As if in a dream, I heard the Captain finish speaking and wait for my response. Carefully I laid my ceremonial weapons in front of me and spoke my intent to honour the tradition of seppuku. I waited eagerly for permission to carry out the quick release. He was so incensed I expected quick acquiescence. It did not come, however.
The Captain’s incredulous reaction shocked me back to reality. We do not live in ancient Japan, in the time of the Samurai. We live on a medical ship full of doctors, including psychiatrists, as the Captain made clear. I was sentenced to live, to battle eyes beating at my brain. I must kishi kaisei; to pull away from death and truly walk amongst the living.
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