Reflections of Joy: Learning to Love the Woman You See While Becoming the One You're Meant to Be

Once upon a time, I believed if I could make someone's life better, they would love me forever. I also thought, through my giving, that person should know that's how I loved and would automatically give me what I needed in return. Now, I know (and my people know) that I show love through acts of service, even if they don't. I've tried to learn to use my words to reinforce my feelings and communicate what I need to feel appreciated and loved.

I've also realized that no one in my life expects me to be perfect, whether personal or professional. No one will love me less or unfriend me if I'm not the best. My husband loves me when I'm crabby and discouraged or feeling gross, and he helps me with chores, even when he knows I'll redo what he did. My sons and daughters-in-law love me through my senior moments, recipe failures, and ridiculous gifts. I've learned to join in once in a while when they enjoy a good laugh at my expense! I have family and friends who love me unconditionally, whether we see each other occasionally or once a week, even if I forget a special date or if I'm running late. 

And even though I will never be perfect on this side of heaven, I am loved by a God who thinks I'm lovely just as I am. He offers me grace when I goof up and the excellent gift of knowing I am loved no matter what I do, look like, say, or feel. 

"But by the grace of God, I am what I am, and His grace to me was not without effect."

1 Corinthians 15:10

I read those words today, and somehow, through the rush of catching up on my weekly passages, they stood out. I reread them, accepting them as if they were written just for me. I reached for another version just to be sure I understood. The Message worded it this way:

"But because God was so gracious, so very generous, here I am…"

I am imperfect but wonderfully made. 

I am forgetful, but I remember what is special about you. 

I am often late, but I'll make time for you. 

I bite off more than I can chew, but I want you to feel special.  

I'm easily bored, but I am passionate about things that matter. 

I am right even when I'm wrong, but I know how to say I’m sorry. 

"…and I'm not about to let His grace go to waste":

I was created with gifts unique only to me. 

I've been placed in this time and this place with my own set of stories. 

My circumstances allow me to do His will and to be of service to others. 

My busy days are gone, and now is the time to create opportunities for community.

I often stop myself, wondering if this is what I'm truly meant to do. Is it possible that all roads could lead to this moment in time? In my greatest moments of doubt, I've always received an answer that made me believe again.  

But because God was so gracious… here I am.