Acts of Surrender

I felt another presence in the room. I opened my eyes and peered through the clouds of steam. I saw no one.

“Hello?”

No answer.

I closed my eyes again. Immediately, I sensed a white-robed man staring at me from across the room. He was tall, dark-haired, with a trim beard and mustache and a muscular build. A gold coronet rested on his head.

“Who are you?” I asked silently.

“My name is Arctur,” I sensed rather than heard.

“Right,” I thought dismissively. My mind is still focused on Bodie and his Arcturian stories. It’s playing tricks on me.

“This is no trick. I am Arctur,” he repeated.

Once again, I was channeling. I don’t know how long we conversed. Time had no meaning among the mystical swirls of steam.

“If Bodie’s from Arcturus,” I challenged, “where am I from?”

“Not that it matters,” he replied, “but you’re from Sirius...and stop being so serious.”

I was too serious, too much of the time.

“There is someone here who wants to speak with you,” Arctur said a few moments later.

I waited.

“Because this is so close to the anniversary of your father’s death...” Suddenly I sensed my father’s presence, Sydney’s presence. My heart started to race.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be the father you wanted me to be,” my father said. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you in all the ways you deserved.”

I began to sob.

“But I loved you and I still love you,” he continued. “And I’m so proud of what you’re doing and what you’re becoming. I couldn’t be a role model for you, but you’re now a role model for me. I’m watching you. I’m with you. I’m learning from you. Thank you.”

Moments later, I sensed that Sydney and Arctur had left. I was alone, still crying. I opened my eyes. The steam room was empty. I wiped my face, collected myself and returned to my room.

How close to the anniversary is it? I fired up my laptop and opened my file of significant dates.

As close as it could be. My father had died twenty-nine years earlier — on that day.