Authorpreneur Dashboard – Janice Elliott-Howard
How I Wish I Had My Mother - A Daughter's Story
Parenting & Relationships
This is a story of a woman missing the guidance, friendship and closeness of her mother. The mother lived a full life that was cut short by her bout with illness and it is not until years later that the daughter realizes that the best things that were about to happen to her are yet to come and her mother is no longer available to share these events with her and the pain of the loss is still evident. She tells tales of their relationship and how impactful it has been to shape her viewpoints and thought process. The story shows the daughters strength and resolve in a situation that she has no control over.
Book Bubbles from How I Wish I Had My Mother - A Daughter's Story
Same Feeling Different Day
As much as I would like to have changed the course of history, the point where I had a chance to turn a corner escapes me. It is very difficult to deal with an adult in a health crisis. They get to weigh in on the plans for themselves. With a child, you chart the course, you have total command and everything falls on you. With an adult, you have to abide by their wishes first and your gut second. You have to wait until it is clear as a bell that their decision-making process is flawed before you can override. There is no sense beating myself up about it. The ends do not justify the means and the means arrive at the devastating end.
Love Ya from a Distance
From time to time, we take our parent for granted. I have met many who cannot be in close quarters with their mothers for more than an hour without getting into an argument or storming out. We have to take them for who they are as people, not just a parent. The very thing that gets on your last nerve should be the one thing that you learned to ignore or dismiss because it is an integral part of their personality that you cannot change. Many tend to claim that they can love their mothers better with miles or even states between them.
Unfinished
We approach adulthood thinking that we know it all. This is common amongst young adults. Yet, we do not think of all the questions that need to be answered by our parents because we believe that we have a lifetime to reach milestones. Many of us are lucky enough to have the leisure to do so. While tons of us are not. Everything seems so unfair and unfinished when we happen to run out of time. All we can do is search the recesses of our mind. Asking ourselves questions. What would my mother have done when she got to this stage? What can I remember about her at this stage in her life? Why didn't I ask questions about the future when I had the chance? We tend to wrestle with the endless questions that we cannot answer.
Pieces
It is only because of the grace of God that we are able to forge ahead. Do you ever have that feeling that you are unable to continue, yet you do? There is some mysterious drive within you that gets you to the finish line every time. It’s the strength of an army when you are only one. We never question it even when we should. There is an invisible glue that holds all the pieces in place.
First Mate
God does not give us more than we can handle. It feels that way but it is far from the truth. You have to remain a soldier even when you don't want to be. The captain of my ship is sinking but I need direction that only the captain can give me.
Strike
There is no way I could be everything to everybody but I tried. Some days I feel like I failed. Some days I feel like I was put in a losing position. Other days I feel like maybe she was just tired of it all but didn’t know how to tell me. Then again, I knew that I was getting burnt out and could not depend on my siblings to pitch hit every time I needed to make to first base.
Become the Boss
At some point, I have to put my foot down. Damn her feelings about it. She is wrong and she knows it. The only reason she surrenders because she wants to protect the strangers in her life. Sure, I can be harsh but I’m not lethal. The perception that outside people have of her is more important. She sees it differently. Tough luck, she will tow the line because I want her to live.
Vanity
My mother has always been the type to take care of others. Sure, she has her moments when she is well put together and she knows it. This is the first time in my life that I recognize her vanity. Wow, she is really conceded even in the face of a health crisis, she's gotta have it going on. I could not even be mad. She was born beautiful and no one will rob her of it. Work it mommy.
Prohibited
There is only so much you can do when caring for your parents. You do not have the right to treat them as you would your child because they are the reason that you exist. However, staying by while they made poor decisions during a health crisis feels like having your hands tied behind your back.
Extension
This is the first time that I can put into words what my mother means to me. Sure, there has always been love and respect but now I understand the need like oxygen to keep her relevant. She is an extension of my progress and worth as I am her as she is me.
Searching for the Answer
I often wonder as days go by when was the point of inception. Hindsight is 20/20, if we could only pinpoint when something starts then we can have a better chance at controlling the outcome. At least, I would like to believe that to be true. Playing this portion over and over again in mind like a scene from the movie groundhogs day, I still cannot say for sure if this was the beginning of her end.
