someone told me I’m like a shark: I have to keep moving forward or I die. Every morning I feel like I must get to my computer and start accomplishing something – for the animals, the environment, health freedom and writing another book. The other evening, I had an especially unpleasant run in with someone I was working with on a project. It was supposed to be a meeting of like-minded people, but it turned into a nasty free for all. In the middle of the whole bruhaha I threw up my hands and let go of any positive expectations. The next day I felt terrible. I made a decision to never work with anyone who goes off on insulting pontifications for 30 minutes. I also decided the next day that I was suffering from PTSD because of the whole unpleasant experience and would do nothing all day but eat, read, look out at my balcony garden and behold, it worked! I got over my PTSD, enjoyed the entire day and let go of all bad feelings. I decided I must do this more often. Doing absolutely nothing can be a very good thing.
South Koreans have many wonderful actors and talented crew and I love watching their movies on Netflix. The people of South Korea are sensitive and kind, and yet, the vile dog meat trade flourishes there. The people want it stopped but the politicians do nothing. I just watched a video produced by Chris De Rose of dogs being tortured and slaughtered in South Korea that is so horrific it’s hard to believe humans are capable of such atrocities. And yet, humans are this cruel, both to animals and to each other. When you’ve witnessed such horrors in the dog meat trade, in vivisection labs and factory farms how do you go on? You must. Your emotional pain in seeing the suffering cannot compare to the suffering of the animals. We don’t have to be famous and have a huge “platform” to alleviate pain in this world, both animal and human. All we have to do is care – and figure out how to do something to help. https://rb.gy/vv8ogp
This morning I was the first person in my condo gym. Two minutes after starting to walk on the treadmill I saw a bird fly down from the rafters and into one of the many floor-to-ceiling windows in the large room. I immediately shut the door to the hallway and opened the outside door. The bird disappeared up in the rafters again and then flew once more into the windows. Finally, he rested on the floor for about 10 minutes exhausted. I was afraid he was injured. I asked God to help the bird find his way to the door and I encouraged the bird to fly outside. After a while he flew around the room for a few seconds then swooped down and out the door and disappeared in the trees. Yay! I was so happy! Sometimes I am like that little bird. I ask God for help for my various projects, don’t seem to get it, knock on doors that stay shut, get discouraged but keep trying, bouncing off closed doors. After what seems like an eternity, a door finally opens, prayers are answered, and I fly. As Hattie McDaniel said about her successful acting career, “I did my best and God did the rest.” Like that little bird, we can't give up.
Sometimes in the supermarket check out line I will succumb to curiosity and buy a gossip magazine. If a headline catches my eye and I absolutely have to read that story I’ll breakdown and throw it on the belt with my other items. Of course, the story is never in depth and doesn’t answer the questions I have about this particular person/incident but what does happen is that I look at the many other stories and pictures and a wave of envy washes over me. All the women are young, famous and beautiful. They are married to young, famous, handsome men. They are smiling and having a wonderful time. I think, why can’t that be me? Why can’t I look like that? Why aren’t I rich, living in a mansion with no worries? Then in a month or so I’ll read in the headlines that one or more of those same people were cheated on, had their hearts broken, were humiliated, and those lovely spouses were drug addicts and alcoholics. Someone once said, “Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.” A good reminder. Yes, I’d rather be me. So, my advice is, be happy you’re you. You’re wonderful and don’t need to be anybody else.
Last week the engine light on my 2004 Saturn went on. I love my mechanics. They are honest and have kept my car going for all these years. They, like thousands of other people I found on the internet whose engine lights have gone on and won’t go off, are mystified. Next week my mechanics will try again, no charge, to find out what’s wrong. If they can’t, it won’t pass the smog test and I’ll have to hand my Saturn over to the State of California for a reward of one thousand dollars. For some inexplicable reason, the thought of giving my car to the state to be torn to pieces for parts horrifies me. It runs perfectly and has taken me up to Seattle and back many times. It has never failed me. I have become attached to my Satty as if it were a beloved pet. Yes, it does sound strange but it’s true. I’d rather keep my Satty until he falls apart and is on his deathbed. Then I won’t feel so terrible when I take him to the junk yard where he will donate his organs to other deserving cars. But not yet. Just because you’re old doesn’t mean you’re ready for the scrap heap. And that goes for every one of us.
I have family members who have the means and desire to travel all over the world, and they do. They spend very little time in their beautiful mansion high in the hills that has a breathtaking view. If I lived there, I would never leave. But there are places I long to visit: Rome, Florence, Venice, Prague and Stockholm, and, once again, Paris and London. Of course, Norway is my destination of choice since my family and hometown are there. I am worried that I might never have a chance to enjoy spending time in those places again, or for the first time. Now, with the pharmaceutical industry having so much power to dictate our movements by forcing us to mask up and/or get jabbed I may never again be able to travel to other countries. It’s sad that we have allowed this to happen to us. We have to fight for our freedoms, or they will all be taken away.
I envy people who found their soulmates. I never found mine. My friends Coby and Hans were soulmates. They loved to travel all over the world. They were animal activists together and threw vegan potlucks every month. They had a huge circle of friends and enjoyed every minute of their lives together. My friend since Jr. High found her soulmate again after years of going different ways since high school. They had 16 years of travel, fulfilling their bucket list, perfecting their beautiful home, and roaring through the hills on their Harley. A few weeks ago, after a year long illness, he died. If you ask her if the heartache of taking care of him during the long illness was worth having him with her for 16 years she would say without question it was worth it. I consider myself an independent person and have lived alone for long stretches of time, but if I had a soulmate out there in the world who I never had a chance to meet and be with, I hope he misses me as much as I miss him.
