“Well, Allontis, I have Mrs. Houston’s full report here. I’m afraid she outlined some, um, concerns.”

Kelly Shaw, the woman sitting across the desk, gave a restrained smile. Moments earlier, Allontis Baxter had walked in through the doors of Virginia’s Alexandria Department of Family Services as she had done so many times before, smiling and greeting the familiar faces of workers, feeling sure this was the last time she’d have to make a visit. Prior to taking a seat in front of Kelly Shaw, licensed clinical social worker, she’d sensed an impending reprieve from the turmoil of her personal life. For once, she felt totally in control of the very issue that had her meeting with Ms. Shaw on and off for the last several months. With Kelly’s latest comments, however, doubt immediately entered Allontis’s hopeful spirit.

Prior to her arrival, she had been so excited. She couldn’t believe this aspect of her life, a family of her own was finally moving forward despite the stagnancy and depressed course it had taken in recent months. She couldn’t wait to bestow all her love and energy on some little boy or girl—her future son or daughter. Unfortunately, she had to go through the woman sitting in front of her to do so. Despite the optimism she had felt over the last few weeks, it was beginning to seem as if this particular dream, like so many of the others she had dreamed over the years, wouldn’t come true either.

“Now Allontis, how about we back up a minute? I mean, how are you?

How have you been?”

Thankful for the opportunity to collect the downturn of her thoughts, Allontis smiled back as warmly as she could before saying, “I’m doing fine. And you?”

Kelly simply nodded and cast her eyes down on the stack of papers in front of her. She looked up again.

“How’s, uh, Momma G doing?”

“Kelly,” Allontis warned. She tried to shrug off her uneasiness, but it wasn’t as if Kelly didn’t know how her friend and mother figure was faring. They both knew Momma G’s health was deteriorating rapidly. She counted to ten before saying, “Momma G is, uh, managing, considering. Thank you for asking,” she added politely.

Kelly pushed the papers aside and leaned back in her chair, rocking slightly. She clasped her hands in front of her.

Allontis looked away for a moment, trying to pretend Kelly’s earlier words expressing her concern hadn’t been uttered.

Kelly crossed her legs in a relaxed, almost amused state while Allontis planted her feet firmly on the floor, tapping one of them and ready to defend herself. She wasn’t on the defensive yet, but she was nervous about Kelly’s words: her “‘concerns’,” as she put it. Although Allontis wanted to believe it was solely her imagination, she sensed the woman before her was scrutinizing and judging her more closely than usual. She smiled tightly and stretched her neck to ease the mounting tension.

“Well, all right. What is it exactly you’re concerned about, Kelly?”

Allontis crossed her legs, moved back in her chair and tried to keep the terseness out of her voice. She didn’t think she had succeeded when she heard herself speak: “Up until now, you’ve been saying everything seemed in order. I don’t know what more I can do to show your team I’m ready to be a mother.”

Kelly nodded. “Oh, you’re absolutely right, Allontis. Everything you’ve done, you’ve done quickly and with the utmost patience: filled out the forms, attended classes to learn all you can about being an adoptive parent. Your behavior has been exemplary of someone who has been patiently waiting to adopt one of the precious children in our foster system. There’s been no complaint through the pre-placement inquiries and home visits either. However, we have to evaluate you as a prospective adoptive family because you also recently informed me that Deon Parker will no longer be joining you in this endeavor since you called off the wedding. Children will require your full attention, and you must know that adopting as a single parent takes a great deal of work.”

Allontis nodded. Her patience was virtually down to zero with Kelly’s monologue, despite all the accolades and commendations for her model behavior. Allontis wondered whether her impatience might suddenly count against her if she chose to break down and ask Kelly to get on with disclosing the decision she and the rest of the Child Protection Services office peers had made. In her heart of hearts, she tried to believe that everything would still be okay with her dream of adopting a child, but she felt that letting Deon go had just been another mark against her character with the potential to ruin her chances of starting a family and moving on with her life.

Still, in her heart, she knew it was Deon who had sabotaged her. Now, evidently, he had found a way to take away the very thing that meant the most to her.

