THE HAPPY HAT

Skagan called the Nurses Station on G-3. The corpsman answered. “G-3 Hospital Corpsman Perkins speaking.”

“Perkins this is LCDR Skagan. Today’s Friday. I want the week’s cast removal summation and I want to inspect the disposal containers. I’ll be down there in 15-minutes.”

“Yes ma’am.” Perkins stood up with an adrenalin pulse.

“And Perkins I’ll be making quick rounds with you to check and inspect the new casts on the patients who molted their Nam plaster last week.” Skagan slammed down the phone. Occasionally an original Nam cast patient slipped through the system. If she didn’t make rounds to focus on it herself the corpsman might remove the cast and get the ward GMO to put a new one on. The old one would not be disposed of per the proper protocol. She looked at herself in the mirror.

Skagan loved the Navy. She loved the crisp nurse’s officer uniform. She loved cleanliness and she hated filth. Nothing was filthier than the smelly stained plaster casts the ortho patients arrived with at Queens Naval Hospital.

She also disliked her first name and most men. “Philomena” was her mother’s idea. It was her grandmother’s first name as her mother frequently reminded her.

“Phil dear, your name guarantees us a big bite of grandma’s estate and money when she dies. Her will specifies your inheritance is contingent with passing on her memory with your name.” Mrs. Skagan had a perpetual smile with pinpoint cheek dimples at her then pre-teen daughter.

“Phil is a boy’s name and Philomena sounds so priggish. The girls at school make fun of it all the time. Only my best friend calls me Phil. Some of the boys call me ‘Mena’.”

“Just ignore them my dear. When grandma dies you’ll be well off and they won’t. It’s money and property that count in this life.” She smoothed Skagan’s shiny light brown hair.

High school was a little different. She had blossomed into an attractive teenager with an ample bosom and cute figure. According to her girl friends it was “tits and ass” that mattered and if you had a good set on your chest and a cute bottom with a pretty face the boys would overlook your 5-foot shortness. And it was true. As a teenager everyone called her Phil and not Mena. She decided that the boys who were worth anything were those who looked at her face and made eye contact and not tit contact when they first greeted her. She became infatuated with one boy in particular.

“Phil will you go to the Junior Prom with me?” Claude Remick was a track star. He had dated Skagan several times and they had frequent study dates. After Prom night they now almost always held hands and a parting kiss was now a routine.

Mrs. Skagan scrutinized her dating and didn’t approve of a steady boyfriend. “You remember what your father said. Watch out for those boys. They just want your body. He should know he’s been in the Navy all his life.”

Captain Morton Skagan was the commanding officer of a nuclear submarine. His presence at home was mostly in the form of quotations from Mrs. Skagan. Captain Skagan was away on patrols for 4-months at a time. He would be home for a month while the boomer sub was having a refit and readied for the next patrol. During that month he would fill Skagan’s mind with the glory of being in the Navy.

“Phil I know it’s tough being an only child and I want you to be strong. There’s plenty of space in the Navy for women and as an officer you’ll go far.” The Captain always brought gifts from his ports of call and gave her fatherly advice on matters of dating. “You have to sort out your feelings for boys. As a teenager your hormones may tell you a nice guy is a sports hero or he’s someone the other girls want and that makes him terrific. Don’t be swayed by that. Assess the boy’s personality, his sincerity and his ability to consider others. Most teenage males and males any age are all about themselves. Look at the ones who consider themselves last as the good ones.”

And Claude seemed like one of the good ones. He smiled at her and looked at her face more than he looked at her boobs. He hadn’t been fresh although her girlfriends said that it was abnormal for a guy not want to “feel you up”.

“There’s a great college flick up at the drive-in this weekend. How about taking it in Phil?” The sincere acne-free face maintained eye contact.

“Okay.” She scanned his athletic form up-and-down again. “But let’s just tell my mom we’re going to a movie. Don’t mention the drive-in”

Remick parked his father’s Oldsmobile 4-door sedan at the back rows of the drive-in. Families with kids chose the areas close to the screen or close to the concession building. Remick wanted privacy. He had Skagan attach the movie speaker to her window and roll it up. The weather was cool at night and keeping the windows closed was okay with just a crack open for each one to avoid any suspicious fogging from heavy breathing.

“This is much better than the regular theatre.” Remick pushed the front seat all the way back and moved close to Skagan. He put his arm around her and looked in her eyes.

“We shouldn’t get too familiar Claude. I mean there are still people all around.”

“C’mon Phil. Look outside. No one’s paying attention to us. Most of the cars around here are couples like us. You can’t see any heads.” He kissed her and lingered a fraction of a space from her lips. “See. Isn’t that nice?”

It was nice and she put her hand on the back of Claude’s head for another longer kiss. Something was happening. She felt a warmth in her lower tummy she had never felt before. It was her father, not her mother, who gave her explicit detail of sexual anatomy, getting pregnant and how to prevent it. He taught her about why she had periods not just that she had them and his knowledge of venereal disease made her wonder if she should ever have a sexual experience in her lifetime. She heard her father’s words and could see him with closed eyes as Claude’s left hand rested on her right breast.

“Phil most boys carry a condom in case of a romantic encounter. It’s normal behavior.” Captain Skagan touched her shoulder. “I want you to have these. A life can be ruined with an unwanted pregnancy along with an unsuitable life-long mate.” He gave her a 3-pack of plastic packaged condoms.

Claude moved from her lips to her neck and Skagan couldn’t suppress a moan. The warmth in her tummy was now lower and her pelvis was on fire. Claude’s left hand moved under her blouse to her back and he unhooked her bra.

“Oh Claude we shouldn’t. I’ve never done this.”

“Neither have I Phil. I never found anyone I wanted to make this commitment with.”

The words seemed so right, so proper. Claude moved her hand to his groin. She could feel his penis growing. Her heart began beating faster and her breathing was deepening. Claude was lightly touching her nipples. She was tingling all over. Oh my God. I can’t stop. I don’t want to stop.

The sounds of the movie starting came from the small audio box. Claude turned the volume up to cover their murmurs and moans. He reached between her legs under her panties. She could tell she was wet down there.

“Do you want me to stop Phil?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think so.” She let him remove her panties and he removed his trousers. She was amazed at the size his penis had become. She reached for it. The tip was moist. “Claude we have to use protection. Please don’t hurt me. I’ve never done it before. I don’t know what to do.”

“We’ll be okay. I’ll pull out before anything happens. I didn’t bring anything with me.”

“Claude how could you be so shortsighted. Wait. I have something in my bag.” She reached for the plastic container her father had given her over three months ago.

“Wow. These are the good ones. They’re lubricated.”

They both laughed. She laughed because it seemed funny her father had such foresight and she wanted to say, “They’re a gift from my dad.”