My Summary Thoughts on These Experiences
There’s a song I love by The Head and the Heart called “Missed Connection.” The song is apparently about how the band met each other, but it’s also about how one member of the band met his girlfriend; one of the lines of the song is “But I see it and I feel it in my soul” and is essentially how I feel. There is no proof about what I’m feeling when I make these connections other than what I tell Alexandra when it happens. So, it’s hard to summarize what I am feeling, other than to say it feels surreal.
As I’ve noted, I’m also aware that everything I’ve experienced could be chalked up to chemical reactions in my body impacting my sensitivity to those around me, or that I’ve just become more empathetic to those around me in general. However, the number of experiences I’ve had—especially the ones where the person I felt I was connecting to was either not in the same room or out of sight—has led me to believe that there is something else going on, something that cannot be explained away as easily as this.
Is it possible that everything I have experienced is just my subconscious surfacing while I’m high, and it turns out I am more like Alexandra than I thought? Absolutely. Most of my experiences could be chalked up to my normally suppressed feelings coming out. However, what makes me confident that something unusual is happening is the timing of everything I have experienced—the congruity and synchronization of my thoughts and feelings in relation to somebody else’s. If I’d said, “Shut up, Mattie” a few minutes after I heard Alexandra say the same thing or if I hadn’t tensed up at the exact same time in the exact same way as Alexandra when my son was being a smartass, I obviously wouldn’t think anything of it. How these experiences could be just a coincidence each and every time is actually the part I can’t get my head around.
The experiences I have shared above are some of the more notable ones. There have been many more where Alexandra and I have said, done, or felt the same thing at the same time. As I noted above, I have also had experiences with my kids where I can tell how they are feeling and why while I am high. For example, my daughter wanting to start her bedtime routine, my older son’s need for reassurance after a tough baseball game, or my dog needing to go pee without her sitting by the door begging to go outside. Being able to feel these connections allows me to have the proper conversations with Alexandra or my kids in reaction to their feelings. What’s more is that I want to do this, and it doesn’t feel forced or pressured or shameful to want to do this.
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