Jul!

Then, there was a loud knock on the door.

My eyes widened in horror. I wasn’t sure I wanted to answer. Between the story about Jackie’s death and getting a goat the last time I answered the door, I was kind of gun-shy.

The goat jumped off the couch, leaped to the door and looked at me expectantly.

“Meh.”

Another knock. I shook my head and drew the blanket up even farther.

“Meh.” The goat narrowed his eyes and lowered his head.

“Okay.”

Apprehensively, I got up off the couch.

My heart beat faster with every step closer to the door. I drew a deep breath before I turned the handle and opened it. A tuner blared out, followed by voices joining it. Instantly, I regretted my decision to answer the door.

“On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me a partridge in a pear tree.”

Carolers. Seven of them, all dressed in ambiguous, decade non-specific 19^th century outfits, singing one of the worst Christmas songs. Who the fuck gives birds and other people as gifts?

The monkey chased the weasel…

The goat looked up at me.

“Meh.”

“On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me four calling birds, three French hens…”

They were only on day four. This song was so repetitive. Really, all Christmas music was. It’s just new versions of the same 10 songs over and over. I gritted my teeth and wondered how much of my time they’d waste. God, I hoped they’d be done after this song. I can’t stand Christmas music in general, but listening to an amateur performance…yikes. Behind the alleged singers, an audience had started to gather in my yard.

“On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me six geese a laying, five goooooooooooolden riiiiiings…”

And I was done. I slammed the door, locked it and went back to the couch.

The goat looked perturbed, but I couldn’t make it through six more days, let alone face the risk of the carolers starting another song.

Over The Grinch, I heard the carolers had moved next door and were now threatening the neighbors with squatting if they didn’t get figgy pudding.