I also regret tremendously that we didn’t remove his thyroid sooner. A lump developed on his thyroid, and the doctor suggested we have the thyroid removed. Two different biopsies indicated there was no cancer in the lump, so I stubbornly resisted getting his thyroid out. I told Reg not to remove the thyroid. I believed in healing things naturally. After all, we have a thyroid for a reason. Why would we remove his thyroid when there wasn’t a reason? But, it turns out that an aggressive form of cancer developed on his thyroid and as you know, I’ve now lost him. I ask all the time if he would still be alive if we had just taken his thyroid sooner.
I regret that I didn’t do enough to make his life easier. I wish I had kept the house cleaner and cooked for him. I despised cooking, so I rarely made him dinner. Instead, after a long day at work, he had to cook for himself. Similarly, I was perfectly content sitting in our backyard even though there were weeds. He hated the weeds and would be the one to pull them up and to handle all the gardening work. Now, of course, I have to handle all the gardening and weeds, so clearly I am—and was—capable. Yet, I let him do it. Why didn’t I do everything I could to minimize his stress? I often wonder if he would be alive if maybe I had made his life less taxing and made our home a sanctuary, a place where he could have physically relaxed. That makes my stomach hurt to even ponder, as the guilt is tremendous.
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