The Cardinal and the Crook

Initially, his instructors had been understanding and tolerant. They knew he needed time to mourn and then move forward, but after more than a month, they’d become concerned enough to raise the issue with Monsignor Mike. The monsignor had also observed the changes in John, but he had chosen not to say or do anything sooner. Now he knew that it was time to take action.

Two days later, John was told to report to the monsignor’s office. He wasn’t sure what to expect when he knocked on the door. The monsignor had decided it was time for some tough love. So, when he heard John’s knock, he got up from his desk, opened the door, and told John to have a seat. Rather than sitting down himself, the monsignor stood over John, placed his hands on his hips, and simply stared at him for what seemed like several minutes. And then he spoke to John in a serious and brutal tone. “So . . . you think you are good enough to be a priest, huh?” John wasn’t sure where this was going, and the monsignor did not give him a chance to respond. “Well, I certainly don’t think so! You are completely behind in your studies. I’ve watched you at services, and you don’t even know what you’re doing. You’re never going to make it! What a waste . . . a terrible waste! You might as well quit now because you’re never going to be a priest.”

That’s when the volcano finally erupted. All of the emotion he had been holding inside since that tragic morning exploded to the surface. John sprung up from the chair with such force that it fell backward, and he shouted at the monsignor, “Why, you miserable son of a bitch! You heartless bastard . . . You can’t even imagine what I’ve been through, what I’m feeling!”

All the anger, pain, and emotion of being a victim finally rushed out of him. He seriously considered grabbing the monsignor by the throat and throwing him up against the wall. At that very moment, two things happened. First, an image of his brother flashed in his mind. His twin was smirking and giving him one of those looks that implied, Relax . . . Calm down . . . It’s going to be all right. Second, rather than responding in anger, this towering figure—who actually did look and sound like John Wayne—spoke in a mild and soothing voice.

“Well, it’s about time, John. Let it out, son. Let it all out. If you don’t let that emotion out of your system, it will kill you! It’s like a poison that destroys you from within. It’s an anchor that is just going to weigh you down and prevent you from moving forward. You have to let it go!”

The monsignor looked at John with obvious empathy and concern before continuing, “You are absolutely correct—I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult, how gut-wrenching it was for you to lose your brother in such a violent and senseless way. You have every right to be angry, upset, hurt . . . It’s normal to feel the way you’re feeling, but you have to make a choice! No one can make this choice except you. You can either remain stuck in this sorrowful state, or you can move forward with your life. John, the choice is up to you. Losing your brother, especially under such tragic circumstances, was horrible. You loved your brother with all your heart, and I’m sure he loved you as well. That love will never die! It lasts forever! He will always be alive in your heart. Think of what he would want you to do with the rest of your life.”

Tears were streaming down his face as John listened to what Monsignor Mike said. They were practically the same words from the last night with his brother. At that moment, the young man fell to his knees and began crying uncontrollably. The monsignor reached down and pulled him up. He wrapped his broad arms around John and let him just cry it all out.

From that moment on, John was committed to moving forward. He realized that the pain of losing his brother would always be with him—but more importantly, the love that they had for each other would keep his brother alive in his heart. Rather than letting the pain be an anchor that held him back, he decided to let the love for his brother be the sail that moved him forward.