Why Won’t She Kiss and Make Up?

I love my wife, but she won't kiss and make up with me.

Have you thought about the reason your wife might not want to kiss and make up after a fight? It may seem weird to you that she doesn't want to be hugged and kissed after a fight and gets mad at you for approaching her that way, but it's really a pretty common reaction.

When you fight, you push each other away and disconnect from each other. To make up, like many men, you want physical closeness. That closeness lets you know that you are loved. For many women, though, it doesn't work that way at all. Women often need to reconnect in other ways before they are comfortable with allowing physical closeness again.

Hugging and kissing her may feel to her as if you want something from her, rather than simply giving her something. The answer is giving her what she wants first, before you try to get what you want. The problem with that is that you probably have no idea what she wants.

Since you don't know, you simply follow the Golden Rule which says to treat others the way you would like to be treated. And that backfires because she needs something different than you do in order to feel loved again.

You can make the situation much better by using the Platinum Rule which says to treat others the way they would like to be treated.

Different people need different things to feel loved.