Not a Blueprint: It's the Shoe Prints That Matter

. . . When Craig pulled up in his flashy white Thunderbird convertible, I hadn’t seen him since I was around fourteen. And that had been five or six years ago. Now, he’d no longer think of me as Netti’s little buddy, but as a woman. I gazed into his brown eyes, bucked wide open. His look gave the impression that he found me appealing. This was going to be the beginning of a great summer! As we stood face-to-face,  Craig grinned and asked, "So, you’re Nettie’s little buddy, huh? I see you’re not little no more. How about I take you on a date.”

With a bashful smile, I replied, “Yeah, I’d go out with you.” Since I had never been on a date, I thought, What should I wear? How should I act? How would he act?

I decided to wear my tight, low-cut red and black mini dress with black fishnet stockings and red and black pumps. This look showed every curve in my tiny physique, enough to catch any man’s eye. When I opened the door, his beady little eyes scanned my body. I had grown into a full woman, and it showed. But had I truly reached womanhood? Although it felt real, was it?

These questions are what I’d asked myself. Here is where the story should’ve ended. But in reality, that’s where it all began.should’ve ended. 

That night, Craig and I hung out with his best friend, Eddie, and his girlfriend, Barbara. Eddie was also one of those smooth-talking dudes. He loved to wear those big, wide-brimmed hats, tilted to one side. And this cat strutted like a pimp. On the other hand Barbara appeared to be very mild and humble, even passive. They were such a mismatched couple. For the four of us, it wasn’t easy deciding on what to do. But we drove to the lakefront and stayed to watch the sunrise. While there, we watched the sun come up and listened to those old war stories. Don’t quite recall heads or tails of what was spoken about those war days, but to buck my eyes when I heard that Barbara and Craig’s wife, Renna, were best of friends. They were thicker than thieves.  Who could’ve imagined such a thing? Craig was a married man! Aha, married and out on a date—how bold was he? Netti and I were supposed to be the best of friends, yet she never spoke about her brother being married.

Riding home in the back seat of Craig’s car, his hand gently touched my thigh as he whispered sweet nothings in my ear. But he didn’t realize this conversation wasn’t appropriate. I was pure as the virgin oil. We talked about purification for the next few minutes. Uh-huh, how dare Craig bring Eddie and Barbara in on our conversation, only to laugh at me! As soon as Craig saw the anger upon my face—my scrunched up eyelids, gritted teeth, clenched jaw, and a horrible frown—there was nothing but silence. When it broke, I began to find out more about the man I was with. In his mind, he believed his marriage wasn’t truly a marriage.

“Yep, I’m married, but we don’t live together. I’ve not seen or been with her since being home from the Navy. See, it’s just like not being married,” he said.

Stepping back to reflect on a moment of epiphany.

Yes, I was young, vulnerable, and extremely naïve to have indulged in such an illicit affair. And if there’s blame to be shouldered, it’s shared between the two of us—me for being vulnerable and naïve, and him for his dishonesty and those broken vows. Most importantly, he was older and should have known better. We’d committed a sinful act, not only against ourselves, but against another as well.
Often, a person releases one guilt only to harbor another. Ending our relationship would have been the righteous and healthiest thing to have done, . . . since marriage vows mustn’t be taken lightly. This was truly a lesson I’ve learned.be taken lightly. This was truly a lesson I’ve learned.