In Learning How to Fly I share my life’s ups and downs, including stupid mistakes, betrayals and triumphs. I hope the book is inspirational to my readers. But one thing that I didn’t do in the book was to emphasize that we are never too old to follow our dreams and make life worth living in small ways as well as big. When I watched Phil Mickelson win the PGA Championship last week I was overjoyed. At age 50 he outplayed his much younger counterparts and came out on top. Age was irrelevant and Phil will play until he can’t swing a golf club anymore. His good friend and playing partner Tom Brady, is the oldest quarterback to win the Super Bowl at age 41. Football is a rough and tumble sport and Brady, a vegan, is not slowing down. So, there’s no excuse for any of us to give up and say we’re just too old to do what we dream of doing! As long as we’re breathing, go for it!
I’ve had animals ever since I can remember. My first pet was a goat named Snø Kvit – Snow White in English. I loved that little goat, but he disappeared after I let him in the house and he left pellets on my parents’ bedspread. Losing him was my first heartbreak. Through the years I’ve had many cats, some dogs, bunnies, birds and fish. I loved them all. And when they died or were taken from me it felt like losing a part of myself. But whatever sadness losing them brought into my life, the happiness, love and comfort they provided in the darkest of days was well worth it. I look at my kitties now and thank God I have them during these difficult times. They are my stress relievers and my very best friends.
I’ve had a few personal heroes in my life. What they all have in common is courage. Now that so many friends, family and co workers have abandoned their common sense and are living in total fear of pharma, retaining common sense and having the courage to follow through on your beliefs is even more important. As an antivivisectionist, I and my nonprofit have been exposing the lies and corruption of pharma for over 30 years. It is a lonely battle and even lonelier now that a lot of “animal rights” activists who should be fighting the vaccine/vivisectors have crumpled completely. So, we find ourselves working with people like Leigh Dundas and Peggy Hall - wonderful, brave ladies who are willing to speak the truth, are afraid of no one and walk the walk. They speak out against harmful mask wearing and never wear them. They speak out against vaccine mandates and organize rallies to prevent the powers that be from ramming them down our throats. In troubled times when our democracy is in danger my heroes are those who are willing to stand up for the truth no matter how many people don’t want to hear it.
When you read this memoir, you’ll see how the long and perilous journey of my life has landed me squarely in the sites of the pharmaceutical industry. As an antivivisectionist I, of course, am against vaccines which are a huge part of this industry -- animal matter is an ingredient in vaccines, and they are tested on animals. Now, during this fierce battle for our health freedoms it is dismaying to see that millions of people are now completely under the sway of Big Pharma, arguably the greediest, most deceptive, most corrupt industry in the world. Two days ago, in Orange County, I attended an incredible event. At least 1500 people showed up at the Supervisors’ offices to protest vaccine passports in OC. We represented every color on the political spectrum. We networked, laughed, spoke to the Supervisors and got them to back down on their intent to allow businesses in OC to discriminate against the unvaccinated. It was a joyful celebration of Democracy in action. This is still a free country. But we must fight to keep it that way.
Ever since I can remember people have asked me to sing. I’ve sung in choirs, a gospel group, in musicals, in trios, in mixed quartets and recorded demos and source songs for TV shows – all of those experiences were tremendously rewarding. I loved my classical voice lessons and my pop voice lessons and being in the opera workshop at UCLA. I never gave a thought to how yelling at animal protests would wreck my voice. All I cared about was getting our message of cruelty out to the public. But I paid the price. I lost my upper range and could no longer sing the classical songs I love. I can’t even sing the old standards that I used to play and sing for my cats almost every day. I should have appreciated my gift and taken better care of it. There are ways to conserve your voice when speaking loudly but my passion got the better of my common sense. I can still sing in my alto voice and along with my favorite Eagles songs but I’ve lost the rest. If only, if only -- but there’s no point in regret. I did it for the animals so it's okay.
The Bible says that the love of money (greed) is the root of all evil. Maybe it’s not the root of all the crimes and murders that take place but when it comes to corporate crimes they are most certainly all about money. Corporate billionaires also lust after power because when they have all the power they can get more money. Like now, when the pharmaceutical industry (my main target as an antivivisectionist) is making hundreds of billions of dollars from their vaccines, that is not enough. They have to subjugate millions of people and program them to do as they are told to have complete power and make more money. A Stanford study recently wrote about the dangers of mask wearing, physiologically and psychologically, but millions of people are under the thumb of pharma and refuse to throw off their masks and their chains. Thousands of people have died from the Covid vaccines but warnings go unheeded. My greedy long-time foes know how to control the masses and the masses are making it easy for them.
People have asked me this question more than once and after giving it some thought, I’d have to say none of them. I’ve met many famous people and have worked with well-known actors but I always feel like they’re just people who worked hard to get where they are and got lucky. The people I most admire are Paul Watson of the Sea Shepherd and Chris DeRose of Last Chance for Animals. But they are friends and meeting them would be normal, not an event. The one person who I would be honored to meet would have to be Jill Robinson. She may not be a celebrity but she is someone I greatly admire. Jill “singlehandedly alerted the world to the cruel practice of bear bile farming” after visiting a bear bile farm and was so moved by the plight of thousands of bears undergoing terrible suffering she founded Animals Asia and so far has rescued 600 bears and influenced the Viet Nam government to end bear bile farming next year. One person. 600 bears saved so far. I wish I could meet this remarkable lady.
