feeling hollow and forlorn.
Food from the grocery store does not satisfy the soul. The soul needs spiritual food.
My behavior showed a total lack of self-control that brought nothing but dejection. I
hated myself. I adored the girls and knew I was a good mother. How could someone so
blessed be so destructive in her personal life?
I came up with a new set of reasons. Ones I used with great success to elicit
understanding, rather than criticism, from friends and family who fretted silently and with
carefully constructed verbal suggestions. For instance, I needed to be healthy and strong
to handle household chores; if I were thin; I wouldn’t have the needed stamina and would
be more prone to catching viral illnesses. Or, I subconsciously used my size as a shield
against any potential suitors; a plump body kept men at arm’s distance. After all, most
men, especially in Beverly Hills, preferred thin. Anyway, I wasn’t ready for another
relationship. My past ones had ended in failure.
At one particular Over-eater’s meeting, I was invited to a prayer group that met in
Westwood, California. It was there that I met a wonderful woman who was instrumental
in my eventual healing. Janet Levy. She had shared Catherine Ponder’s resounding
affirmation: “I have unshakeable faith in the perfect outcome of every situation in my
life, for God is in absolute control.” I loved this confirmation of faith and have used and
shared it often over the years. It became a declaration of my own unshakeable faith and
trust in God.
We ended the meeting with the Serenity Prayer, as in those of AA. Then Janet gave us
each a Miracle Card with the words I desire an image on the front. The card was blank on
the back. This small white paper card held some sort of metaphysical healing, because it
became my passport to a new beginning. I was intrigued and gave a lot of thought to my
desires. I settled on three: peace of mind, a slimmer body that suited my height and bone
structure, and a magnificent, love-filled marriage. At the time, each seemed far beyond
Another woman at the prayer meeting mentioned attending a study group at the
Science of Mind church located on La Cienega, very close to my home. I had walked past
or driven by it many times and not given it a second look, as the architecture was quite
unpretentious. I was surprised and pleased when I walked through the entrance and
caught my first glimpse of the stunning, stained-glass windows. Each one was like a
kaleidoscope that continuously transmitted patterns of muted colors on the interior of the
church. Needless to say, they spoke to my artistic nature and instantly produced a feeling
The study groups were in the evening, and after hiring the neighbor girl across the
street to stay with my daughters during my absence. Miyuki had to return back to Japan
they no longer needed fulltime now that they were in school, I started to attend one that
met once a week.
At first, all I heard were words, lots of words that were often difficult to comprehend.
It was comforting to me, however, to sit and relax. Nothing was required of me.
It wasn’t long before I felt my life changing in every realm.
There were about fifteen regular attendees in my particular group. a tapestry of people
who were as eager as I was to hear the speakers, Patricia and Alex Turnbull, a charming
couple who had been in the field of religious science for years and had once worked with
Ernest Holmes, the founder of the church. Patricia was a petite, soft-spoken woman with
meticulously manicured hair and nails; Alex was a distinguished-looking gentleman who
always dressed in a suit and tie. As I got to know them better, I would sometimes
fantasize about what it would be like to enjoy such a marriage. One of mutual respect and
support. One where my husband would be a kind and loving man.
The Turnbulls would read from the Science of Mind textbook and answer our
questions. We would all take notes. No one was ridiculed, judged, or made to feel less
important than the other despite our vast differences. We were told that the Science of
Mind “is not a special revelation of any individual; it is, rather, the culmination of all
revelations.” I didn’t understand this at all. Nothing made sense to me, but just sitting and
listening was comforting. At least for the time I spent there I wasn’t eating!
Then Patricia continued to read. “We take the Good wherever we find it, making it our
own in so far as we understand it. The realization that Good is Universal, and that as
much Good as any individual is able to incorporate in his life is his to use, is what
constitutes the Science of Mind and
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