The Freedom to Feel: Finding God in the Midst of Grief and Trauma

None of us live a pain-free life. We all have wounds and struggle with disappointments and loss. And indeed, we are all broken. Grief is universal yet can feel like a wilderness of pain and emotions you’re navigating alone. In reality, it takes breaking ties with the lie that God is good only when life is good, but when things aren't so good, He ghosts us, causing us to rock our knees in grief and suffering while we minimize our pain to move on.
There’s no white-knuckling ourselves out of grief and sorrow.

As I write, I wonder what unexpected moments you’ve encountered. Did they come in the form of a phone call with a diagnosis? Or did the phone call come with sudden death or tragedy? Perhaps it wasn’t a phone call. Maybe your unexpected moment is a teenager staggering in drunk or giving the news of a pregnancy. Or maybe it’s a husband admitting an affair? Even though our unexpected may look differently, you may feel unprepared and unable to navigate these feelings in the wilderness of darkness.

In a culture that values strength and resilience above all else, we’re taught to suppress our emotions, to bottle them up and tuck them away, as if they are something to be ashamed of. Messages urging us to put on a brave face, keep a stiff upper lip, and move on are everywhere. But in this relentless pursuit of acceptance, we lose something precious—the freedom to feel.
Our society constructed an intricate façade shunning vulnerability, deeming it a sign of weakness. We’re conditioned to believe that displaying emotions is an act of self-indulgence or attention-seeking, so we hide our tears, grief, and heartache behind a mask of stoic composure. But in doing so, we deny ourselves the essence of our humanity—the raw, unfiltered experience of the full spectrum of emotions.

Little did we know that suppressing our emotions can separate us from God and each other. Our white-knuckling through grief is forfeiting a deeper bond with God in the depths of our feelings. It’s hard to believe, but when we fully experience our emotions, we create space for God to meet us in our vulnerability. In our tears, He offers His comforting embrace. In our anger, He provides His gentle guidance, and in our despair, He shows His unwavering hope. In the rawness of our emotions, we encounter a God who is not distant or aloof but intimately involved in every aspect of our lives.

Pastor John Ortberg unravels this truth in his book Soul Keeping: "If you ask people who don't believe in God why they don't, the number one reason will be suffering. If you ask people who believed in God when they grew most spiritually, the number one answer will be suffering." (Ortberg, John. Soul Keeping: Caring for the Most Important Part of You. United States: Zondervan, 2014.) We can't be afraid of grief and suffering. Your grief matters, and I believe God longs to meet us there with his goodness. Then, we can come out on the other side of our pain and suffering with greater awareness of God and His promises.

Our emotions can become a conduit for spiritual growth as we surrender our burdens to God and allow His presence to infuse our healing journey. In the freedom to feel, we open ourselves to divine encounters, where God's love meets us in the depths of our sorrow and transforms our brokenness into beauty.