A few days ago I was asked to submit a taped audition for a part on a TV show. Actors are now required to do it themselves – set up the camera and lights, find a reading partner, film, edit, upload, download and somehow get it to the casting director. Oh, how simple it was in the old days – go in and read, go home and you either get it or you don’t. But those days are gone forever. When we went in to read for live people they could tell us what they didn’t like and ask us to change. Now we have to go by our best guess of what they are looking for and hope we guessed correctly. It took about three hours of work to send in my audition tape and I had to have other people help me. If I were starting out now as an actor I don’t think I could do it. I would just have auditioned for theater and written books. But like any other normal actor, I’ll never turn down a chance to audition no matter how difficult the process may be!
When you listen to your heart and follow God’s plan for your life it’s not always an easy process. For me, being led to become an antivivisectionist was painful. Not only do I deal with terrible cruelty to animals on an almost daily basis, but I am also up against the petrochemical/pharmaceutical industry which now has become the most powerful industry in the world. They own the media. Their lies and propaganda fill the airwaves. My nonprofit gets our messages out via emails, Face Book, Twitter and Instagram. Now that censorship of anything not agreeable to pharma is pervasive we could lose three of those platforms. But more and more social media platforms are being created where we can share our knowledge. One of my favorite Bible verses is, “Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your father who is in heaven.” There are many wonderful people in this world whose good works guarantee evil will not last forever.
Last week a wonderful actress who I had the pleasure of working with died. Jessica Walter was an amazing lady. I first met her when I auditioned for a small role in Play Misty for Me at a restaurant on the Monterey Wharf where she and Clint Eastwood were doing a scene. Clint and the producer interrupted filming to take time for me to read and cast me immediately and went back to work. I had hoped to watch them film since this was my first time on set with big stars but I was hustled out and didn’t get to watch them work until later in the shoot. Jessica was awesome in the role of a deadly stalker and the film became a classic. A few years later I worked with Jessica on her series Amy Prentiss for which she won an Emmy. On the flight up to the location in San Francisco Jessica revealed herself to be an incredibly funny lady, nothing like her character in Misty. Fortunately, she got a chance to display her comedic chops in Arrested Development. Comedy was her true calling.
I have a picture in my room that I love to look at of Peter Falk, my mother and me. The picture reminds me of my mother’s last trip to LA. As a Pentecostal, my mother believed that acting was a terrible sin and was horrified that I became one. Then she saw me in the miniseries How The West Was Won and softened somewhat. When she came to LA to attend the Actors Group annual Oscar party at Hollywood Presbyterian Church and was able to talk to her beloved TV pastor Lloyd Ogilvie she softened even more. Meeting my friend Bob Barker on her favorite show The Price is Right and being treated like a VIP put her over the top. Finally, she met Peter Falk who I had just worked with on Columbo at Universal, and his sweet charm won her over. He was the cherry on top of the vegan cream. Actors were A-okay with her after that.
As an antivivisectionist, I have been dealing with the pharmaceutical industry for many years. They torture millions of animals in their laboratories annually and inundate us all with pollution and toxic drugs and chemicals. Pharma executives are not the good guys. They are in business to make as much money as possible regardless of the death and damage they cause. Now, however, through great marketing and ownership of the media they have convinced millions of people to believe every word they say. Big Pharma is now an international cult with members who defend the very people who are enslaving them and killing them, just like every other cult. I love this quote from Gregg Hurwitz from his book about cults – “The human willingness to surrender critical thought is staggering.” Cult members ignore facts. Anything that doesn’t agree with their programming is a “conspiracy theory.” Overcoming the massive brainwashing that has taken place this past year may be near to impossible.
I’m glad I’m an animal person. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with not loving animals but I think those people are missing out. I have had as pets dogs, cats, bunnies, birds and a goat. I don’t know what I’d do without my three wonderful formerly feral cats who I rescued from the cold and snow of Washington State and who now follow me around my home, sit on my chair when I'm typing on my laptop, greet me when I come home and give me unconditional love when I’m feeling down. Being an antivivisectionist is a challenging calling. I constantly have to stick my neck out regarding the lies and fraud of the pharmaceutical industry. I’ve been hassled by cops, threatened with physical violence by bullies, arrested and jailed to expose the lies of pharma. Looking at my three little guys reminds me of who I’m fighting for – the right of everyone, human and animal to live happy lives free of cruelty.
I just started reading a book by my acting teacher Eric Morris and his first sentence leaped out at me --- “Ignorance is the greatest human disease!” He went on to say how most people are devoid of curiosity and walk around in a fog unaware of their deep emotions and desires. It is this kind of sleepwalking through life that makes it easy for cult leaders to convince people to give them their money and be treated like slaves. As I describe in my memoir, I have been exposing Big Pharma’s greed, lies and contempt for human life for 30 years. They have the best con men in the world, marketing geniuses who have convinced the public that there are invisible germs floating around everywhere so do exactly what they say and you'll be "safe." Anyone can research the facts and find out the truth. But they don’t. If people are told a lie long enough and loud enough they believe it. When you sleepwalk through life, con men own you.
When my gym closed last year I wondered how I was going to get the exercise I needed. I found the answer right outside my door in the indoor stairwell of my condo building. Every day I go up and down four flights of stairs for half an hour twice a day or more. It’s a great workout and I can go as fast and as long as I want. It’s also a great time to meditate while moving, say my prayers and affirmations and, of course, get my endorphins up and running. To substitute for the machines at the gym, in the afternoon I do floor exercises and weightlifting. That’s not as effective as the machines but it will have to do until this debacle comes to an end. I was greatly disappointed when my gym closed. I was sure that I would gain lots of poundage and become horribly out of shape. But the stairwell is actually more convenient, and it forces me to take time to think, formulate my plans for the day, set goals and talk to God about everything in my life. In other words, what seemed like something negative turned into a blessing. Sometimes life turns out that way. It all depends on how you look at it.