It's Hard to Tell
I cry everyday as I write. I don't know if this is good or bad because this story is hard to tell. I can't help but feel weak and fragile. This is a vulnerable time for me. All in all, I do feel stronger but this journey exposes the flaws in my armor to protect myself from the emotional roller coaster.
Numb to Everything
Most of what we learn comes from observation. I didn't grow up learning how to be empathetic so my interior was just as tough as my exterior. Unfortunately, that's what I knew so that is what my children learned from me.
Trust Is Earned
Often people believe that because you have a close relationship with someone that you are automatically taken into their trust. The mistake is that you have to earn the trust of an individual even if you are the child of that person. Once you make that leap then the bond changes to something deeper than just a kinship.
Connected
No matter how long a loved one is gone, you always wish for that connection. Sometimes you forget that it has been severed because it always feels like it was just yesterday that you had a conversation. The reality brings back the hurt.
Being A Grandmother
Parenting & Relationships
Becoming a grandmother is a wonderful thing if you are ready for it and even if you are not ready to be bestowed with the title. As a grandmother I found out that the job is harder than I imaged. The little people are challenging and competitive and the adult children are more troublesome now than when you raised them yourself. This is a learning lesson that most mothers learn at some point in their life time and its heartwarming and informative for grandmother’s to be. In these pages you can share my journey of the ups and downs of a grandmother and maybe if you are having these same issues you will feel better knowing that we all belong to a club and get the same pouts when we say no to something and use the same psychology when it’s time for bed.
Book Bubbles from Being A Grandmother
More than I bargained for
The moment I realized that child-rearing was something that I would do for my entire existence, I wanted to throw in the towel or wave a white flag of surrender. I have never been one who suffers from anxiety but it sure feels that way each day that I tackle the idiosyncrasies of three little people and their adult parents. Everyone is opinionated from age one to thirty-one. The pressure to perform mounts when all I want to do is dismiss them all. This journey that I am on is gratifying in that I know it is necessary for the future of my family to blossom. It escapes me at this moment of who coined the phrase but nothing worth having is easy and I am a living testament to this every day. The book is now completed, the pages are filled with occurrences of rage, anxiety, despair, love and triumph. It is my therapy to combat the ill feelings of being trapped and discarded while at the same time being loved and needed..
Don't talk about it be about it
There are plenty of absentee parents who take credit for the accolades that their children achieve. They talk a good game but don't put in the work. Hell, there are some grandparents who are judgmental but never want to be hands-on but always critical of outcomes. I believe you have to put up or shut up because actions speak louder than words.
My Way or Bust
Boy oh boy, the will of this little people takes me to the edge. She is so stubborn to the point of time out is not feasible. She's got enough hutzpah for the both of us.
I can do it Myself
Independence is the best way to describe how little people behave in our days. The time of help me, help me or I can't is a thing of the past. It is very rare to find a little people today who does not try to be self-sufficient. Hell, I welcome the help because I'm sure not going to get any from their parents.
Brave and Scared Simultanteously
As much as I want to turn a blind eye to responsibility, I can't because these little people are the future of my family. I can only hope that they never remember this trying time in their lives. Nothing that stability and love can't fix. It is just sad that you see things like this on the news every day and never image that it can happen to you. So I rise to the occasion with head held high, weak knees and praying for guidance.
His loss is my Win
I should have been more concerned with my son's torment over how his life was about to change. The crackle in his voice told me that he was scared but I totally ignored it. Instead I was rejoicing that I would not have to pay for college any longer. Hey, that's the one thing that I could control the rest was on them.
Watch Helplessly
There are days like this when it takes everything inside of you not to just scream at the top of your lungs "give me the babies." But you don't for fear that you may never see them again and true harm will come their way.
You can't handle the Truth
This new generation of children want the facts and nothing but the facts. Damn a theory, they want evidence. Funny, we never required evidence. I know that I am an intelligent human being but now I believe I evolved into my intellect. Kids today are born with their intellect and it only gets stronger with each passing day.
Worthless S.O.B.s
This is just a reflection of my frustration as I go through my day-to-day with my grandchildren. I'd like to think of myself as understanding but sometimes you have to call it as you see it.
On My Terms
These modern day grandmothers have the life that I wanted. They are fashionable, full of life, and youngish to take on the roles that their mothers once had. Yes, the new school grandmother is too crazy, sexy, and cool to be stuck with the day to day grind of having little people around them on a constant basis. I can't say that I blame them because they have all put in their time so grand parenting should feel like a vacation not work.
