My chest felt tight and my heart pounded. Tears streamed down my face and I couldn’t catch my breath. My husband suggested I go out to the beach and spend some time by myself. I went gladly, eager to process this overwhelming anxiety with God.
I listened to the waves crash on the shore, tasted my warm salty tears. I didn’t even know what to pray about. I expected more silence from God.
Never have I been more thankful to be proven wrong. He whispered one word that broke the silence and banished the anxiety and grief that had gripped my heart for so long.
Embrace what? I wondered.
And for the next hour or so, God revealed area after area of my life that I needed to embrace. I wish I had written in at all down at the time, but I don’t think my pen would have flown across the pages fast enough. I was convicted. Encouraged. Loved by the God of the universe.
He would gently remind me of something I needed to embrace fully in my life. Something that I needed to not only accept, but cherish. My role as a mother. My husband and his personality. My children. Their progress. Their personalities. This special-needs journey. Myself. And most importantly, God. My perspective was transformed to the biblical, rather than the worldly way of doing things that I’d been trying to do unsuccessfully for years.
I don’t know how long I spent on the beach, tears rolling down my cheeks, anxious thoughts stilling, transformation unfolding in my heart. A couple hours at least. I probably could have spent longer, but it started to rain and I headed back toward our lovely beach condo where my family and a renewed purpose were waiting for me.
For the first time in a long time I felt alive and happy and at peace.
I began to live with the intention of embracing this special life I had been given.
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