Reflections of Joy: Learning to Love the Woman You See While Becoming the One You're Meant to Be

Crowding Out For Fellowship

As I’ve shared (over and over again) throughout this chapter, I love people and cooking. Dinner parties are probably my favorite gathering, and I’ve reached a level of practical experience where I feel comfortable inviting guests to join us with short- notice. Even though I consider hosting one of my gifts, I’ve had moments where I dismiss the idea and close off my house to friends because I’m tired or the bathrooms need cleaning. Or maybe I don’t have the energy or ingredients to serve a worthy meal. Jeff will often coerce me to extend the invitation, promising to help (how does mowing the grass help me in the kitchen?), and I give in.  

In the past, I thought creating space for community meant I had to host in my freshly cleaned house with home-cooked food. The everything-cooked-from-scratch-on-the-day phase lasted long enough for me to tire of missing out on social time while I finished cooking or doing dishes. I found myself resenting the fun others had when we gathered, and I picked fights in the middle of the meal with “he who mows the lawn.”

I neglected to consider that a gathering didn’t have to be premeditated or extravagant. The community doesn’t have a set menu, an ideal number of participants, or even a specific purpose.

The following list may have been born out of frustration, but relaxing my previous standards has served me well! 

1 Minute: 

Extend an invitation: Make the call. Send a group text. Start the ball rolling and see if someone else will join you

Respond to an invitation: Follow up with someone who has invited you!

Drop off: Take a plate of cookies or a container of soup to someone in your neighborhood. 

5- 10 Minutes: 

Initiate the idea: Create a FaceBook group or group chat. Ask a small group to meet.

Visit at the fence: Many people don’t know their neighbors! Make the excuse of admiring their roses and introduce yourself!

Take a lap: Take a walk around the block. Say hello to everyone you meet. Your new best friend might live half a block away!

30 Minutes:

Meet for coffee: See the same cars in the pick-up line day after day? Hop out of your vehicle and suggest an afternoon coffee with other moms. 

Lunch in motion: Meet with coworkers for a walk at lunchtime. 

Bonus points if you have a focused conversation about a book you’re reading (rather than grumbling about work)

60-90 minutes:

Book Club: Read a great book? Take the lead and suggest it to your friends! Coordinate a meeting date and provide snacks. Ask one of your friends to pick the next book and let them take responsibility for planning that event. It might have been your idea in the first place, but release some of the responsibility to others. They become more vested in the group when they’re helping out.

Lunch: Sometimes, groups are so action-oriented that they forget to gather to reflect on the good things they do (or the things that can improve). Step away from doing and enjoy conversation with the people you work with. 

Class time: Invite your friends to a class where none of you are the “expert.” Enjoy the opportunity to learn together. It could be a class on prayer, crafts, or wine tasting-  anything will do. New learners like to share, naturally forming a bond between participants.

Playdate: Can’t find a babysitter? Go out on a limb and ask some moms or caregivers you know to meet at a park or the pool. 

2 Hours:

Dinner Party: Make a plan. Make it simple. I like to cook one large, hands-off protein and offer a variety of salads and sides. I almost always serve buffet style. Don’t be afraid to order carry-out. The point is to enjoy time with others, not to win an Iron Chef competition.

Family picnic: Invite your family to meet at a park and let everyone bring food. Time together without the fuss!

Community Potluck: Remember the good old days when the church would host a 

Potluck? I can still taste the tater tot casserole and strawberry pretzel salad! Take the initiative to gather some friends to organize an event!

Freeze Party: Check out sites like The Family Freezer for recipes that can be easily multiplied. Gather some girlfriends and divide the work! I did this a few times with my gym family. It’s so much more fun to dice onions or chop chicken when you’re with your friends! Split the costs, and everyone leaves with freezer meals to save you on a crazy day!

All Day: 

Reunion or Holiday:

Create a plan! Determine when and where you would like to meet. Consider a day that’s not an official holiday, and if you want to guarantee a large group, begin planning months in advance.

Ask for help. Offer to cook a portion of the meal and assign others to bring specific food items or to provide plates and cups. Don’t forget about ordering takeout and giving everyone the chance to contribute.

Extend grace. There is a good chance some people will say they will attend and won’t show up. Or maybe they won’t respond to the invitation. Rather than getting mad, check in on them, let them know they were missed, and extend an invitation for next time.

I can’t believe I’m admitting this in a public forum, but through crowding out and creating time for people, I realized that mowing the lawn was just an excuse to stay out of my way while trying to “do it all.” I’m thankful for Jeff’s nudge to bring people to the table. We’ve reached a happy place where I cook, and he cleans up after, and we both get to enjoy a gathering of friends at home.

That being said, there are only twenty-four hours in a day. 

If your life is like mine, you’ve likely tried to borrow a few more hours for today from tomorrow on more than one occasion. It’s never worked for me, so if you figure it out, give me a shout! 

I’ve learned that everything on my to-do list will be there tomorrow, but there is a chance that the people I love won’t be. 

The current trend is to protect your time. To say no. To shun the guilt of declining another invitation. I hope the trend will pass as soon as possible.

We’re created to be in community. It doesn’t matter what the house looks like or what’s on the menu; send the invitation. Spend time with people. Organize a BBQ or a potluck- you don’t have to do it alone. Ask some friends to join you for a walk. Join a book group. Volunteer at a local event.

Share your stories. Share your love. Do it often, and the world will be a better place.

“For where two or three come together in my name, I am there with them.”

Matthew 18:20 NIRV

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