We’ll Always be In Love

Interviewer: Hidden beliefs about relationship number four:

Falling out of love means that the relationship is in trouble.

What exactly is this mistake and what should people do instead.

Jonathan: Well this belief shows up when ordinary life dampens the romantic high. The truth is that the bells-and-whistles stage of a relationship is a very early stage and it’s only the first stage of a growing and loving relationship.

To think that that should be the entire relationship is like thinking that what goes on between a mother and a new-born infant is all there is to parenting, it’s just the first stage so that’s what the mistake is.

Did you want to add something Laurie?

Laurie: No relationships just naturally grow and change over time. They do go through predictable stages and we can help people with that, but we don’t want people to blame themselves or each other or to try and capture the romance in order to have a truly loving relationship.

People think that being in love is all there is and they don’t know the richness that develops into people who really love and accept each other warts and all.

Interviewer: Okay, excellent.

Jonathan: It takes a certain amount of energy and attention to move through the other stages of a relationship, to recognize what’s happening and to talk about it and share the information.

There are some predictable changes that a relationship will go through. Having an idea of what those are and what they look like when they show up helps people put attention on them and get what they need as the relationship changes.

Instead they think that there’s something wrong just because it’s not as wonderful as it first was.