understanding. That’s when I had an ”aha” moment. On our very next date, I approached
the subject hesitantly. “Alan, I think I know what you’ve been trying for weeks to tell me.
You . . . you like men. You know. In that way.”
The look on his face told me he was startled at my boldness and yet relieved. “Yes,
Carol,” he said, fighting for the right words. “You’re right. I have been struggling with the
urges for years and only a few people know this about me. It may seem as strange to you
81
as it does to me, but I have fallen in love with you and want very much to marry you, if
you’ll have me. I believe we have something quite special. We’re good for each other. I
enjoy being with you and talking with you. My life would seem empty without you in it.”
Still naïve about human behavior, those last few words lit up a very dark hole in my
soul. Alan was the total opposite of most young men in my dating circles. I rationalized
that if he were a latent homosexual and he
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