It's occurred to me over the last few years that faith is like everything else. Just like there isn't a perfect diet or workout, there isn't a perfect way to worship. Like all of the other good things in life, you have to find your way to Jesus in a way that feels right to you.
When I'm gone, someone will have the opportunity to read my most private thoughts from the journals hidden strategically in my home, and they'll undoubtedly realize they didn't know me at all.
I put on a happy face, and I try to see the best in everyone. I act like I have my life together and I've figured out my way. But throughout the pages where I allow my heart to wander, I explore the moments when I felt far from God. In my early journals, one will find list after list after list of should haves, could haves, and what-ifs. And after each of those lists, there is the obligatory self-shaming session where I attempt to justify my desires despite my blessings:
How is it that I could receive so much and yet still feel unsatisfied?
Can I be thankful and still want more?
Can I be angry? Can I feel alone?
Will He love me if I walk away for a time?
The answer, again and again, is yes.
God wants us to prosper. He wants us to be happy, healthy, and satisfied, but in our rush to do everything, acquire everything, and BE all things, we have forgotten how to be thankful.
Throughout this chapter, I'll share a few practices that have helped me shift my posture from desire to gratitude. As I work to reconcile my relationship with God, my expectations have changed. I've accepted His love and grace, which are never-ending, and learned that He wants me to be happy. Through this, I've begun to notice things that bring me undeniable joy.
My list of blessings continues to grow.
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