THE HAPPY HAT

Kaplan’s mouth dropped open when the short, attractive Skagan came onto the ward. How can this cute caring nurse induce such distancing among her peers?

Skagan stopped at the entrance to the cast room and she looked at the group making rounds and caught LT Sparrow’s eye. “LT Sparrow.” Skagan held eye contact when Sparrow looked her way.

The voice was neither angry nor threatening. It sounded like what it was–a summons. LT Sparrow left the ortho team and practically ran to Skagan. Sparrow stood at attention next to Kaplan who was now face-to-face in front of the cast-removal “Nazi” officer.

“LT Sparrow is this the new Senor Corpsman in charge of the cast room?”

“Yes ma’am.” Sparrow swallowed before and after her reply.

Skagan put her hands on her hips and looked Kaplan over. “Is that my list in your hand Mr. Kaplan?”

Kaplan looked down at the stern yet comely face. “Yes ma’am.” He maintained eye contact and didn’t flinch.

Skagan snatched the paper from his hand and scanned it from top-to-bottom and back again. “You have one with a total body cast–Sgt William Stiles. His cast is to be removed and replaced at the earliest possible time.” She paused and waited for Kaplan to blink. He didn’t. “When is that going to be Kaplan?”

“Dr. Norman is going to review his admission X-rays after they’re taken tomorrow and a decision will then be forthcoming ma’am.”

“I can see from here Stile’s head is incorporated into the cast. That means the cast must be removed in the OR because of possible spinal column injury. I want you to schedule it with the OR as soon as you have a removal date. And that means you’re to give me the date tomorrow after you and LT Norman come to a decision.” She turned to LT Sparrow who looked pale. “LT Sparrow call me when the casts on these others are to be removed for placement in the bio-containment sealed disposal bags.” She turned back to Kaplan. “I personally see to the collection and disposal of these casts. They represent biological contaminated waste. Both you and LT Sparrow are to sign off on their transfer to my toxic waste team.”

“Yes ma’am.” Kaplan had to suppress a grin. This little Napoleon of a nurse was a real control freak.