Perfect Partner

If normal means that you're doing something that lots of other people in their 20s are doing, then it definitely normal to be in a long-term relationship and not think about getting married.

 The Bureau of Labor Statistics reported in 2014 that slightly fewer than half of US adults over age 16 are currently married. The US Census Bureau estimates the average age of first-time brides in 2017 was 27.4 years. For first time grooms its 29.5 Some other recent statistics show:

• The mothers of 53% of all children born to women under 30 are unmarried (New York Times).
• In 2016 unmarried households were 47.6% of all U.S. households (U.S. Census Bureau 2016).
• Only 16% of the adults aged 18-29 are married. (U.S. Census Bureau 2016).

What isn't clear is the reason you're not at all worried about marriage. It might be that you understand that marriage involves a lot of hard work. If so, you are more aware than many of the women who responded to my recent survey about what they wished they had known before they were married. Many of them were surprised by the work involved. You may be thinking why bother with all that work when we're happy the way we are.

On the other hand, you may see marriage is a very serious commitment that you're not yet ready to undertake. Chances are that you have very little idea of the kinds of benefits that are available when you make a commitment to do the work involved. Some of the women who responded to my survey reported that the rewards of doing the work were well worth the effort involved.

There are other marriage benefits that most cohabiting couples never consider. These may include a better financial situation, not only because of shared living expenses and breaks like shared insurance costs and mortgages with lower rates but because being married often involves a clearer commitment to shared financial goals.

Married people live longer and report being happier than unmarried people. Their mental health is better with less depression, distress and alcohol abuse. There's also less violence reported among married than unmarried couples. And married people report more sexual satisfaction than either single or cohabiting individuals.

A very real benefit of commitment to working through a relationship with another person instead of always thinking you can leave it doesn't work out is that you learn and grow together. You come to depend on each other and the challenges you share deepen your sense of intimacy and connection to each other.

You don't have to be worried about marriage now in order to reap those benefits in the future when you're ready to make the kind of commitment that leads to a mature and stable marriage.