I started my normal stretching when this really huge guy walked into the weight room. I looked at him, with his rippling muscles and gigantic biceps that seemed too big for the rest of his body hopeful that he didn’t notice me watching him. And then he caught me straight in the eyes. Busted. I looked down immediately at my slightly overweight body and I could feel my face turning red with embarrassment. I could almost hear a small chuckle over the airwaves in my ears coming from the really huge muscle man. I got disgusted with this guy and I no longer had the energy to work out in the same room with him.
I continued my stretching and noticed as He-Man took over a machine that works the forearms. I watched as he pulled the pin out of the weights and set it to the highest setting, two hundred and twenty pounds. Jesus Christ, I thought. Didn’t guys like him have their own weights at home? Did they really think that they could just take advantage of the gym like that? Man, I was really getting angry.
He-Man jumped on the machine and grunted with every rep. He was loud enough that I could hear him over my radio. I turned up the airwaves, and could hear Royal Crown Revue playing, so I tried to ignore the annoying He-Man on the other side of the room. His grunting over my radio made that very hard.
He-Man stood across from me in the middle of the arena. I knew it was He-Man by his body for his head was that of a bull; ring in nose blowing off a misty snarl. I looked around as the crowd cheered him on. Greek times, I thought for everyone including myself and my bull-headed competitor were in white garb, laurel leaves around my head, a golden rope for a belt and hard sandals kicking up the dirt on the floor of the arena.
Like I said, the crowd cheered him on as he raised his arms to control their uproar of cheers. Astounded, I looked around to notice I was holding a massive sword, as was my opponent. He swung it around like it was a paperweight, and I could barely lift the arm that was holding my weapon. He saw this and smiled. He looked me dead in the eye from across the dirt arena and I realized this was probably where I was going to die or live victoriously.
He charged and I tried to run dragging my weapon behind me, the crowd still cheering him on. I had no idea what to do so I just ran toward him. Royal Crown Revue still playing in my ears and the crowd tried to drown out their swingin’ horn section. I stopped dead in my tracks and faced him trying to stare him into chickening out of this outrageous battle. The crowd gasped as I stopped running.
The ginormous bull stopped, stunned that I had made such a move. I lifted my sword with two hands, and believe me; it took every bit of energy to keep it in the air as it swayed slowly in my arms. He lifted his sword as well and the crowd fell completely silent. He screamed his nasty bull scream and then began to charge me with his weapon aimed at my throat. My heart pounding, arms swaying I had no clue what to do. I stood fast with my weapon raised ready for my demise.
I heard his scream getting louder as he approached me. I closed my eyes for a split second awaiting death and that’s when my knees buckled and I fell to the dirt covered ground, the smoke from the dirt came afloat as I opened my eyes and blurred my vision. My sword still in two hands surprisingly stayed upright as I fell and suddenly I felt this incredible weight falling in my direction.
I then realized that my competitor, the bull, had run straight into my sword. I saw his face in astonishment falling in slow motion in my direction. His sword fell with a strong thud on the loose dirt and I saw blood trickle from his lip. I let go of my weapon instinctively and watched the bull fall to the ground face first. The dust clouds faded from my fall and arose again with He-Man’s. The crowd still silent until I stood up victoriously.
“Excuse me,” he said pulling out my ear bud and interrupting my glorious dream. “Are you going to use that machine or just sit there?” I looked up and saw He-Man’s sweaty forearms in an L shape with his hands on his hips. I didn’t say anything. I simply got up and decided to head to the pool. He was lucky that there was a commercial on the radio or I would have been really upset that he interrupted my little morning surveillance of my employees.
I started to leave the weight room and gave one last glance over my shoulder to good old He-Man. He was twisting away in my ab machine, once again grunting away with every rep. Bastard, I thought. He’ll get his someday indeed. And I hope that it’s from a fat fuck like me. Ha, wouldn’t that be the day!
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