Chapter 22

The Secret: New Plans

Their frank discussion about their feelings for each other hadn’t made April happy, but she thought since he wasn’t kicking her out of the house she might, with patience, wear him down. The kissing would be helpful although she wasn’t sure she wouldn’t explode with frustration before he succumbed to her charms.

“April I want to clear up a few items about our relationship before I talk about your problem. About kissing. You occasionally need comforting at night, and I am not agreeable to kissing when we are in bed together. It would not allow me to be the man I want to be. I am old but I am still a man.”

“Frank we only slept together one night, last night.”

“Oh! Frank, I am sorry. I didn’t know. That must have been very hard for you.”

Frank chuckled and said lasciviously with a wink, “April, you have no idea how hard it was.”

They both burst out laughing. It was the first off-colour thing that Frank had ever said to her. Under the circumstances, she couldn’t stop laughing. A few minutes later when she had regained control she couldn’t resist saying,

“Well, that would have been a shock if you had made a pass at me while I thought I was being held by my dad.”

The comment wasn’t funny, but they were both giddy and descended into dual laughing fits that took a long time to control.

She walked over to him, wrapped her arms around him and tipped her head up. His knees wobbled, and he leaned down, and they both enjoyed another “nonsexual” kiss that said so much more.

“OK, I will agree to no bedroom kissing but anytime we are not in a bedroom you are fair game.”

Frank smiled.

They sat down on the couch and this time they shared the same end of the couch.

“I have a two-part plan. The first part you will want to argue about and second part we are both going to argue about.”

“Well, that doesn’t sound like fun,” she said.

He ignored her comment and pressed on.

“The break-in at your home may have been nothing more than coincidental. The burglar just picked your house that night. He stole nothing because the police were there too quickly. Is that not a possibility?”

“I hadn’t thought about it. The CSIS lady warned me and I ran.”

“I would like you to contact her and get an appointment if you can. I want to be there and hear what she has to say. I will try to pump her for more info than she probably wants to give but while she is probably excellent and experienced at controlling conversations, I didn’t become wealthy by being at a loss for the same thing.”

“OK, I can call and see what I can come up with.”

“I want us to go to your old home and stay there while this all occurs. I don’t want the CSIS lady knowing where you and I live, nor my name. Which reminds me when you bought the house here on the lake did you buy it in Nancy’s name.”

“I didn’t think about it. I told the lawyer to buy me a house. He had me sign a bunch of papers which he tried to explain but I wasn’t listening.”

“But your lawyer doesn’t know about Nancy does he.”

“No, and that means my house here has my name on it.”

“Exactly!”, Frank said. “If someone was trying to track you down, it wouldn’t be that hard for them to find you as a property owner. If you ever have to run again, April, you need to rent and pay cash and not sign any leases.”

“Oh, what an idiot I am.”

“Hardly, but you have no experience at running away, and I am not a lot of help there either.”

“So what I am saying is that you thought you were hiding, but you weren’t well hidden. There still may be a problem. That is why I want to meet with the CSIS lady and assess the risk. If we take a careful look at the risk and perhaps find it is lower than we thought then I think you should resume your old life and come out of hiding.”

There was a pause then Frank said, “Well, I didn’t get as much argument out of you as I expected.”

“That is because everything you said was reasonable and made sense.”

“I hope you feel the same way about part two. If your life can go back to normal, I want you to realize that you need to take your age and what’s left of your baby producing years seriously. It is important to you and I want you to be looking for a man closer to your age.”

“Frank, I don’t want that. I want you and I know that you love me.”

“April, you told me you had lots of experience with men. Have you ever been in love with two men at the same time?”

There was a long pause before she said, “Yes.”

“And that means it is possible for that to occur again. You could continue to be in love with me and still fall for another man. We aren’t having a sexual relationship so there would not even be a need for feeling guilty.”

“That part about not having a sexual relationship is not my fault,” she said.

“There is no fault here April. We are just two people with different views who like each other and are trying our best to do what is best for each other. We don’t agree on what is best.”

“OK.”

“Assume you find a nice guy your age and fall in love and suddenly you have to decide. You would look at both men and say one of them has to get hurt, so which man is the best for me. Everything being equal you would have to pick the younger man with the potential for a longer life together than you would likely get out of the older guy.”

“But what about you, Frank? You would be alone.”

“Yes, and it would be hard because I like you, but I would go to my grave happy because I would know I had done a selfless thing for someone I care deeply about.”

“I am going to cry.”

