Postcards From the Future

“When I grow up I’m going to be a veterinarian. Our teacher, Mrs. Jankowski, showed us this holodocumentary about elephants and how they’re only alive in zoos now, but only Asian elephants. African elephants are extinct. There used to be hundreds of thousands of them in Africa, and at one time, probably even millions, but now they’re all gone. It’s so sad and we cried when it got to the part of these poachers shooting them. I could never imagine killing an elephant or any animal for that matter – but I could totally kill a poacher. I’m not kidding.

            When I w as little, my dad took me to this restaurant that had all these dead animal heads mounted on the walls, like deer, elk, and a moose – and there were all these chandeliers made out of antlers too. In the corner there was a giant, stuffed grizzly bear standing on his hind legs posed like it was attacking. It was huge. It must’ve been ten feet tall. I just stared at it and wondered what it must’ve been like when it was alive. I felt so bad for it, and in case you didn’t know, they’re extinct too – grizzlies. Grizzlies and polar bears – gone!

            We were sitting at our table and this really old guy, the owner, comes up, and I asked him who killed all the animals. He said that he’d shot a few, and that his friends and family had shot some of the others. I asked him about the grizzly and he told me that his great-grandfather shot it over a hundred years ago. I got in big trouble when I said I wished the grizzly had killed him instead, but I didn’t care. I’d never eat in a place like that. My dad should have known, but he was so clueless. He should have known better than to take me there. 

            He died a couple weeks ago in our garage when a big shelving unit fell on him. He was a meat eater. He had it coming.”