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Dear Diary,

Hot flash news flash: They’re tapering off! (Despite recurrence under smoldering glance of Damon Perrera.)

Remedies tried to date:

HYPNOSIS/GUIDED IMAGERY. I did get “very sleepy.” Attempted to descend mossy cool steps and float out on mountain lake to lower core body temperature. Very pleasant until I ignited into a floating pyre. Picturesque.

PROGRESSIVE RELAXATION. Tighten and release muscles from head to toes. Try to continue while pulling off clothes and fanning self.

DEEP BREATHING. Good for the lungs, at least.

WILD YAM CRÈME. “Natural” building blocks for lagging hormone production. Still lagging? Try leftover goo on Thanksgiving leftovers?

NATUROPATHIC SUPPLEMENTS. Black Cohosh, Dong Quai, Super Bs, Cramp Bark, Valerian Root. Excellent for reducing bank balance.

GODDESS ENERGY, TAKE TWO. Crystal summons healing spirits with rattles. Use half-empty supplement bottles?

PAST-LIFE REGRESSION. Crystal’s friend Mary swears by Raven Skywalker. Took her back to former life as a witch during the “burning days.” She screamed through burning at the stake, and after that the flashes went away. How desperate am I?

ACUPUNCTURE AND LOW-DOSE ESTROGENE CREME. Halleleuia!

My doc agreed that a low-dose estrogen creme was a sensible trial, and of course we’ll keep an eye on the risk of cancer recurrence. But given all my lost sleep, the nausea, etc., etc., we have to consider my overall health. Thank you! Down from peak 2 or 3 flashes per hour to 1 or 2 a day, usually not rip-off-the-clothes variety. (Saving that activity—wishful thinking?—for Newman.)

Questions: Does using needles make me an addict? Should I stick needles in a Newman voodoo doll? He finally called to say he couldn’t get away for a hike this week, after all, and he was on “Dad duty” for the weekend. How long am I supposed to be on hold?

So I called Damon to agree to that Friday hike! Hoo, boy….