What Type of Grandmother are You?
I believe there are different types of grandmothers. There is the old school and new school. I fashion myself after the New school but sometimes I find myself behaving like the Old school grandmother. You'll have to wait for the book to see how I identify each school and maybe you'll agree.
This Phrase is Paramount
Not a day goes by that I do not get thrown under the bus for enforcing a rule or behavior with my little people. Often I get the stare down, the arm folding, and the occasional "I am not your friend Grammie." Oh I live for that moment because my response is usually "I don't care." This sends them into a rant. It bothers them to no end that I am not affected. However, I have learned that the phrase is very powerful in the circles of little people.
Being mean isn't always as it seems
I know that I am not alone when I say that I have no emotions when my grandchildren tell me that I'm mean. I'll admit the first time my grandson said it to me that I felt bad. No one wants to be labelled as the mean grandma. However, sometimes it is necessary, you let it roll off your back and do what's in the best interest of the little person in your life. Funny how I can be so mean and thirty seconds later I get "I love you Grammie." It all works out in the end.
Shattered
You cannot help but feel shattered when your children disappoint you. Your children are the only people that you feel you know like the back of your hand until you realize that they have become strangers to you right before your eyes.
Who are you again?
My first grandchild made me realize that I need to be closer. I thought visiting regularly would help but it only hurt my feelings when he treated me like a stranger. I want him to be happy to see me whenever he sees me. I know that it is turning into more about me then him. Relocation was the answer so I moved closer.
Bargain Time
Sometimes when I am with my grandchildren, I liken to spending a Saturday afternoon at the swamp meet trying to get a good bargain on something that I really don't need but would like to have if I can get it at a good price. Everything is bartering so that the little person can achieve his or her own way. Once again the master becomes the grasshopper and the grasshopper is the master.
Taken for the best
I could never understand why one parent would feel the need to take a child from the other, I understand why it happens now. Everyone wants the best for their children but not every parent is willing to do what it takes to provide it.
Don't Blame the Innocent
Often times when we as parents get tired of the bull that our adult kids exhibit, we have a bad habit of blaming it on the little people in our lives. We need to be steadfast and conscience of the fact that the little people don't ask to be here and cannot pick who becomes their parents. The one thing that I have learned as a grandmother is that you can't shun the grandchildren because your children turn out to be rotten nurturers.
Things in Common
It is always good to have a support system when you are going through something significant in your life. I have other grandmothers who are experiencing issues with children and grandchildren just like me. I am grateful to have them.
Take Offense or Take it in Stride
I use to be rough and tough when I was parenting my children. They got away with nothing and I wore that like a badge of honor. These days, I feel like either I've lost my spunk or I've just become a punk because often they side step my authority. Most days, it makes me mad and other days I just don't give them any energy.
Focus on the Positive
Little people tend to absorb all the wrong stuff first. They have their own views even at the tender age of three years old. It frustrates them to have to work hard at what they need to know. Everything that they don’t need to know seems to come to them almost as if they actually understand what they are mimicking. It uncanny how that happens.
Drafted
The one thing in your life that you cannot control no matter how much you try is when you will become a grandparent. We are not asked to enlist, we are all just drafted into the position. Funny thing is that we try to fight it at first and within a short time we all become proud soldiers reporting for duty.
Am I teaching or Learning?
Little people are so quick these days to grasp the things that are happening around them. I often ask myself am I the teacher or am I being taught? Sometimes I believe it's a bit of both. My little people fascinate me on many levels.
Why Grammie, Why?
Children's Books
Little Tommy is always getting into stuff that he does not understand and every time he gets verbally scolded he needs to know why. He spends a lot of time with his Grammie and she is charged with teaching him lessons. Sometimes he can learn and remember and sometimes he just does not get it. Other times he figures out a way to make the answers that he receives work to his advantage. Now the girls are getting in on the act. Little Tommy's sister Kailee and cousin Tamaya join the interrogation and the questions come fast and furiously as Grammie tries to give good answers.
Book Bubbles from Why Grammie, Why?