Actors, dancers, singers and other artists end up having many jobs to support themselves until they “make it.” One of my jobs that I dearly loved was as caregiver to elderly people in their homes. No matter how disabled or uncomfortable they were they were also unfailingly cheerful and considerate of me, their caregiver. During this debacle we’re in now. (I share my thoughts on that in my blog brittlind.com) the elderly are bearing the brunt of pharma’s greed. It breaks my heart that at least 76 per cent of the people being killed and injured by Covid vaccines are the elderly in nursing homes. They are completely helpless and at the mercy of the medical industry and the people who work in those homes. They can’t say no and usually have no idea of what is being injected into them. If they die minutes, hours or days after getting vaccinated it is called a “coincidence.” The elderly person passes from this world to the next, barely making a ripple, quickly forgotten. This is happening to thousands of elderly people all around the world; a massive tragedy that never makes the headlines. Who will stand up for them against a multibillion-dollar industry? We all must.
I remember my friend and fellow Navy wife, Neva, saying to me in Pensacola when our husbands were choosing what plane to fly, “Don’t let him pick jets! If he picks jets you’ll have to live in Mississippi and as liberal you and Rob are, you’ll hate it!” I thought, this is a girl who grew up in Louisiana and if she doesn’t like Mississippi, it must be a terrible place. For me, coming from Seattle, attending an integrated high school and living in an ethnically diverse city neighborhood, yes, Meridian was a shock. In the late 60s the racism was virulent. I had to kick the welcome wagon lady out of my apartment because of her bigotry. Drinking fountains, stores, schools, and churches were segregated. The KKK tried to blow up a nearby synagogue. I welcomed our move to California where mixed couples could walk down the street without fear of reprisal. I never dreamed that all these years later that racism would rear its ugly head. All it needed was an invitation from the administration for the past four years to show itself. Anti-discrimination laws are important but so is each and everyone of us refusing to put up with the careless racism we may come across in our daily lives. None of it is okay to ignore.
As I describe in this memoir, all roads led me to become an animal activist. As such, most of my time and effort is dedicated to the abolition of animal experimentation. I also support other groups that do amazing work like Animals Asia which rescues Moon Bears from bile farms. In bile farms, the bears live in excruciating agony in tiny cages and routinely have their bile extracted from their gall bladder to be added to “medicine” that is falsely believed to cure various ailments. In 1993, animal activist Jill Robinson witnessed the atrocities of a bile farm firsthand, later negotiated with the Chinese government to release 500 bears, established a rescue center in China, founded Animals Asia in 1998, opened another rescue center in Vietnam, negotiated with the Vietnam government to end bile farming and is working with them to rescue the remaining 1,000 bears still in cages. She has rescued over 600 bears who are now living happy lives free from pain. One person, inspiring others to help her, has accomplished all this. We are all capable of doing something incredible. If we listen to our heart, we’ll know exactly what that is.
In Learning How to Fly I talk about my father being emotionally unavailable and sometimes cruel. He did not show any affection for my mother, my sister or me. My animals were always my family and my best friends. I had a pet goat in Norway who I loved. Somehow he got in the house and left pellets on my parents’ bedspread. He immediately disappeared. When I was eleven my cat Taffy was everything to me. My mother and I went back to Norway for a few months and while we were gone, my father took Taffy to the animal shelter after she had babies. When I came home found out what he had done I almost had a nervous breakdown. Four years later he decided my dog was annoying and took him to the animal shelter. When I came home from school my father told my boyfriend and I what he had done. My boyfriend jumped in his car to see if he could get my dog before he was killed. He was too late, and again, I fell apart. I’ve loved animals since I was a toddler. But I think these two terrible losses have something to do why I’ve dedicated my life to saving animals from cruelty. They are my true love.
As I’m writing this, people have invaded the Capitol buildings and shots are being fired. Who would have thought that this kind of thing could happen in our country, in our capital? People have often said to me in the past when I tell them they need to vote, “Oh, why bother? It doesn’t matter who gets elected.” But it does. There may be a lot of corruption in politics but it’s up to every one of us to find candidates who are honest no matter what party you may belong to. Only by being active in our government can it be what it was meant to be, a representation of its citizens. We also must keep close watch over the people we vote for and make sure they live up to their promises. If they don’t, they must be held accountable, but not by rioting, but by organized protests and voting them out of office. For myself, I never let frustrations boil over because I feel like there is nothing I can do. I take action – I call, I write letters, write on my blog and post on the PRISM FB page where thousands of people can be informed of the facts. Staying on the sidelines right now is not a good idea.
While driving in my car I will from time to time listen to one of the CDs we recorded while I was singing with the Marble Gospel Choir in NY. It brings back memories of some of the best times of my life – learning and rehearsing incredible songs, performing in Carnegie Hall, Lincoln Center, on Broadway, Madison Square Garden and other large venues. Our director, David Brown, was a musical genius and incredible mentor. Famous singers like Mark Anthony and Whitney Houston asked that we sing backup for them, but most of them we turned down. We had our own talented soloists. I always told my friends that after they came to one of our concerts they would not be walking out the door, they would be floating out of the theater, their feet not even touching the floor, and they told me they did! I loved how the audience became involved in our songs, clapping and yelling Amen! Yeah! Hallelujah! I thank God I was able to experience performing with my friends in the gospel group while in NY. And the great thing about it is, I am able to relive the great moments as I sing along with the CD and feel the same joy I felt then. Thank you, God.
