I vividly recall that fall of 2015, being curled up in a lifeless ball on the floor of the home I had been sharing with Romeo. I had been wearing the same clothes for going on four days, crying, fragile, unemployed, in debt, and scared. Nothing had changed, yet everything had changed. When Romeo went on the run, he took nothing with him, not even a single piece of clothing. The smell of his cologne still lingered in the air, and his energy haunted every corner of every room in that house. I was paralyzed by life. Knowing there were a hundred things that I needed to do, but unable to so much as take a shower, let alone begin to tackle the world, left me on the verge of suicide. How did I get here, and what in the fuck do I do now? Lying next to me was the denial letter from my unemployment, a phone full of messages from Romeo, a sheriff’s car once again parked outside, and the echo of the voice of my landlord tenderly explaining that he was going to have to start looking for a new tenant if I could not get caught up on rent by the end of the week.
Today, though, is a different story. I awoke to the sunrise illuminating the sky over my beautiful apartment, my dog, Maicy, snuggled up next to me, planning the details of my upcoming solo travel adventure to Honduras. I continue to be a successful corporate attorney for one of the world’s largest technology companies. I feel extremely grateful for every little thing I have. In a way, one can only be truly grateful for having first fallen so far down the black hole of despair you had to crawl your way back up into the light. So much has changed over the last few years that it sometimes seems hard to believe. The residual effects are still there, but I have now accepted that and move through life knowing that there is nothing that I cannot overcome and not only overcome but conquer.
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