She snuggled up to Frank and cried and then snuffled and finally drew a deep breath and said, “That is the most beautiful thing any man has ever said to me. Damn your ethics.”

“Frank, there is something that has changed in me. I am not the same woman who moved in next door to you.”

“I know. You aren’t Nancy, you’re April.”

“Be serious, please. I am different. I have changed a lot. I have matured in what I want in a man. In the past, it always concerned me that he be on the same socioeconomic level and age as me. I would not have considered dating an older man. The men I was in contact with were doctors. I was looking for a lasting relationship. What I didn’t understand was that most young male doctors want a variety of conquests, not relationships. And now I have found the man who has shown me that men can be very different and honourable and kiss great.”

“I hope we can establish there is no risk to your life. If that is the case, then I would want you to become known in the community. I would want you to date men your age. I am not talking a couple of dates. I am not talking for a few months. I am talking about you taking a serious look at my competition. April that is the only way we would both know that your affection for me is not a product of the situation we find ourselves in.”

“If I find a man, I will sleep with him and then tell you about it. Did you think of that?”

“I hope you will sleep with him and I hope you won’t tell me about it. That would be painful.”

“I am angry. I love you and would never do that to you.”

“Thank goodness for that.”

“Frank, you know that it is possible to love someone and still be angry with them, and I am angry with you, and I am going to bed. My own bed.”

“But we didn’t have dinner.”

“I am too angry to eat.”

And she was gone. He heard the door slam but then a little later it opened quietly.

Frank hoped she would not stay angry for long. He had dinner and retired for the night. Later he heard her talking and thrashing about. He wondered if she was just pretending to be dreaming to get him into her bed. When he walked in, he could see in the moonlight that the covers were on the floor, she was naked and covered in sweat. He realized that she wasn’t faking anything. He gathered covers and put them within reach and then eased into the bed with her.

 She jumped when he touched her, then she said, “I love you,” and was still. 

It frightened him but then her breathing resumed, and she rested quietly. He waited until her skin felt cool before he eased the sheets and blankets over both of them. He wondered if her comment had been about him or about her father or possibly about the husband she had agreed to look for. Frank didn’t sleep much at all he was so worried about her. This episode had been much worse than the other nights.

When morning came, she was facing him when her eyes popped open.

“Hello lover, was it good for you,” she said and laughed.

“April, did your father come last night?”

“No, you came and saved me. I was back in the war zone and you came for me, Frank.”

“I think you are having PTSD that is getting worse. Can we talk about it?”

“OK, Doctor what is your treatment plan,” she said.

“Doctor Frank wants to find a specialist and get you a referral to him or her.”

“It is just a few bad dreams. It’s not that bad.”

“Sweetheart it is bad. Why don’t you get up and go to the bathroom?”

“I don’t need to go.”

“If you got up, you would discover that something is missing. You’re naked.”

She suddenly ran her hands down her body and looked at Frank.

“Did you take my nightgown off?”

“No, when I heard the ruckus in here I came in and found you naked, drenched in sweat and fighting a war.”

“You saw me naked?”

“It was only in the moonlight but not to worry, you are as beautiful naked as you are dressed. I slipped in beside you. You spoke, but I wasn’t sure if you knew who you were talking to. You calmed down then and I waited for you to stop sweating, then I covered us up. I have been awake watching to be sure you are OK.”

“Where’s my nightgown?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t see it.”

“Turn over. I am going to get up and go for a shower. I feel sticky. Then I will come back in here in a clean nightgown and crawl into bed with you and watch you get some sleep. You had better be asleep when I get back.”

Frank didn’t think he could fall asleep but when April got back, he was snoring lightly. She crawled into bed, cuddled up against his back, listened to his breathing and felt the warmth of his body.

She whispered, “You’re a silly older man and I love you for it.”

Three hours later Frank awoke, and she said: “Was it good for you?” 

He thought she was referring to his sleeping, and he said yes. 

Then she said, “It was fantastic for me too but you better go have a shower and put something on.”

It startled Frank, and he ran his hands over his body only to discover he still had his PJs on.

“April, you will give me a heart attack.”

“Wouldn’t that be a great way to go while we were making love,” she said.

“OK” he said “I have to get up and out of here.”

“Kiss me before you go.”

“Not part of our deal but I will be available for that at breakfast.”

“Make that lunch.” she laughed.

After lunch, they packed up things and headed for her old home. Frank didn’t tell her, but he put his shotgun in the trunk.

*****