In my memoir Learning How to Fly I talk about how everything I loved and dreamed of doing was considered a sin by my parents. Acting, singing popular songs, having a TV or watching TV at the neighbors’ house, going to movies and dancing all were considered sin. After finally arriving in Hollywood and striving to accomplish my goals my mother’s constant discouraging words were like a weight on my back. My father completely ignored me. To him I didn’t exist. For two years I had to cut my mother out of my life or her negativity would have killed me. Years later, while taking care of my mother in the years before she died she came to understand that acting was not a sin and I came to understand that everything she said and did was out of love, out of her own fears and worries that she had lived with her whole life. We came to appreciate each other for the people we were. Recently, when I complained to a friend about another friend who I didn’t feel was holding up her end of the deal while working on a project, she said to me, “Remember, we all do the best we can do considering who we are.” I understood and have heeded that advice ever since.
I just found out that my favorite director and first major crush Clint Eastwood is beginning work on a new movie. He’s not only directing a new action movie, he’s starring in it! Wow! For Clint, age is not an issue. His passion for making movies has never dimmed. I love that about him. I want to be like that. Of course, he has been incredibly successful so has the means to do as he pleases. He can make any movie he wants and is the total boss. But he is also rich enough that he would never have to work again. Instead, he chooses to live life to the fullest, not slowing down for a second. He inspires me to do the same within my own limited means. Slowing down or giving up is not an option. Follow your passion and find your joy.
December may be my favorite month. I love the Christmas decorations of red and green, stores filled with possible gifts to buy for family and friends and even in Los Angeles, the air at night is appropriately chilly. When I lived in NY and sang with a gospel choir, our Christmas concerts were fabulous and awe inspiring. Living alone, I still decorated my apartment and loved how warm and cozy I felt when it snowed. As soon as I saw the flakes start coming down, I dressed up in my warmest clothes and ran outside to walk in the snow. Yes, it does turn to slush in the city, but that doesn’t make me love it any less. People talk about how they feel depressed during the holidays if their lives are not ideal. The solution to that is to remember Christmas is not about you or me and what makes us happy, it’s about the birth of Jesus who taught us how to treat one another with love and compassion. As an animal lover, I also love to remember that Jesus was born in a manager surrounded by animals. The first faces he saw were of his mother and father and the gentle animals who watched over him.
I start out every morning standing on the deck of my condo looking out over the hillside in my backyard. The birds are singing, the squirrels are busy running up and down trees and the rabbits are scampering in and out of the low brush to keep safe from the hawks that might be flying overhead. Considering all the wrong detours and terrible blunders I made in my life (all recorded in Learning How to Fly) I feel lucky to be living where I am – far enough away from the city to enjoy nature but close enough to everything I need to do. As president of a nonprofit life can be busy and stressful. And all of us must deal with personal and emotional problems. But my faith in God and knowing I am following my calling gives me strength to move forward. It is important to stay in touch with nature where we can find sustenance in just breathing fresh air and looking at the beauty of our surroundings. There we recognize we are a small part of this awesome planet and we have the ability do our part to protect it, a lot or a little, it doesn’t matter. The important thing is to do something and I guarantee, it will give you joy.
In Learning How to Fly I talk about how my acting career is my passion and my calling is helping abolish animal experimentation. All my life I’ve loved animals, but vivisection was something I avoided. It was too horrible to have to deal with. But God kept pushing me in that direction and it was a relief when I finally gave in and did what I was supposed to do. Most people are aware of things they care about above and beyond their careers be it feeling concern for orphaned children, immigrants who speak only Spanish and are the mercy of a system that cares nothing for them, lakes and rivers near you that are being polluted by chemical companies, children on Indian reservations who live in poverty with no hope, elephants, tigers and other wild animals in Africa who are being slaughtered and soon will be extinct. If you listen to your heart, meditate and take one small step toward something that speaks to you, move forward with good intent, you will know when you find your place and it make your life feel worthwhile.
I’ve always appreciated my friends even though many of them live in far away places like New York, Washington, New Mexico, Arizona and Norway. In our present circumstances it is doubtful that I’ll see them in person any time soon. And that makes me sad. There is nothing like meeting with friends to kick up your energy a notch, joke, laugh and share good times and bad. We can’t do that as much as we used to. So even though social media is much maligned by some I am grateful it exists and no matter what, we can stay in touch and let one another know we care.
As I write this, the election result is still up in the air. For me, an antivivisectionist, who has been fighting the petrochemical/pharmaceutical industry for over 30 years, neither choice of candidates is a win. One candidate is busy destroying the environment with drilling in pristine areas, bent on destroying our civil rights and a woman’s right to choose. The other candidate is a slave to Big Pharma, has promised to make dangerous vaccinations and mask wearing mandatory, and intends to embed a “pandemic” office in the White House from which Fauci, pharma and a handful of billionaires can track, control and manipulate every citizen in this country until our Democracy lies in shreds. I wish we had had a viable third choice – one who would not be a slave to pharma or any corporation, one who would end the insanity that pharma has imposed on us with their lies and greed and one who would always put the welfare of citizens above campaign donations and lust for power. But we had no third choice and now we must all wait and see what happens next.
Not being able to meet with friends wherever and whenever we want is frustrating. And for my nonprofit that thrives on tabling at veg fests, animal rights conventions and natural health conferences, not being able to get our message out and talking to people person to person is even more frustrating. Until now, I never realized how energizing and inspiring it is to meet with likeminded people or talk to strangers who are eager to learn the facts about the fraud of animal experimentation. Besides meeting hundreds of people at these gatherings, we love being able to sample vegan food and drinks from many restaurant vendors and get to introduce friends and family to plant based food. Yes! Vegan veggie burgers are delicious! My friends and I thrive on an active social life and educating interested people with our message. But until we can put an end to this debilitating debacle I encourage anyone interested in knowing what my calling in life is all about please visit peopleforreason.org and like our FB page at facebook.com/gotoprism And, of course, read Learning How to Fly.
