Being Married

He Seemed So Nice…

It is way too easy to be attracted to a man because he is new and different. You think he gives you what you want—which may be nothing more than an escape from a difficult situation. You may want to hurry up and make sure he doesn’t change his mind. But unless you wait you may be seduced by surface traits that don’t really match what fits into your life.

Part of taking time before you marry involves learning about your own patterns. Part involves being together long enough to learn how he changes under different circumstances.

Have you noticed that almost as soon as you get what you want you start to want something else? It’s part of being human—he does it too.

You probably see it most clearly when choosing what you wear or the music you listen to. Your desires are influenced by what you see in stores and what your friends are wearing or listening to. Often what you thought you just had to have one month is completely abandoned a few months later. Certainly by the time a year passes you are ready for a change.

But sometimes you develop a favorite—maybe a purse or a jacket or a pair of earrings or a song—something that makes you feel good or happy every time you take it out and use it. You want to keep it even when it gets old and ratty. You didn’t know that would happen; it took time for that preference to develop.

Sometimes giving yourself the time you need means giving yourself the time to learn about your own likes and dislikes—those things that stay relatively consistent over time instead of being influenced by the novelty of newness or by popularity. That also means learning the difference between what you are supposed to want and what really excites YOU—long term.

Anita puts it this way: “Be careful who you trust—time tells all. Don’t be in a rush to move forward in the relationship—the longer you can wait, the more you will learn about the individual.”