Ignite Culture

Before we can bring our higher selves to work, we need to confront our fears and the defensive, reactive mindset and behaviors that fear creates. This means managing our egos. From an evolutionary standpoint, part of a healthy ego’s job is to protect us from real-world threats—thus the fear. Our ego, for example, oversees our fight-or-flight response. This helps us react quickly in dangerous situations. If our brain senses danger, it triggers physical changes to our body chemistry in order to prepare us to flee or stay and defend ourselves. Think of a caveman facing a saber-toothed tiger. We wouldn’t have survived as a species if it weren’t for our fight-or-flight instinct. But sometimes the ego goes into overdrive. It obsesses over imagined threats. It can even cause us to shape events or people into threats when in fact they are not. “The ego does not want an end to its ‘problems’ because they are part of its identity,” bestselling author and speaker Eckhart Tolle once wrote. “It gives definition to our self-image, makes us into someone, and that is all that matters to the ego.” When the ego is in overdrive, self-limiting thoughts and behaviors make meaningful growth and change almost impossible.

Plot twist: for those who think keeping things as they are guarantees continued control, it doesn’t. You’ve simply left your ego in charge. Here are a few signs that this might be the case: you always have to be right, you struggle with feedback, your relationships are strained, you blame others for your failures, you never feel satisfied, you ask too much and give too little, and/or you don’t hire people smarter than you. It’s all about you and your problems, your stress, and your burdens. You might not even know you’re doing these things because your ego keeps you in the dark and discourages you from the type of exploration that could lead to more self-awareness. At an organizational level, companies run by leaders with overactive egos struggle with innovation and growth because everyone is afraid to approach, much less confront, their boss’s ego. They know they’re only going to have their head bitten off—so why say anything? Remember that leadership disconnect I mentioned earlier? An ego in overdrive is a big contributor to this problem. Even self-aware people find themselves in the dark about internal chokeholds on their thoughts or behaviors. With every new step forward, a new gap opens up. If you’re moving towards new possibilities, there’s always a gap between what got you here to what is needed to get there.

So, now that we’re clear who’s really in charge (your ego), let’s figure out how to change things. Remember, the ego likes to react in the moment, not plan for the future. You’ll need to be very intentional about managing your ego. Richard Rohr, founder of the Center for Action and Contemplation, put it this way: “The human ego prefers anything, just about anything, to failing, or changing, or dying. The ego is that part of you that loves the status quo—even when it’s not working. It attaches to the past and present and fears the future.”

If you allow an overactive ego to guide your decision making at work, it’s going to be very challenging to lead people into a successful future—indeed, it’s going to be very challenging to lead them at all! You’re choosing to stay on the train even though the bridge ahead is out. This won’t end well for you or your people. Your ego will keep you mired in problems and stuck in a place of hopelessness, fear, and frustration. Your human system will be frozen, unable to productively figure out what to do, while the train keeps barreling toward the cliff ahead. The world doesn’t stop just because you and your team aren’t capable of addressing the problems ahead. Becoming agile enough to respond together in the moment means leaving your overactive ego on the shelf.