-
Author Insight
All Families Have Issues
At this time of family gatherings it is useful to take a step back and attempt to see your family from a distance, not being the victim of your situation or of past situations. It is good if you can self soothe when conversations become antagonistic. Stay calm. Take a deep breath. Maybe get up and walk into another room; maybe take a bathroom break. Stop yourself from getting triggered. Realize that you are safe and that family members often have different opinions and different memories of life experiences.
Book Excerpt
The Yummy Marriage
All families deal with challenges, stress, conflicts, and a bit of chaos, or what Israel calls “mishigas.” Mishigas is a Yiddish word that warmly captures the general craziness in any situation. Israel dealt with a lot of mishigas in his childhood and it impacted how he felt about himself and his childhood.
In an extreme form, a family or community’s mishigas causes Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE). The more negative experiences (ACEs) a child has, the more apt they are to experience addiction and deal with challenges in relationships of all kinds throughout their lifetime.
Situations like this set up a foundation for feelings of shame and low self-worth. Shame is a toxic feeling that says, “I am not lovable or worthy of love.” Healing childhood shame is essential to a happy marriage and a happy life.
Shame is closely tied to secrets. Families keep secrets because they are ashamed of something. Confronting family secrets can let you break the cycles of shame. Secrets about adoption and biology, affairs, criminal records, addiction, and mental health are common.
Reflect on your family. What secrets did your family keep? How have they affected you? What secrets are in your current family? Do they need to be kept as secrets?
Click Follow to receive emails when this author adds content on Bublish
Comment on this Bubble
Your comment and a link to this bubble will also appear in your Facebook feed.