Anticipation Day

August 1804

Eric never forgot the pain of losing his father—the shock, the anger, and mostly the sense of helplessness. Despite knowing there was nothing he could have done to prevent it, the pain never really faded.

So, when Charles died about a month after leaving Camp Whitefish, Eric was devastated by the same sting of grief. Even though he reminded himself it was only a simulation and part of the journey, the loss felt no easier than when his father died.

Initially, when Charles became ill, Eric didn’t think much of it. Based on the recent weather, Eric hoped it was merely a temporary sickness that would pass in a few days.

On August 1st, Captain Clark’s birthday, the sergeant appeared to be doing just fine, drinking and dancing into the early morning hours. However by August 18th, Captain Lewis’ birthday, Charles had taken a hard turn for the worse.

While members of the expedition, including Captain Clark’s servants, York and Peter, tried their best to take care of him, there was only so much they could do.

Eric did his best to comfort Charles, but he wasn’t eating and seemed to be in constant discomfort and pain, sleeping most of the day. Despite his condition, he still managed to write in his journal until August 18th where Eric helped him relay notes about the expulsion of a member who ran off from the expedition, was eventually caught and made to run the gauntlet five times.

The gauntlet was basically just a beat down by a line of soldiers and was no fucking joke. Given Charles wasn’t well enough to see it for himself, Eric had to describe it in pretty good detail so Charles could write it in his journal.

It reminded Eric of when the boys recently tested for black belt in Ju-Jitsu, and they had something called the “Chain of Pain,” where the kids essentially got their asses handed to them by a row of black belts for about 15 straight minutes. It was difficult to watch, as some of the other kids in the testing were crying, but his kids made it through and earned their black belts.

However, the gauntlet was different, especially since Eric, as George, got to do some of the beating. He wasn’t going to lie; it felt damn good to hit this guy multiple times for running away. At this point, Eric felt like a true member of the expedition, and for anyone to just give up and try to leave was disheartening and angering. So, when Eric participated in this running of the gauntlet, he definitely “participated.”

Two days later, that good feeling completely faded as Eric watched his friend—yes, his friend—Sergeant Charles Floyd, pass away. Robert was with Eric as they wrapped his body in cloth when Eric began sobbing uncontrollably.

Eric didn’t know why. Maybe it was because he was upset about Charles. Perhaps he was letting go of everything he had held inside him over the past decades. Perhaps he just missed his dad. It could have been all those things combined.

Robert put his arm on Eric’s shoulder and the tearless crying eventually stopped, leaving Eric feeling unexpectedly lighter and at peace.

It was at this moment that Eric realized he had changed. He was done wasting his life worrying about his career and what would happen at his accounting firm. Sure, he wanted to keep his job and be a partner in the company, but he knew it would be okay if things didn’t work out the way he wanted.

Life would go on.

Eric had a wonderful wife who ran a successful business, three exceptional children whom he hoped still loved him, great friends, and an awesome big brother who was always there for him. Deep down, he knew his father would want him to stop wasting so much time worrying about his career and focus more on his kids and his family.

Sitting quietly alone with Sergeant Floyd as Robert went to tell the captains, Eric closed his eyes and proclaimed, “Thank you, sir. Thank you for the chats by the campfire. You gave me a reason to get up in the morning and look forward to the day’s end. You taught me to see again. I am eternally grateful. I know you were a good man in real life, and I hope you rest in peace. Amen.”

He opened his eyes, covered Sergeant Floyd’s body with another blanket, and waited for the captains to arrive.