The Cardinal and the Crook

John walked Danielle to her car and told her, “I’m so happy you came. You were a big hit.”

Danielle smiled at John and told him that she was also glad she had come. She went on to say, “You know, this has been a very special day for me, John. It was so easy talking with you during our hike today. I shared a lot of stuff that has been bottled up inside of me. It felt like a giant weight was lifted off my shoulders. Then, to meet your wonderful father and be treated to an outstanding dinner by Father Jason—what an extraordinary day! I really enjoyed myself. Thank you so very much for inviting me. Let’s stay in touch.” She then kissed him on the cheek and gave him a warm hug.

They did stay in touch over the next year. Anytime John had a long weekend or a day off, the two of them would meet. Sometimes, she would stop in Boston on her way to visit her family in New Hampshire. When they didn’t see each other, they would talk over the phone. Danielle teasingly nicknamed him “Sir John  Falstaff” or simply “Falstaff” from Shakespeare’s Henry  IV. This was in reference to how they’d first met because Falstaff also had a habit of falling down in Shakespeare’s play. He began calling her “the Belle  of Amherst” from the play of the same name by Willi am Luce about Emily  Dickinson. John thought this nickname was appropriate, given that she taught English literature at Amherst College.

John had never felt this way with a woman before. He thoroughly enjoyed his time with Danielle and thought of her often. Anytime something special happened, he immediately wanted to share it with her. They clearly had developed a strong friendship, and after several months, John couldn’t help but speculate if it was destined to be more than that. He wondered if this could be love. He would soon be ordained into the transitional deacon’s role, which occurred one year before ordination to the priesthood.

He was feeling extremely confused and decided to speak to Father Jason. Father Jason listened as John explained how he was feeling about Danielle.

“I’ve been with other women, but I’ve never felt this way before. I find myself thinking of her in the middle of classes. I look forward to talking with her . . . seeing her . . . just being with her. I’m torn between being a priest and spending the rest of my life with Danielle. I don’t know what to do.”

“Johnny, I can see you are struggling with several emotions. It’s understandable that you have strong feelings toward Danielle. She’s a lovely and bright young woman. The positive attraction between the two of you was obvious the first time we met her. Recall that conversation Father Pat and I had with you during your final year of college. We said to you then that it was important for you to experience the real world before you went into the seminary. Well, your feelings for Danielle are another part of experiencing the real world. And remember, you are not committed to the life and work of a priest until you take your final vows and are ordained.”

Father Jason stopped for a moment to let John absorb what he had just said. Then he continued, “I suggest you spend time alone at the chapel, praying to God for guidance and discernment. Trust that the Lord will guide you in the right decision. And, Johnny, whatever you decide . . . know that it will be all right with Father Pat and me.”

John thanked Jason for his wise advice, and over the next few weeks, he spent every free moment at the seminary chapel, praying and asking God to give him a sign. It was a Thursday afternoon when John received a phone call from Danielle.