Perfect Partner

The bigger issue here seems to be one of maturity and resourcefulness. Melissa and her fiancé have apparently never spoken about the potential problems they may encounter—sexual and otherwise. They need to start talking right away. Sometimes pre-marital classes help engaged couples open those discussions.

A 9-year age gap could be a problem for many reasons other than mismatched sexual experience. A 20-year-old has had very limited time to learn about the responsibilities of being an adult in the world. Her interests may be quite different than her husbands. They may both expect her to defer to his judgment because of his greater life experience. He may be ready for children years before she is.

A New York Times article suggests that couples discuss finances, household responsibilities, the desire for children, health concerns and spiritual beliefs among other issues. All of these are important.

Melissa seems to be very naive about marriage and may be a part of a community that supports older men marrying younger women. Matches like this were very common in the past and experienced men expected to initiate their virgin wives sexually. She needs to tell her fiancé about her lack of sexual experience and ask that he be prepared to help her discover what pleases them both. And she needs to start having the conversations that will lay the foundation for a successful and happy marriage.