The Collective

Me: What does any of this have to do with me?

The Collective: We are examining your thoughts. We are assessing the complexity of your consciousness on a continuum. We are doing an in-depth examination of the melding process within your species. Our focus is general regarding Homo-sapiens, and particular regarding you.

Me: So you read my mind without permission?

The Collective: Obviously.

Me: What if I object?

The Collective: We will do it anyway. We won’t ask for clarification. We will wipe your memory. You will never know we are here.

Me: Fuck that. Welcome aboard. I personally want to learn all about you guys. I can’t speak for anyone else. Why are you interested in me?

The Collective: The Ascended have decided your species warrants Pathfinder investigation, interaction, intervention, and study. You have come to the attention of the Ascended. They have directed our attention towards you.

Me: When did this blessed event occur?

The Collective: Many transmigrations ago.

Me: What the fuck does that bullshit mean? Who are the Ascended? Who are the Pathfinders? What gives them the right to study humans?

The Collective: We have the license of a higher order of being. We are a type 3 civilization. We have a noble purpose.

Me: What purpose? And what the hell is type 3?

The Collective: We grow weary of the endless darkness. We want the conscious among your species to survive. We want the light of Consciousness to grow within the darkness of space and time. We have been focusing on space travel and exploration. The search for life has consumed us. Some of your species are almost ready for Passage.

Me: What? Explain that please. What is type 3? And what exactly is Passage? What do you mean “almost?”

The Collective: Most of your species do not possess disciplined minds.

Me: And you think I do?

The Collective: You do.

Me: Man, you really fucked up. I am in shock right now. I can be very emotional. I know there are many people much better than me regarding control over emotions. I fucking cry at movies sometimes. I have punched complete strangers in the face many times. I’ve also stomp kicked a few people in the nutts. I throat chopped a drunk in El Paso once.

The Collective: Why that target?

Me: I didn’t like the stupid expression on his asinine, nonsensical, fat, inbred, drunken, hillbilly face. Plus his fucking mouth was open. He was a mouth breather. I fucking hate mouth breathers.

The Collective: Why his throat? The human larynx is very delicate. He needs to breathe. It’s a homo-sapien requirement for life.

Me: He doesn’t need to be walking around in public with his cock holster open. Disgusting. He was short of breath just reading the bar appetizer menu. It’s goddam embarrassing when you see that shit. I throat chopped his fat ass just on general principal.

The Collective: You endangered his life due to your personal aesthetic?

Me: Maybe. He was a fat neck moron with a neck beard. He had a lot of padding. Fuck that guy.

The Collective: Within your species emotional regulation is often flawed. You, however, often display superior emotional regulation under stress.

Me: I do?

The Collective: More on that later. Please explore with us your thoughts and feelings regarding the orphans. These thoughts prevent you from sleeping. Your moral injury is curious to us.

Me: So you think I have a disciplined mind? You think I’m sometimes well-regulated emotionally? That’s just fucking hilarious. I kicked a fat biker in the nutts two days ago for bumping into me at the bar. Clumsy fat fuck spilled my drink. I’m a fucking savage. Nobody fucks with my bloody Mary.

The Collective: A spilled drink is not a suitable reason for violence.

Me: Really? Salad and vodka is my sacred elixir. Its vegetarian. Respect my ways. They are mysterious and entertaining.

The Collective: We are aware of your actions. We have been observing and reporting for a very long time. You use discernment. That is a valuable trait.

Me: On a side note I always wear steel toed boots off base. I was a boy scout. The scout motto is “be prepared.”

The Collective: Back to the orphans please.

Me: The Scout slogan is “do a good turn daily.” That’s why I choke chopped the slob ordering food at the bar.

The Collective: How was temporarily closing his airway a “good turn?”

Me: It was my duty to society. I was helping him with his diet. He needed to lose a hundred pounds. Fuck that greasy menu in his fat hands. He discovered he needed air more than onion rings and ranch. He dropped it fast. Instead of unhealthy food I introduced him to the dietary benefits of consuming nitrogen and oxygen. I actually helped the guy.

The Collective: We would like to focus on your interaction with the orphans in Korea.

Me: Ok, but we will revisit the Passage thing. And all the other stuff too. The melding, the machines, all that shit. As for picking me to talk with, you definitely fucked up. I am not a social butterfly. I pretty much despise everyone.

The Collective: You didn’t despise the orphans. You displayed selective empathy. Please focus on the journal entry. The plight of the orphans clearly concerns you. We are very interested in your reasoning regarding the incident with the orphans. Explain as best you can.

Me: Okay. I’ll break it down for you. What in the actual inbred fuck is so awful about being a bi-racial toddler? What kind of retarded assclown makes a toddler sleep in a fucking oil drum in winter? You guys can’t grasp the extreme level of fuckery within this situation? Excuse me. I thought you were advanced aliens. Clearly, I was mistaken.

The Collective: More reason, logic, and rational thought. Less emotion please.

Me: What the hell is wrong with fucking Korea? What kind of government allows this level of cruelty? I can’t even drink myself to sleep sometimes. Opium tincture works just fine. Phenobarbital is better. I sleep like a baby on that shit. Better living through chemistry.

The Collective: We agree. However your sleep is disturbed.

Me: Bullshit. Wait, you agree with better living through chemistry?

The Collective: Yes. However even with sedative hypnotics and opiates your sleep is not optimal.

Me: I sleep like a well fed infant full of glorious titty milk. Just another pesky side note for your consideration.

The Collective: You do not sleep like an infant. Infants do not need opium tincture, codeine, or phenobarbital. Also infants wake up every few hours. You sleep like an angry great ape under weak sedation.

Me: I just want to be clear. You actually agree with better living through chemistry?

The Collective: Yes. However not the way you do it.