When Hearts Heal

The ocean sparkled before her gaze, at once soothing and enticing her to consider where she was, and where she wanted to be. She was surprised when tears sprang to her eyes.

Oh, Zack, she whispered. I miss you so much.

Swiping at her cheeks, she took a sip of the tea and tried to listen to her own thoughts. I don’t feel angry any more.

Well, that was a relief. She’d had enough of the mad roiling through her system, interfering with her focus, making her second guess her decision to step away.

Mer had assumed the tubs, the massages, would be an anodyne to her pain. But there was more. Being here, seemingly so far away, she had perspective. Thinking back, the whole thing with that woman Cynthia had been a one-two punch. First, the letter. Second, the histrionics at the hospital.

But it was Cynthia who’d delivered these punches, not Zack. In the case of the letter, Zack had explained it came out of the blue. As for the hospital episode—he’d known nothing about it.

I jumped to conclusions. There it was. It slapped her in the face like a fierce gust of wind coming off the ocean. And he’s tried to reach me countless times. But I refused to listen.

Meredith took a breath. What is wrong with me? I’m a stubborn idiot!

Maybe so. But there was more to it. She saw, now, that she’d been triggered. That episode with Peter last year . . . a man she’d met at a conference, then waited several weeks before dating. They’d had a thrilling and sexy time, first dining at the French Laundry restaurant, and then afterwards, at her place.

He’d seemed eminently suitable and available, a welcome change from the boring stuffed shirts she tended to encounter in the work place. That relationship had “potential” written all over it. But while she waited for his next call, she’d been called upon. By whom? By a beautiful, sexy blonde, not unlike Cynthia. And who had she turned out to be? Peter’s wife!

Now the so-called relationship had nothing but “disaster” written all over it. Mer had reported that intrusion to Ron, who was then her boss; the legal department had been called; and she’d been duly chastised, if not by Ron, then certainly by her own self recrimination. I will never be in that situation again, she’d promised herself.

So when it appeared to be repeating itself, she’d fallen right into the gaping hole of judgment. She’d thought the whole thing was about Zack. But it wasn’t. It was all about her.

Now she began to cry in earnest. What have I done? She wanted to dash back to her room, pack her bag, and race back to Calma. But what would that accomplish? By now, Zack may have  given up on her. She’d ruined the most beautiful relationship of her lifetime. And she had no one to blame but herself.