Learning How to Fly

Debbie and I Prepare to Change the World

As I was slowly morphing into a full-fledged anti-vivisectionist, Kevin Krasny and I were becoming close friends. He was caring, hardworking and considerate, everything a woman could want in a man. I wished he weren’t so much younger than I and that he and I could have a future together. One time we went to a Rams game with his father and stepmother and it felt very strange. For years, Alan and I had gone to Rams games with Paul, and, now, here I was with Paul’s son, Kevin, who I had met when he was a teenager. I tried to explain to Paul, “This isn’t what it seems...I know it must feel strange me being with...” I hemmed and hawed. Paul just laughed and said, “Go for it! Doesn’t bother me a bit!” Yes, it would have been nice to actually be with someone who wasn’t cruel, didn’t have psychological issues, didn’t do drugs or drink and treated me well, but we both knew he had a lot of living to do before he settled down with anyone and he was just too young for me. He had found a house to rent up in the Hollywood Hills overlooking the whole world and allowed Erika and I to keep living in his house. The only person I had met in my age range as nice as Kevin was Tony Eldridge, and he was always married when I wasn’t and vice versa. Tony finally met someone who became his best friend, fell in love and married her. A part of me wanted to meet and marry my soul mate as Tony had done, but another part of me just wanted to become successful on my own and depend on no one but myself.

It took weeks for Debbie and me to recover from what we had seen in the documentary. Seeing it had been that traumatic. But we both began reading Hans Ruesch’s Slaughter of the Innocent which tells the history of  vivisection from its inception and explains why it has no relation to human beings; the book has even more horrific descriptions of vivisection than the documentary. We read the book a few pages at a time and persevered until we made it through. Then Debbie insisted we go to the UCLA medical library and read the protocols of animal experiments; I reluctantly agreed. We were not surprised when we read that after every experiment the vivisectors would write, “Of course these are only experiments on cats (or dogs, mice, rats, goats, etc.), so we have no idea of what the result will be in human beings.” Every single protocol we read had that same disclaimer. Why do them is the logical question? By then Debbie and I knew the answer to that; money.

Alena came back from wherever she had been, which turned out to be Virginia, the Philippines, Arizona, and Del Mar. She didn’t say much about what had happened but I vaguely remember being told she had married a Navy Seal and now it was over. Her agent, Kevin Casselman, was still enthralled with her and vowed again to make her a big star. He just needed Alena to stay in town long enough to make that happen. But she was a free spirit who couldn’t stay in one place for very long.

Paul Krasny was directing a television show that was to shoot in San Francisco, and I was called in to audition. Being as Paul was one of my dearest friends, I was cast and flew up to San Francisco for the shoot. My big scene was opposite veteran character actor, Jack Warden. I thought I was underplaying the part of a grieving widow perfectly when Jack complained to Paul in front of the whole cast and crew, “I’m not getting anything from her!” I was so horrified and hurt by his criticism I immediately threw out the last vestiges of Charles Conrad and upped my grieving several notches.