Breathless Haste

During my first year of seminary, an old friend asked if I had gotten all of my questions answered. I responded that I now just had more complicated questions. It had been a long time since I had been in school, so reading a massive book in my first class on hermeneutics made me wonder if this was all a mistake. I soon gained confidence that I could do the work, but I also began to realize that it was all much more complicated than I had imagined.

Many people enter seminary believing that they are there simply to learn the right information to support their current beliefs. However, what happens more often is a realization that some of our beliefs won’t hold up to rigorous thought or study. There is more nuance and mystery in Scripture than we can imagine. This type of deconstruction is unsettling and even causes some people to question their faith. Like a game of Jenga, once you take out a few pieces of wood, the whole thing can crumble, and it can be difficult to put back together. I had gotten a glimpse of that in the car ride back from the meeting with the senior pastor. Over time, deconstruction eventually leads some people closer to God and their community, while others become cynical and toxic. As time went by, I came to the conclusion that the purpose of seminary is not to stuff God into a preconceived, man-made box, but to expand our knowledge of the things of God, even if they contradict our prior beliefs. In this way, we will be better equipped to communicate the hope of Christ to the world.

Thankfully, I never really wavered in the core of my faith