I’ve loved football since high school. Being a cheerleader and getting drenched with Seattle rain week after week at the games was heaven. We had a losing team, but I was always optimistic that this was the year we’d be great. It never happened. My one and only team now is the Seahawks and every week they make us 12s almost have mass heart attacks. If they continue this pattern of winning in the last few seconds we’ll all end up in the ER. One of the reasons our record is 5-0 is Russell Wilson the quarterback. Not only is he incredibly talented, but he also never stops believing the team can win. Even if we are behind by two touchdowns in the last sixty seconds, he will drive the team down the field to victory. Players on the sideline say his optimism and faith infuse everyone with the same kind of belief in themselves. Every week despite almost giving me a heart attack he inspires me as well. His philosophy is that you never give up, no matter what the odds are against you. Even if it defies common sense and everyone writes you off, you keep believing and keep going forward. I have taken that to heart and made his philosophy my own.
Today, on my FB page, I mentioned something about Chris DeRose, President of Last Chance for Animals. Chris is one of my top two heroes, who, as I describe in my memoir, steered my life in the direction of becoming an antivivisectionist. Because of Chris I ended up doing the last thing I ever wanted to do, dealing with the unspeakable horrors of animal experimentation. But soon after meeting Chris, it became obvious that AV was my calling from God. There was no getting around it and giving in was the only way I would find peace. So I have spent the last 30 years working to abolish this fraudulent, cruel industry. Chris and I had lunch not too long ago and I asked him, “How do you deal about all of the things you see on a daily basis that are so horrific? Sometimes I feel like I just want to break down and cry.” Chris looked at me and said, “Well, that makes it all about you doesn’t it?” And I thought, oops, he’s right. Yes, I want to be the kind, compassionate person that I have to be to do what I do. But it’s not about me and my feelings. It’s about the animals and ending their suffering. It helps to always remember that.
After Katharine Hepburn tanked my dream of playing Gigi on stage, I was called in to audition for Gypsy, starring Debbie Reynolds, at the Music Center in L.A. I was told to sing Little Lamb which is a beautiful, haunting song that I love. The audition went well and they called me back to perform Let Me Entertain You which also went well. Then I waited. My agent called and told me they liked me but Debbie wanted her daughter Carrie to play the part. The producers told her they didn’t want to cast Carrie who didn’t want to play the part anyway. Debbie said if Carrie doesn’t play Gypsy she would drop out, which she did. There went my second chance at fame and fortune in musical theater. Again, I was devastated. This kind of heartache is not unusual for actors. We put our hearts and souls into our preparation and then our spirits can be crushed in an instant. Why do it then? Because when that great audition does result in a booking on set or on stage the disappointments are forgotten, the work is glorious and every heartbreak is worth it.
So there I was on stage at the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion. I sang my heart out for the legendary Alan Jay Lerner, the only man in the audience. He looked happy and thanked me. I thought, “This is it! My big break in musical theater. I’ll be starring in Gigi with Kathryn Hepburn. I waited for my agent to call. She did. She said Alan wanted me but Hepburn wanted her protégé to play Gigi, someone completely wrong for the part. I crossed my fingers that Alan would win. After all, it was his musical! Shouldn’t he be the boss?! But no. Hepburn won that battle and I was out. I was devastated and swore I would give up singing and trying to get into musicals. I had given it my all and it didn’t matter. Boo hoo. I felt sorry for myself. Shortly thereafter, another opportunity came in. I was asked to audition for Gypsy, starring Debbie Reynolds. (to be cont.)
Sometimes I’m asked about the most heartbreaking auditions I ever had. Actors, for the most part, are forced to endure rejection. It is a normal part of being an actor. I will tell you of some of my most heartbreaking auditions but will have to do it in serial form because this space doesn’t allow for long stories. At the recommendation of my voice teachers, I was called in to the Music Center in L.A. to audition for a new musical, Gigi, that was based on the movie. It was to feature new songs by Alan Jay Lerner, a famous composer of My Fair Lady and other award winning musicals. I was incredibly nervous and excited as I walked into a huge rehearsal hall and faced a group of people sitting at a table at the far end of the room. I gave my sheet music to the accompanist and I sang, I Could Have Danced All Night. After I finished, the auditioners looked at each other and told me to follow the accompanist. We wandered through a maze of hallways and I ended up on stage in the Dorothy Chandler Pavilion where I faced one man seated in the middle of the theater – Alan Jay Lerner. (to be continued)
Most of us have our career dreams - goals that are near and dear to our hearts that we work hard to achieve. But we also have a calling, something we feel led to do for people, for animals or for the environment. Some of those callings can involve very difficult work dealing with cruelty, hopelessness, greed and destruction. For me, as an antivivisectionist, I have to deal with cruelty constantly. But no one can function as a normal human being without taking time to have fun, laugh and enjoy life. Otherwise, we might get too depressed to be useful. For me, every fall and winter I have my Seattle Seahawks. I have loved football all my life and the Hawks are my team. Watching them play I can forget everything except cheering them on to victory. I look forward to every game. It’s not only enjoyable, it’s cathartic. I can scream at the TV instead of the people I’d really like to scream at. Football is my joy and release.
When I think of what inspires me it’s very clear – my love for animals. There are countless stories in the media that describe the cruelties that animals face every day. Many animals are being hunted and driven to extinction by greedy, uncaring people. And their stories are our stories. All life on this planet is intertwined. From plants, trees and insects to whales and elephants we need each other to survive. None of us can fight these huge battles against greed and destruction on our own. We need to come together in groups and support each other in our endeavors to save the world. But what especially inspires me to never give up or give in are my own animals who love me and watch over me every day without fail. For them, I continue to fight.
