For better or worse, adults constantly influence the self-esteem of children—whether they realize it or not—whether they intend it or not. The words they use fall into four basic types of responses. Nurturing and Structuring responses increase self-esteem; Marshmallowing and Criticizing responses tear it down.2 Let’s play a game and see if you can tell the difference. Which response is which?
Twelve-year-old Jennie says, “I want to sleep at Janet’s tonight. Her parents won’t be there, but her sixteen-year-old brother will.” Her parents might say:
Judith says, “My husband is away on business, and the baby is driving me up the wall.” Her friend might say,
Eight-year-old Ryan won’t clean his room, and says, “I hate you, Mom.” His mother could respond:
Did you guess which was which? I bet you did. Let’s take a closer look.
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