I had to understand my dissociation. I slowly began to appreciate how skillful I was at hiding from my father’s abuse and the effects it had on me. My ability to lie to myself was perfected. Repeatedly, I asked myself:
How did I switch from being in the moment to “going away” from the moment?
What were my triggers?
How could I lie to myself?
How did I learn to deny what was happening as it was happening?
How did I learn to leave my body and go to a safe place far away?
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