If you read my book you’ll discover that abolishing animal experimentation is my calling. Because of that these times are difficult for me. Animal experimenters in the government and drug companies are testing on and killing animals in their laboratories at an unprecedented rate. After 30 years of educating the public about the fraud of animal experimentation it seems as if we have gone back in time just when we thought we were making huge progress toward ending the terrible suffering. I will never give up working to free the animals from their cages. My faith sustains me, and nature gives me serenity. I am lucky to live next to the botanical gardens in my town. The hillsides are filled with trails to walk and breathtaking views. I have doves nesting on my deck and blue jays demanding to be fed. I can see the squirrels and rabbits scampering through the bushes and hear the crickets at night. If we open up to nature and let common sense be our guide, we’ll get back on the right track.
Eleanor Roosevelt said that you gain strength from doing things you fear the most. That was certainly true for me. When I first became an animal activist I would only yell slogans along with the crowd. Our leaders were unafraid to speak with or without megaphones and I admired them for their self-confidence. I didn’t think I could ever be like that. This changed when I attended Ringling protests in Everett, WA where the police were so aggressive in trying to deny us the right to protest it made me angry. When attendees to the circus lined up to buy tickets next to where we were standing, I loudly described the torturous life animals in circuses had to endure. When the police tried to intimidate me and threatened to arrest me, I went to the mayor’s office and reported what the police were doing. The next day, the police acted as if we weren’t there. Thank you, mayor. We closed down Ringling in Everett two years before Ringling went out of business altogether. Now, I look forward to every protest where I can face down thousands of people with my megaphone and share the facts with confidence and not a trace of fear.
It’s been years since I worked with Clint in Play Misty for Me, but I still have a fierce crush on him. He is the reason I was able to get my SAG card and was able to get an agent when I moved to L.A. I was doing dinner theater in Carmel when someone from his company saw me and I was called in to audition for Clint and Bob Daley the producer. He was filming on Monterey Wharf, doing a scene with the incredible Jessica Walter. He took a few minutes away from filming to read opposite me and cast me then and there. I had no experience making a movie and he was incredibly patient and kind to a total neophyte. Years later I had the privilege of meeting his daughter Alison. She is also a talented actor and director but, like me, her heart is really in helping animals. She has one sanctuary near Calabasas and is founding another one. I talked to Clint not too long ago at one of Alison’s fundraisers and he remembered me. And is still just as nice as ever.
As I wrote in my book, there is no doubt that my calling in life is to help animals, specifically to work to abolish animal experimentation. It is not a pleasant topic to focus on but is a thousand times worse for the animals who are suffering. My dream is to end vivisection in my lifetime and I will keep striving toward that goal for as long as I live. When your calling is something as terribly difficult as mine is but you know in your heart it’s what you must do, you still need to make every effort to life fully. You must also keep working to fulfill your passion. Mine is acting and making movies and I will never give up on those. Having a well-rounded life keeps up your energy and enthusiasm even as you struggle against seemingly impossible odds. Friends, nature hikes, celebrations, family, singing, dancing, and much more make life worthwhile. Through it all, keeping your sense of humor and remembering how to laugh is the most important thing of all.
Learning How to Fly describes my journey from actress to animal activist. As an antivivisectionist, it is very frustrating for me to observe that the very people that we, at my nonprofit, People for Reason in Science and Medicine, have been fighting for over 30 years are now in charge of the entire country. For several years, AV activists have felt like we were making inroads, exposing pharmaceutical companies as dangerous frauds who use unscientific, useless tests on animals to excuse releasing their various poisons on an unsuspecting public. Now, our voices have been silenced. Censorship is rife, dissent is crushed, our doctor and scientist friends who speak the truth have their careers destroyed and the antivivisection movement has been effectively grounded. The petrochemical/pharmaceutical industry is the most powerful industry in the world. The drug company executives who now run the NIH, the CDC and the EPA have turned this country into their own dictatorship. Their lies have become truth and truth is now “misinformation.” We predicted 30 years ago that giant corporate entities intended to create a world order run by a handful of billionaires. What we didn’t foresee was that millions of Americans would willingly submit to Big Pharma propaganda and give up their civil liberties without a whimper.
There are performers whose lives seem magical. Fortune smiles on them from the moment they start their journey to become successful. Everything falls into place; they meet the right people and are offered the right opportunities to make their talents shine. Sometimes the tabloids scream out headlines about notorious celebrities, their drug habits, their divorces, their trips to drug and alcohol rehabilitation centers. And we somehow feel better knowing that even rich and famous people suffer like we do. But there are other famous people who seem to be blessed, who never suffer and live perfect lives. There really is no such thing, or if there is, it is extremely rare. Sometimes those seemingly perfect people write brutally honest autobiographies and you find out that a beloved female star was repeatedly raped by her stepfather while growing up, that a brilliant comedienne had alcoholic parents who handed her off to relatives, a well known leading man has been hiding his sexual identity for the sake of his career and suffering greatly because of it. Terrible things happen to all of us, famous or not. The important thing is, how do they and how do we deal with it?
My cousin Berit sent me pictures from my hometown Sauda, Norway yesterday and the beauty of the mountains and the fjord was awesome. Most of my family stayed and thrived in Norway while my father forced my mother, sister and I to move to Seattle even though he was the only one who wanted to move. I have such a deep connection to Norway. I often wonder what would have happened to me if we had stayed. I was already being asked to sing in church and no doubt would have become an actress in Norway as well. I would have gone to university in Oslo, joined the National Theater and done Ibsen plays in Norwegian. Heaven! While visiting Norway last summer I thought how much I would have loved living in Oslo and always being surrounded by my wonderful extended family. But we can’t go back and relive the past. What could have been will have to live in my dreams.
