had decided to end our romance before it led to additional fatherhood. His decision not to
pick up the phone and speak with me was the best way to handle it.
Well, it would be another testing time for me. Would I go back to my destructive
behavior and find comfort in a tub of ice cream? No. I had learned how to handle my
insecurities and to find comfort through the inner Power of prayer and meditation.
I would continue to pray; only this time I would listen quietly for the reply. God
answered prayers, but in His own time and way, not mine. And if I were being honest,
what if what I was so sure I wanted wasn’t meant to be for an important reason?
The tears started anyway and would not stop. Yes, at the frightful thought of scrubbing
Ian from my life, my unshakeable faith faltered. It was still in its infancy, and I was still
struggling with the concept of selflessness. Like a child who wanted a cookie when
supper was only minutes away, I still wanted something representing “sweet love” to
provide comfort and be by my side always. Comfort my way. Not from God. Not from
my faith. From a man.
The thought of never seeing or hearing from Ian again continued to test my
relationship with God. I cried. A lot. I had a private pity party every night as yet another
day and then another passed by without the only call I wanted.
Then I heard that quiet voice speaking to me from deep within. No knee-jerk reactions
were appropriate. It was not up to me to make a decision for someone else. Ian could
make his own decisions. He wasn’t responsible for gifting me with happiness. Abraham
Lincoln had once said, “Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to
be.” Just as I had worked to change my diet, forgo sugar-laden food and treats and lose
the weight that had troubled me for so many years, I must finally come to another
understanding. Happiness comes from within. Through the right prayer requests, maybe I
could become happier with myself and with my life exactly as it was.
Only then. Maybe. Definitely. I would be ready to share my happiness with someone
as wonderful as Ian Hunter.
Frankly, I had no clear idea of what a typical work day entailed for him. No doubt a lot
of multitasking. Conferences. Scheduled and unscheduled meetings. Incoming and
outgoing phone calls all day long. The man had a thousand things on his mind and had
spent a week away from his responsibilities.
The hours and then days passed, minute by minute. I propped a framed copy of the
Catherine Ponder affirmation on my work desk: I have unshakeable faith in the Perfect
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