My widow friend Dawn says she hates when people say you get to choose how you perceive the loss. Really? Like me, she didn’t choose to wake up one day and feel immense sorrow. To suggest we choose how we perceive the loss is unrealistic. I understand why people say that; in my past, I might have said that too. But, it’s unrealistic to perceive the loss of your spouse as anything but painful and extremely sad. Maybe people like Jesus or the Dalai Lama could perceive the loss as something beneficial or okay. But for us mere mortals, that’s just not realistic.
Dawn also hates when people tell her, “Everything happens for a reason.” In fact, while I’ve wanted to tell people to fuck off upon hearing this, she has actually done it. That is awesome! She makes me proud.
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