Not For A Moment

One Man’s Thoughts

Leo

I never thought an innocent yet casual smile—a simple gesture really—would have left me facing life alone. Again. Why did it seem as if I were doomed to keep repeating my motherfucking past? You’d think I’d learned, but once again, I was drawn to her.

Rachel.

Life with her was supposed to be different. Her kiss—a promise of something lasting—was all the evidence I thought I needed. Without words she told me, repeatedly, that she was still mine.

Always mine.

Not his.

She could never belong to him.

I clung to her unspoken vow of loving me forever and made it my own—to treat Rachel like the queen she deserved to be. No man had done that for her. He certainly wouldn’t.

Our relationship wouldn’t be like the others though. She’d appreciate me and look forward to my affection. I planned to spend endless hours with my angel—talking to her, eating with her, making love to her day and night. I only wanted to share my world with her. It was how it should be.

But none of that would happen. Not unless I proved to her that he was all wrong for her. Again.

She doesn’t want you though. You don’t have a regular job. Your heart is too black for someone so pure.

Rachel gave you a glimpse of her true self. She’s just another woman like Suzanne—selfish, short-sighted…unlovable. Every woman is like that. When will you learn?

No, no, no.

Not true. Not for a moment.

Rachel was nothing like that vindictive bitch. I just moved too fast.

Yeah, that was the problem. I shouldn’t have suggested we move in together. Maybe Rachel was afraid of the commitment. It was too soon—an act of ridiculous desperation.

Patience.

I must be patient with Rachel.

You were tolerable with Suzanne—practically a saint. Remember how that turned out?

Humph. It was true. I gave that woman everything—all the best parts of me. She had my undivided attention along with my unsworn adoration. I would have given her the world—and I tried to, over and over again. But she didn’t treasure what we had. Suzanne abused the privilege. It took me a while to see it, and when I did, it was almost too late. I’d allowed myself to fall for her. Thankfully, reason spoke loudly. I listened and made sure that Suzanne’s trifling words would never be heard again.

I had a second chance with Rachel.

She’d come around—she did before. The woman just required a little encouragement. Someone to aid her in seeing that I was the one she needed in her life, not that overzealous, pompous-ass cop.

She didn’t know him the way I did. No one did. If people knew the man I knew, they’d run for the hills. He was the real danger, not me. He was the one that women questioned—grew afraid of—not me. He was a serious threat. I wouldn’t sit by and let him harm Rachel. He’d gotten away with that shit before, but not again.

I’d eventually educate her. Help her learn about his true inner self. In the meantime, I’d give her a little space. Let Rachel feel what it was like not to have me around. Once she missed me, then she’d accept me. Accept my love.

I wasn’t the one who was wrong. We love who we love when we’re ready for it. Despite the wall that Rachel erected, it wasn’t too soon for us to be together.

Why did every woman want to put boundaries on love? They claimed to want the fairytale experience, but when a happily-ever-after moment fell into their laps, they pushed it away. Suddenly, they were afraid. Sometimes we got what we asked for in life—the good and the bad.

Loving Rachel was something I was meant to do. She’d see that soon enough.

They all would.