PC Lake was a local police officer and we had heard that he was a little too friendly with Smiles. Lake had no idea who Eric and I were.
The unmistakable uniformed figure of PC Lake loomed large in the front door of the pub. It wasn’t so much what he said, it was the way he said it. It raised my hackles.
“You lot. Out!” boomed PC Lake’s command.
“Fuck off!” I boomed back.
“Be gone by the time I come back,” he added before turning on his heels and walking off into the damp, dark night.
A silence followed Lake’s rude interruption and my response. Gales of laughter broke the silence. Smiles, Happy and Buzz were loving it.
There were still several drinks on our table some twenty minutes later. The air was once more penetrated with the same booming police command.
“I told you lot to be gone,” Lake now had his truncheon drawn and hammered it on the serving bar top twice in succession. Thump! Thump! He stood there tapping the business end of the truncheon into the palm of his empty hand.
“And I told you to fuck off!” I responded. Lake was provoking me by his unnecessary demeanour.
Lake’s jaw dropped for a moment. I guess no one had ever spoken to him in that manner during the whole of his police service.
I sensed hesitation on his part.
I was so far gone in drink and in my role, I did not consider backing down. If anything, I wanted it to escalate. I tried my best to do that.
“Come near me or my drink and I will ram that fucking stick up your shitty arse.”
Lake spluttered, “What did you say?”
“Fuck off out of my sight now or I’ll fucking kill you. You cunt!”
Lake left, much to my initial surprise. Within a few moments, it dawned on me why he did leave following my threat. I meant it. I was so in the moment of living the lie. I also knew that I had a literal get out of jail card. I was willing to risk an arrest for assault on Lake. I could use the ploy of contacting the senior officer without destroying our cover. I doubt that card would have exonerated me from all the consequences if I had seriously injured him.
Smiles and Eric took hold of my arms.
“Look, we’ve had fun but we need to go,” Smiles counselled.
Drunk as I was, I recognised the wisdom of those words. It also gave me an honourable retreat without losing face.
As we left the pub, Lake was stood about 20 yards away. Once more, he was tapping his truncheon in the palm of his hand. I gained the impression that this business wasn’t over yet.
PC Lake started to walk toward us. Happy was the first to run. Like lemmings approaching the cliff, we followed suit.
Fortunately, Lake’s athleticism had long gone. It had probably disappeared with his youth. Following Happy, we made it to the sanctuary of his home. We stayed motionless for some time in the darkness of the house. Satisfied Lake had not followed us, we all roared with laughter.
Smiles turned to me, grinning: “Cop killer!”
That became my name in Llanddewi B
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