Allontis would admit for a split second she had thought about lying: faking a blissful relationship together with Deon long enough to get her child and then dropping him like a hot potato, but because she and Deon would never be together, she knew there was no use in faking, even for just a few more months. She couldn’t lie to the agency, no matter how much sense it seemed to make.

Ultimately, Allontis was glad she’d done things as she had. All she truly wanted was the opportunity to be a mother to any child that needed her.

Allontis shook her head in frustration, but stopped when Kelly looked up at her. No one could possibly think a chaotic home with two parents was better than a happy and well-adjusted single parent in this day and age—and if anyone did, how backward and narrow-minded the people in this particular department were being. Bringing a vulnerable child into her previous situation, with her and Deon fighting all the time was surely a much less desirable scenario than the confident, successful, single and happy person she had become without his constant drain on her spirit and her life. Financially she didn’t need him, she made an honest living and did fine in that department. Emotionally, she wanted his support, but this was not forthcoming from his constant screaming at her, his name-calling and certainly not his thievery. Fighting the self-doubt in her mind, she wouldn’t give up. She wanted a family and something was amiss. While hostility wasn’t the best route, she had every right to be on the defensive. She had to find out what was really going on.

Because her mind was conjuring up the worst, Allontis spoke up quickly, almost accusing the woman across the desk, whom she had always considered to be her friend.

“I thought you said it wouldn’t matter whether I was single or not? Deon hasn’t been present at more than half of our meetings, Kelly. He hasn’t even proposed to me properly,” Allontis said disgustedly, thinking about how he’d told everyone including his brothers the two of them were getting married, but he had never produced a ring or even the standard question asking for her hand in marriage. “We hadn’t discussed marriage any further.” We haven’t discussed it much at all, her mind interjected. “He has admitted to me time and time again that he does not want children.”

For Allontis, that had been the very last straw. Forget every other horrific thing he had done to her. The bottom line was that he didn’t want children, and she did. She looked back up at Kelly. “You assured me my relationship—or lack thereof—had no bearing on this...” Allontis waved her hands about the space. Her foot was silently tapping harder on the carpet. She uncrossed her legs and leaned forward in her chair.

“And it doesn’t, Allontis.” Kelly looked up from her desk intently.

“Then what’s the reason?” Allontis shook her head and moved irritably to the edge of her seat.

“Well, a couple of things. When I ask you about Momma G, you refuse to discuss her.”

“She’s dying, Kelly! The woman is dying—what can I possibly say? Her days are numbered.”

Allontis looked off into space. She desperately wished Momma G was there with her now, but that wasn’t possible. Deep in her heart, she knew this particular season was over, no matter what else she had to say. She was suddenly feeling her newfound progress come to a halt.

“I know she’s dying, Allontis. Don’t act like I’m insensitive,” Kelly replied indignantly. “What I’m saying is that you refuse to talk about it. She’s like a mother to you, and I can’t help but feel as though your closing up could later result in some kind of lashing out.”

“What?” Allontis replied, confused. When in the world had she been labeled as some kind of cantankerous woman on the loose who was prone to lashing out at people?

“Also, Allontis, Deon called me. He...he said that lately you seem combative— unhappy. One minute you’re getting married, the next you’re not. Deon says he has tried everything with you, but that you’re just so against him, against the world.”

“What does that have to do with granting me the go-ahead with child placement, or declaring that I’m suitable to be a parent?”

Allontis couldn’t believe they were discussing Deon at all. He was so far from her mind that the only remnant of him was the debt he’d created in her name: his financial and emotional chaos left for her to straighten out. Certainly, no trace of him had been seen in ages, not even to visit his own dying mother in the hospital. As if she’d been physically shaken, Allontis sat up straighter, realizing that Deon’s lying, obviously as a result of his anger at the end of their relationship, had ruined everything for her. Ultimately, he was setting out to make her life as miserable as his own. “Deon would say...anything to sabotage me! I dumped him!”