For most people exposing your flaws and mistakes is not easy. In good acting classes, it’s what you do – open up, be willing to look like an idiot and be vulnerable. In writing a memoir all those things are applicable as well. In exposing my life as an actor and animal activist I hoped to inspire others who were having trouble reaching their artistic goals. The life of an artist is difficult. We need to be recognized, have a “name” in order to be hired and earn a living. For my friends and I who love animals, our acting careers took a backseat to activism. We found our calling as well as our passion. Some had thriving careers, others, like me had huge highs and low lows, but we all found fulfillment in doing what we are put on earth to do. When I won the Beverly Hills Book Award it was a thrill but to me it meant that exposing all of my flaws just might give others the courage to find their own calling. If I, with all my wrong turns, can find my way, anyone can.
Sometimes when we’re stuck in a rut or feel like we’re going nowhere, know that it is possible to turn your life around. My friend Rod was a talented actor and singer. We performed in dinner theater plays together in Carmel and he was an incredible actor to work with. After I moved to L.A. he became addicted to drugs and alcohol. Pictures of him at that time show him to be so emaciated, he was near death. At his lowest point, he joined AA and everything changed. He became a joyful person, generous beyond belief and full of fun and laughter. He joined the staff of a drug rehabilitation center in Monterey and helped countless people find their way back to a happy life. When he died expectantly of a heart attack it was standing room only at his memorial service with a host of people singing his praises and recounting how he changed their lives. He was in his early sixties when he died but he managed to change not only himself when he felt nothing but despair, he influenced hundreds of lives for the better.
I wrote last time about how important it is to put compassion into action. Regan Russell, a long-time, dedicated animal activist in Canada, did just that. Along with her other activism, she attended protests at a slaughterhouse and gave water and comfort to pigs jammed into trucks when the trucks stop temporarily outside the gates. She moved past her own heartache and courageously helped the pigs face their terror as they knew instinctively they were about to face their death. Last Friday she was hit and killed by one the trucks driving into the slaughterhouse. Last night I attended, along with 250 other people, a protest outside Farmer Johns and did what she did -- comforted the pigs and gave them water. I so admire the people who go there once a week to bear witness for the animals and, through their tears, show compassion. They educate as many people as they can reach to tell them that factory farming is cruel and eating plant-based food is kind. Most of us are not asked to give up our lives for something we believe in. When you put compassion into action you don’t run out of it, you end up with more to give to everyone and that makes our lives better.
Having compassion and empathy for other people and animals are wonderful qualities to have. Your heart aches if you see a helpless baby who has been abused by a parent or a child being spanked in a supermarket for doing nothing more than crying. And seeing pictures of animals and people in third world countries starving and being killed in pointless wars can ruin your day because of the hurt you feel. But feeling badly about what you’ve seen is not enough. When you’re a sensitive person who has compassion for others you must act. If you do not you will never be happy. Being highly empathetic is a gift. But you have to use it to make changes in every way available to you. There is immense satisfaction in doing that. Ignoring your gift, suppressing it will only cause frustration and more sadness. Facing the ugliness you’d rather avoid gives you a strength you never thought you had. A kind, gentle, sensitive person can be an immense force for change if he or she will take action on feelings that the heart inspires.
I always used to envy successful people who talked about how supportive one or more of their parents were to them and their aspirations. Just think, I would ask myself, where I could be if my parents hadn’t stood in the way of everything I wanted to do? They did everything they could to discourage and thwart my every desire, trying to convince me it was all sin and I would burn in hell if I continued on working toward my dreams. But I had to throw it all off in order to move forward. I think of Carol Burnett who had a horribly dysfunctional childhood, but she didn’t let that stop her. Her belief in herself and her talent made her incredibly successful. The same is true of so many other successful people. They rise up out of poverty, alcoholic parents and abuse by focusing on the future, not blaming anyone or anything in their past if things don’t always go their way. Sure, it’s great if you are surrounded by supportive people from childhood on up but unfortunately, for many of us, that’s just not how it was. We can’t use that as a crutch when we get older to blame our circumstances on others. We, and we alone, decide our fate.
Something that has always been a part of me since I was a child, besides my love for animals, is singing. I feel like I was born with a song in my heart. I remember singing in church when I was little and as a teenager. My parents made me start taking piano lessons at the age of 9 and doing scales was pure torture. I did learn how to play well enough to read music and play while I sang but my piano teacher told my parents I was never going to be a pianist. She suggested to them they give me voice lessons instead. But they wouldn’t do that, and I continued on dreading sitting for an hour going over the exercises. But in school I was able to become a part of a trio and an incredible high school choir. I was in heaven rehearsing and performing with them. Finally, later in life I was able to sing with a gospel group in New York and a dream I never even dared to dream came true, singing in Carnegie Hall, twice! You never know what may happen to your deepest desires. Never give up. Never stop dreaming.
Being a creative person can be both a blessing and a curse. Whether you are an actor, singer, dancer, writer or painter, ultimately you need an audience. You crave recognition for your work. Sometimes failure to find that recognition can lead to depression and addiction. Unless you’re Julia Roberts or other select few, you’re going to have your ups and downs and have to live through them the best you can. I wrote this book with people in the arts in mind but actually what I share in these pages goes for anyone with a dream who is struggling. I believe that in order to survive and thrive in this life what we need is a strong spiritual grounding, a belief in a power higher than yourself. But there is also something else. Besides our passion for our craft we all have in our hearts a calling – something we were born to share that is beyond our own personal needs. Be it helping the homeless, saving the environment, being a Big Brother or Sister for a child, or like me, helping animals. This gives us a reason to be alive. I hope my own ups and downs serve as an example of how to find your own special path.
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