My House of Lies: Awakening from a Childhood of Sexual Abuse

Like so many survivors, I lived in terror, shame, confusion, and dissociation as well as chronic lack of sleep. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture. It is used as a tactic to break prisoners down. Being a child of sexual abuse, I was held hostage and imprisoned by my father’s sick cravings. All I wanted to do was sleep. My needs did not matter. He was a sex addict. I knew when he had that “sex look” in his eyes that nothing I said or did would matter. So, I learned to get away, to survive, by dissociating from my body. My mind took me to a different place when every assault occurred, and I stayed silent. SHUSH.