As I Lay Pondering

July 12

Cycles of Shedding

“The wise ones who journey with me remind me that there

are cycles of shedding before there is conception, that

birthing is painful and messy and loud, and that we find it

so hard to let go, to open so that new life can emerge.” Jan L.

Richardson

efore me lies a table full of photos of a young girl.

B Me. I see my second birthday; my fifth; another

one or two. I think I look dorky, sullen, and goofy. I

also witness a face that is brilliant, wise, and beautiful.

Inside all these photos are both joy for the life I’ve lived

and pain for areas that could have been better. Feeling

the pain in messy and loud ways has been essential to

arrive at the place of birth and new life. I’ve come

through a painful journey and have fought to find

what is true for me. Cycles of shedding have been my

constant companions throughout recent years.

My childhood was one of imperfection—perhaps

everyone’s is. I know I was cared for, although not

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always in the ways I desired. Most of the pictures

before me are studio portraits with perfect hair and

carefully selected clothing. One photo, however, rises

to the forefront. I am eight years old and only a few

weeks before the picture, I fell off my bicycle and broke

my front teeth. My lip was split so badly it would

droop for several years before being surgically

corrected. Ironically, it is this slightly disheveled

picture that engages me as most authentic. It is the only

picture that bears my signature, both literally and

figuratively. My gratitude swells as I see my young

handwriting testifying to the spunk I had even in my

brokenness.

I am grateful for the table full of pictures I did not

think existed. They show me someone took care to

document my life, however perfectly and imprecisely.

These photos bear witness to my life. They allow me to

see the cycles of growth, including the spaces of

sullenness, beauty, brilliance, brokenness, and spunk.

Each phase led to a new space. Each year and memory

gave way for new life to emerge.

• Take a piece of fruit or vegetable that can be

peeled and set it where you can examine it closely.

• Notice any imperfections while also taking in the

beauty and uniqueness of this creation.

• Consider what might need to be peeled away

before you could enjoy its full flavor.

• What needs to be shed from your life to experience

personal wholeness?