In this compelling memoir Lori Abbott chronicles her dangerous relationship with her ex-fiancé who was a meth and heroin addict. In addition to the overwhelming aspects of loving a drug addict, there was domestic abuse, including a series of traumatic events during the relationship that escalated to an attempt being taken on her life 2015.
Lori Abbott is an attorney who spent fifteen years of her career representing victims of domestic abuse who one day became a victim herself.
The Romeo & Juliet Delusion provides a rare and unique insight into the reality of deeply loving a drug addict, remaining in a dangerous relationship for too long, and watching one's own life deteriorate while desperately trying to save someone else. It was by divine intervention that Abbott did not die in that hotel room. She feels it is now her responsibility to share not only what she experienced in those moments when she believed that she was dying (as the man she deeply loved eerily stood by and watched), but also how she took actual aspects of her near death experience to significantly heal herself and unexpectedly find her own sobriety from alcohol along the way.
The Romeo & Juliet Delusion provides inspiration to anyone who’s life has been touched by addiction or domestic violence. Abbott relies on raw, uninhibited storytelling to convey the methods she used to explore healing and freedom from trauma.
After escaping her relationship, Abbott spent the next several years experimenting with different ways of healing from trauma. She learned to live her best life alongside PTSD every day, and discovered that to be the best version of herself and heal to the highest extent possible, she needed to show up in this world as a sober woman. In the midst of Abbott's healing journey, she dealt with the lingering knowledge that she had an issue with alcohol, which heightened to new levels after the trauma, as alcohol and PTSD are not a good combination. Ultimately, Abbott was able to begin to break the trauma bond she had with her ex-fiancé (She was as addicted to him as he was to meth and heroin) and learned to fully embrace sober living.
Individuals suffering from addiction or who are experiencing domestic violence are isolated, but reading about someone’s true life experiences provides them with the hope they are desperately seeking. In this book readers will learn how to: Recognize and break trauma bonds View addiction with compassion and curiosity Release the shame associated with abuse and addiction Reclaim their voices Live an extraordinary life free from the weight of trauma The Universe intentionally imprinted upon Abbott's soul the experience of this particular relationship and what happened in that hotel room, which forever changed the trajectory of her life and left her with no alternative for peace or purpose until she placed her message out into the world. Abbott's intention is that by authentically sharing her story, she can help to change the lives of people in similar situations and inspire others to view addiction and domestic abuse with compassion and curiosity.
Most importantly, Abbott has learned how to live an extraordinary life alongside the haunting memories, PTSD and a lingering soul connection to her ex-fiancé. It is Abbott's hope that The Romeo & Juliet Delusion will shake the glass house of those who live in their ivory towers looking down on a woman like her wondering how she could possibly find herself in the situation that she did. The fall down from an ivory tower is going to cause a lot more damage than the fall down for those who live with their feet firmly planted on the ground, owning their stories and using them to inspire, educate and heal others.
Lori Abbott is a lawyer with over 20 years of experience in the areas of Family and Criminal Law. She holds a BA in Criminal Justice and Social Welfare from Mankato State University and a JD from William Mitchell College of Law. Throughout the course of her career, Lori has dedicated countless hours of free legal representation to women seeking Domestic Abuse Protection Orders. Abbott also spent many years in private practice volunteering at a Rape and Abuse Crisis Center where she saw firsthand the effects of abuse and trauma on women and children every day. After a near-death experience at the hands of her former fiancé in 2015, she found herself in the same exact shoes of all those women she spent her life professionally representing. In her book The Romeo & Juliet Delusion, Abbott brings a very unique perspective to the subject matter as a successful family and criminal law attorney. Her story shows that addiction and the possibility of drowning in a toxic relationship can happen to anyone. Through the retelling of her own abuse at the hands of someone she deeply loved; readers can understand that domestic violence and addiction do not care about race, gender, job title or educational level. Abbott offers an inspiring vision of what is possible for victims on the other side of trauma, abuse, and addiction; all while revealing how she overcame her own personal battles that so strongly parallel the women she serves and the countless number of women around the world currently trapped in this dangerous type of relationship. Much like the clients she serves, Abbott was forced to embark upon the greatest challenges of her life: learning to heal from her own trauma, abuse, and addictions. Throughout this journey, she was called upon by the Universe to fully own her story and share it with the world. In addition, to the writing of this book, Lori has started going public with her story by being a guest speaker on live Facebook interviews, morning radio shows in her local community, podcasts and various in-person speaking engagements. Abbott is an avid world traveler, life adventurer and an extreme sport enthusiast. She currently resides in Fargo, ND with her dog Maicy. In addition to practicing law, Abbott is a volunteer Wish Granter with Make-A-Wish, a Literacy Coach at a non-profit Dyslexia Learning Center and a youth mentor for under-privileged girls through the YMCA.
Dissociation occurs in your subconscious mind to protect you from the reality of what you experiencing. A significant part of healing from any trauma is recognizing your dissociation and removing it.
Book Excerpt
The Romeo and Juliet Delusion
The single greatest takeaway from my first attempt at healing was this: There was no way to effectively heal from abuse and trauma while still maintaining the contact I had with Romeo. When you are in a toxic relationship, a dangerous subconscious coping mechanism automatically occurs whereby you disconnect from your wise self and romanticize the person and events because acknowledging the truth of your reality is impossible for your psyche to comprehend. This disconnection is called dissociation. Dissociation is the subconscious process in which your mind so elegantly dances away from the reality of your life and carries you to a place of perceived reality. The unconscious mind does this when the pain and fear of what is really going on is too much for the conscious mind to process. You start convincing yourself that the person is different from who they really are, and you have a justification for all of their behaviors because doing this is easier and requires less strength than accepting what is really going on. It was easier for me to keep trying to convince myself that it was somehow okay what Romeo did because he was under the influence of drugs when he did it. My thought process was focused on how I could justify his behavior rather than seeing it for what it was: Romeo was not a monster the night he slammed my head repeatedly into the cement floor of our garage because he was hearing voices telling him that I was someone else; it was his mental illness and drug addiction causing it, so I better just love him more and try harder to get him the help he needs. You also take an ordinary act or strange behavior and romanticize it into a fictitious act of love. Romeo’s act of installing cameras inside and outside every inch of our home was done because he loved the girls and I so much he wanted to keep us safe from the unsavory people he brought into our lives, not because of his dangerous paranoia and drug addiction.
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