“Well, with Momma G’s illness, he’s expressed that you are somewhat irritable—crying fits and extreme anger. He also mentioned that you recently started taking medication.”

“Someone I love is dying, Kelly and...and...” She stammered, not believing he’d reported something that was normally so trivial but in the agency’s eyes would certainly be huge, just to get back at her. She knew he was vindictive, but to this magnitude it was unbelievable.

“I have taken an over-the-counter sleeping aid,” she replied. Which didn’t work, she added silently, before continuing, “I love Momma G like she’s my own mother. Through this entire ordeal I’ve come to understand what kind of person Deon is...”

“She is his mother you know,” Kelly reminded her.

“His adoptive mother,” Allontis corrected tightly. “They are not close— you know this.”

“Did you ever consider that your take-charge attitude prohibits him from stepping in and being or feeling as if he’s any good? Feeling as if he’s useful?” Kelly retorted nastily.

“What?” Allontis shook her head incredulously. Somehow she’d stepped away from the adoption review process and into a trial about Deon Parker’s personal character. No one knew Deon Parker like Allontis, and some of the things she had found out about him would make even Kelly, who seemed to have suddenly become his personal advocate, cringe and change her mind. Confused by all that had been said and by Kelly’s surprising new take on Deon, she had to steer the conversation back on track somehow. “How did this get to be about Deon, Kelly? Your work is with me, not him.”

“I’m just saying the best possible home is with two parents.”

“How can you say that? You had a single mother yourself. I can be a good parent by myself—millions of men and women do it. Your reasoning is...unreasonable.”

Allontis took a deep breath and told herself once more that the meeting was over. The social worker looked on, and Allontis could tell she had nothing more to say. Ultimately, it was Kelly Shaw’s decision.

Blood rushed through Allontis’s veins at the thought of the venom she’d unleash on Deon when she saw him. She was truly speechless at the recent tilt of this conversation and the terrible turn it had taken. He didn’t want kids, and he knew how important it was to her to someday be a mother. His sabotage was her comeuppance for dumping him, but something else was going on. To him, everything in life was like a game, and he was ensuring she lost, no matter how much it mattered to her. He didn’t care about anyone. Even swindling all of her savings couldn’t compare with this most recent jab. She was only now realizing just how vindictive he could be.

“Oh well, never mind,” Kelly went on, as if everything had been settled.

She picked up a stack of papers and tapped them lightly against the desk to even the edges before putting them down again. “With time, Allontis, we can reassess the physical and emotional environment of your home into which we will place a child. Despite the series of interviews with Sally Houston, who has said nothing but glowing things and found your home in proper order with all safety concerns addressed, the department thinks...we believe that the environment is rather charged with negativity and high emotion. A child will only add stress. You should consider the added pressure he or she will bring if Momma G passes and assess your ability to cope with that, too.”

Allontis stood and approached the desk desperately, lowering herself to stare Kelly in the face. “Please spare me, Kelly,” she said dejectedly. She realized belatedly that this move of standing up, lunging forward and placing her palms flat on Kelly’s mahogany desk most likely wasn’t the best way to show she was doing well emotionally. Holding her tears in check, she bristled, feeling the bitter bile from Deon’s double-crossing behavior rise in the back of her throat. His sabotage was incomprehensible, unforgivable, and totally selfish —and all to get back at her, to ruin her life. Her heart felt bruised.

Tightly, she smiled, straightened, and turned around to face the seat she’d vacated. She had no idea what to do. She bent for a moment, reaching for her bag and heavy winter-white coat, clutching everything to her chest. As if the about-face maneuver had allowed her a moment to compose herself in relative privacy, she turned back around and murmured, “How long do you think I need to address the so-called issues you and Deon believe that I have?”

“I think that a year would be—”

“A year? Kelly, be reasonable,” she said incredulously.

“I am being reasonable, Allontis. A year is enough time for...well, perhaps you and Deon may figure out your differences and reconcile.”

“Thank you.” Allontis didn’t need to hear anything further. On leaden legs, she crossed the room and managed to walk out the door, emotionally defeated.