The girls get added
I originally wrote this book because of the closeness that I have with my grandson. Now, he has a sister and a little cousin. The girls are at the age he was when I first wrote this book. I am now experiencing a new version of interrogation, only this time, both my grandson and I get hammered by the two little beauties with all their inquisitiveness and candor.
Enjoy the coming, love the going
I get excited when I spend time with my grandchildren as every grandparent should. They give me a run for my money. It is non-stop questions. It is non-stop discovery. I feel like I have run a marathon. They keep my mind sharp. But I have to be honest, I am thrilled to wave the white flag and surrender when it comes time for them to go home.
Strategy is necessary
Everything with children should be a teachable moment. As adults we have to develop a strategy that will give the little person just cause to compile with your request. We must not reward for compliance but show them that compliance is a necessary evil in order to move forward. I always tell my grandson that he must learn to follow in order to be able to one day lead. I think he understand what I mean and if he doesn't I'll just keep drilling him until he does.
Give and Take
Sometimes all you need to do is compromise with little people and all things will go smoothly. If you make sense of things to them, they will accept it and be very cooperative.
Compliance is a Battle
I run into this problem at bed time with my grandchildren more often than not. They seem to believe that if they take time to rest that they will miss events. The kiddies are correct but usually it does not affect them so why should it matter. Why does night, night become a long drawn out salutation and not an action these days escapes me?
An Explanation is All That is Needed
If we take the time to explain the reasons for our actions and opinions little people can comprehend it.
Parents Need to Make Time
Toddlers need a lot of attention. These days parents are so busy trying to make a dollar and advance a career that they don't make time for the simple things that little people want to do. This is when Grammie has to step in and save the day. Oh and you better believe that parents really don't want to hear about how great Grammie is because it reminds them that they are falling short. No one wants to feel bad about trying to do better in life.
Kids Never Want to be Kids
Little Tommy wants to be helpful and independent. He studies your every move so that he can repeat it. All he wants is to be accepted and praised. That's all any little kids wants from an adult.
Animals That Live In The Ocean
Children's Books
This is a picture book for children of sea creatures on the ocean floor of the Caribbean.
Book Bubbles from Animals That Live In The Ocean
Spaghetti In The Sea
When I showed this picture to my grandson, he asked who put the spaghetti or should quote him and say "getti" on the rocks. I explained that this was a living, breathing type of fish for lack of a better way to share my experience with a three year old. He then proceeds to ask me to point out the eyes, ears and nose of which I could not accommodate. We both agreed that it was awesome to see such an animal.
Fish are Fascinating
On my trip to the Caribbean I went on an excursion to one of the underwater sight-seeing and came across some of the most exotic looking fish that I have ever seen. This particular fish looks like it has a human profile. My grandson gets a kick out of looking at the photos that I have taken so I decide why not put a few together as a picture book for little children.
The Adventures of John, James and Jack: Book One
Teens
Three tweens meet and form a friendship. The friendship grows over time and the three are destine to be linked for the rest of their lives. Each one has a different problem but oddly enough it’s the very thing that helps them build a lasting bond. We get to know the three main characters and how they become so important to one another. They redefine friendship from a tweens perspective that only they can understand. This is the beginning of the series that will take you on a journey of John, James and Jack from teenage to adulthood. Join me in getting to know them in this first installment.
Book Bubbles from The Adventures of John, James and Jack: Book One
Thankful Togetherness
We all must be thankful to have one another during this time of year and extend goodwill and kindness towards each other. Apple Blossom Village is prime example.
What's wrong with me?
No matter how comfortable you feel in the presence of someone does not mean that you know them. You can know a person your whole life or just for a fleeting moment and never really know everything about them.
We Made It
You can want something so bad that you nearly talk yourself out of it in order to shield yourself from disappointment. Then sometimes confidence is all you need to compliment your abilities and assure yourself that you can make it.
Coincidence
Sometimes people are drawn to one another and they have no earthly reason as to why the individual makes them feel comfortable. When you start to put the pieces together, it is likely that you share personality aspects that are not noticeable to the naked eye. After all, we are born with 99% of our personality. This is one thing that makes us all unique or could it be something that makes some of us more likely than others to be on one accord.
Born Leader
Most teenagers sit on the sideline and wait for someone else to rise to the occasion. Not John, he always wants to be the play maker and relishes the thought of being in charge.
