Being Married

No Man Can Make You Whole

Catherine, divorced, says: “I was so unhappy and emotionally abused. I wish I had known my own worth and that it was okay to not to get married unless I was absolutely sure that my partner and I were right for one another. I was lonely—I thought I needed a man to make me whole.”

Fairy tales, most traditional children’s stories, cartoons, adolescent romances, internet content, movies, TV, etc. surround most of us from birth onward. Although these stories now feature girls who are braver and more resourceful than the ones they portrayed in the mid-20th century, they still show most of those girls longing to find a husband. Heterosexual couples are the norm, and it is hard to imagine any other possibilities.

The destructive myth of two becoming one is rampant. It’s a great spiritual concept, but in the real world it becomes an excuse to not develop all aspects of yourself. Instead, you expect your partner to add the missing parts. That myth leads to the belief that you NEED a man to make you whole.

And, as a Lesbian woman pointed out, sometimes a man really doesn’t fit in the picture at all.

Needing is not the same as wanting. Remember, you’re biologically programmed to reproduce. That does require a man—or, at least, his sperm. Cloning is not included in your programming. And you probably do WANT a man, for a variety of obvious reasons. But there is no need to hurry.

Judy wishes “someone would have told me to enjoy my life more: smile more, do ‘silly’ things, read books in the sun, take naps, daydream.”

Marriage works best when it is between two complete people. Take the time to develop yourself before you take the plunge.