Meet Jack - Believe In Me
Often times some kids just need to know that someone believes in them and is willing to fight for them. You would think that it's automatic but I think that is something we take for granted. Jack is blessed and lucky and his parent make him feel that way with each passing day but he worries about losing them.
Meet James
This character is elusive. He does not allow anyone in because the consequences might be more than he can bare. Staying outside and watching as the world goes by is an art and science for him. He participates from a far but never up close and personal out of fear. The question is why does he harbor fears of getting close to people.
Face the Fear
Things you can control should be handled. Things that are beyond your control you should not worry about. However, ignoring the obvious is a recipe for destruction.
Meet John
John is a tween who is just full of life and wonder. He possesses rare talents that are unmatched by anyone in his circle of friends. His mother believes that he is gifted but fears that the gifts could be a curse.
Meet Julius
Julius is the moral compass of the story. He is the little angel that sits on the shoulders of his younger brother whose mischief can endanger them all.
Change is Good
Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is to pick up and move to a new place that you have never experienced. It feeds your sense for adventure as well as validates your decision to evolve. A new location can be just the motivation to push yourself a little farther to grow as a person.
The Adventures of John, James and Jack: Book Two
Teens
The trio is moving onto high school. They are physically and mentally prepared for what is about to happen. Can they handle it emotionally?The journey continues for John, James and Jack as three become two. The new challenges that face them are the same as you and me. Will Jack forget the others? Can John cope with his secret? Is James ready to go it alone? The trio have decisions to make that could break the ties or tighten them. Can this cause trouble as they are all starting anew? Join me to find out.
Rough-Cut Book Bubbles from The Adventures of John, James and Jack: Book Two
I am not afraid
Growing up requires that you put on a brave face when you encounter something that you must tackle on your own. Sure you have the support of your family but it is up to you to take the journey. The duo recognize this and they fake confidence to mask the fear of failure and awkwardness.
Mourning before time
Dear Jack believes that his friendship with John and James will last a lifetime. Although, it seems short-lived. He feels like he is about to lose the one constant that he was able to secure. Jack has so much emotional baggage for such a young person. He carries it everywhere he goes as not to forget the disappointment that he has suffered. Is it possible that he can put it all behind him?
The Sprouting of Wings
Our trio make it through the school year, as if they didn't know, the trio would become a duo. Each have anxiety because of the unknown, yet none will ever admit it. Time to test the waters and start again in unfamiliar territory.
Communications Through a Fence
Parenting & Relationships
A young mother makes bad decisions that affect the welfare of her children. They are too young to understand why mommy behaves the way that she does. All they know is that nothing in their life is constant except disappointment. The parents do not feel remorse until their way of life is compromised. These conversations are all that the children have to keep the connection with their mother at the top of their little minds. It is like she toss them away, never to be seen by them again. You feel their anger, pain, and disbelief that this is what their life has become. Will they forgive her transgressions? Can they love her unconditionally again? Join me to find out.
Book Bubbles from Communications Through a Fence
Missing Plot
Confusion, disbelief, and over-active imagination plague the thoughts of these children as they do not know what to make of this new arrangements that has their mom in one location while they are in another without physical contact.As if somehow the story is missing a segment that gives the explanation as well as shows the outcome.
No Exchange
Reciprocation is something as human beings we expect but it is not always given. My grandbabies give love and yearn for it in return. Sure they get it from me but it is not mutual when it comes to others that they cherish. It is a bitter pill to swallow when you know that they deserve so much more than they are receiving for the ones closest to them.
Proceed with Caution
Don’t ever believe that small children are not thinking about consequences. Children who are caught in the crossfire of consistent change are on guard all the time. They have to be but that does not make it right. Toddlers need to be carefree not concern about survival or where they will wake up the next day. Unfortunately, this is becoming the plight of more and more children each and every day. I only hope that they each have someone to come to the rescue because most are too young to save themselves.
Pain speaks volumes without words
Children wear their feelings. Sure, they can express sadness. However, young children are not able to articulate the specifics of what aches them. They know but cannot express why the overwhelming feeling of loss and despair takes over.
Rushing In
Why are young people in such a rush to grow up and take on grow up responsibilities? All young people want what they see in the movies. However, the mates that they fancy, usually are not who they image. They spend more time looking for the romantic happy ending that they see in the movies. They often find themselves bound to another person for the rest of their days because they were so quick to rush into a relationship.
Attention or Love
I wish I could wrap my head around why women find themselves in relationships that are destructive in nature. When a child can tell you that this is bad and they are still learning, then it must be. Is it acceptance that these women desire? Growing up, I was taught self-worth from my parents. I think that young women and older women who wind up in these life-changing relationships were not taught how to love themselves and this leaves them subject to confusing attention for love and devotion. They still miss the point that their children suffer for it.
Blind to the damage
I have never met a mother who was so disconnected from her children without having some type of substance issue be it alcohol or drugs. She is not in touch with what it is to really be a mother to youngsters. I have to believe that she is convinced that she is doing the best that she can. Yet, her best is less than they deserve.
Getting to the otherside
My grandchildren are slowing learning that trust should not be expected but earned. Their mother is learning that she has a long road to gain their complete confidence. It is a slow process but we are all hoping to be happy again.
Can't deny the truth
This is an experience that I wish on no one. Especially not the millions of children who find themselves in this exact same situation through no fault of their own with each passing day. A support system is very necessary. Showing love and affection is paramount. In secret, I cry for their loss. In public, I celebrate their courage. Together, we take it one day at a time.
The Confidant Tells
Literature & Fiction
A friend who is burdened with everyone's secrets and no outlet of her own until now. She passes the batton to you as a way of relieving the pressure of the burden she bares for the sake of her friendships. The book contains three short stories about friendships, relationships, love and deception and how the characters handle each situation while having one link to connect them all in the story teller.
Book Bubbles from The Confidant Tells
Going through the motions
When your relationship becomes robotic, should you stick with it? I think you should bailout when you know in your heart that you can no longer make the other person happy. Better still that you are not happy in the situation. Why go through life being miserable? Some do out of duty and I think that is just the fear of starting over.
Trying not to Judge
A real friend will tell you when you are making a mistake whether you like it or not. The trick is to be able to shield yourself from the backlash because we all know that the truth hurts and those same friends will lash out at you. Can you be helpful without being hurtful? Sometimes the help and the hurt go hand in hand.
Time Is Something You Can't Get Back
This couple are childhood sweethearts and spend their whole adult lives together. Every relationship goes through their up and downs. The key is to have the good times outweigh the bad. If you are lucky it will and if you are not, what would be your remedy?
From Last to First
Every woman who gets involved in an unsavory relationship wants to be the one and only. Each day longing to be the true love and the soulmate to their love interest. Rarely can you can go from last to first. In some instances the mistress does become the wife but at what cost?
Little Girls Fantasy
Everyone little girl dreams of her knight in shining armor. The truth is there are no knights in shining armor to carry you off to a castle to live happily ever after. Sure you can get close but never quite achieve what little girls read in fairy tales. It's a fantasy that we do not awaken from until we hit thirty-years-old and realize this is what I get and I was robbed or at least that's what we believe. Women measure love, devotion, and affection based on the fantasy.
Trying to Fit
Moving to a new place is an adjustment. I think it is harder for adults that it is for children. You feel withdrawn but at ease when you are accepted. Then your suspicions kick in as to why you are welcomed. Is everyone being sincere or is there an ulterior motive?
Test of Friendship
What determines who you call friend? Is this person someone that you trust, can help you out in a pinch, or is willing to put up with you when your own mate will not? Is there different levels of friendship? Will you go to bat for your friends or will you stand back and watch them flounder. A true friend tells you the truth when no one else will even if it means the relationship will be damaged. A true friend will allow you to have your tantrum because he/she knows you'll be back because they know that you still care. How many true friends do we really get in a lifetime? I think they can be counted on one hand.
Living In A Fantasy
How do you help someone who does not appear to need or want your help? It has been said that most women want a project in a relationship. They do not seem to feel complete unless they are coming to the rescue of the love interest in their life to validate the emotional tie in the relationship. Or is it just a need to control the desired outcome for the situation?
It is Your Choice or Are You Chosen?
The people who become important to you are persons that you allow to be close to you or is it fate that your paths cross, commonality ensues and friendships are born.
Is It Really Over?
This is a moment in time and this too shall pass or will it? A relationship should not be the determining factor as to whether or not we as adults have a successful and meaning life or is it?
Desperate Act or Revenge
Is this an act of desperation to hold onto a man or is it revenge from a woman scorned?
