A Bloodied Tapestry

January 31, 1968, 1:30 p.m.

My Darling Louisa,

I am in Saigon in a hospital, and there is a bloody war going on right up the street. Now to begin at the beginning—if I am intelligible.

I was ordered back to Saigon because word got out that yours truly was taking horrible risks, and there were concerns that Kon Tum was about to be overrun. Overall, our security was in question when one of our IVS team was shot and killed by the Viet Cong—or ARVN?10 Our efforts to be neutral as a team can make us unpopular with everyone.

So, about a week ago, I drove my trusty Scout onto the back of army transport plane (a Caribou flown by Australians fearlessly crazy) from Kon Tum and flew with it to Tan Son Nhut in Saigon. And then I drove the Scout to IVS headquarters. Fastest time ever between those two destinations! Sometime in the next couple of days…I remember feeling quite unwell. I remember looking down as I urinated, noticing the pain and being quite concerned when my urine was iridescent green. Not good.

I remember being taken to a French hospital accompanied by IVS friends and staff to be admitted. I remember feeling very, very unwell. I lost track of time. I remember standing naked in a toilet closet off main hall…no door…fluids coming out of all orifices at once…including eyes and ears. I cannot remember the misery I felt. I was in isolation. Probable diagnosis: typhoid fever. Turns out that wise old French doctor, having seen it a lot, got it right enough and saved my life. But it was late to treat, so the disease advanced…to suffer.

I remember being told that evening, on what turned out to be the eve of Tet ‘68, that I might not make it to morning and to say my prayers. No priest. Sometime in the night, I remember a loud and sustained popping noise in background…I did not understand what was happening (Tet is celebrated with millions of firecrackers). Whether fever, dream, or reality, I do not know…in the middle of the night, I saw a soldier with a gun in darkened doorway, pointing it at me. I could see his toothy mouth in the dim light as he turned away. Perhaps seeing my skeleton so near to death, he decided not to waste a bullet on me. God’s mercy!

I was awakened at dawn by those all too familiar sounds of war: mortar and machine gun not far away. A lot. Seemed both friendly and hostile. I was aware immediately that I was going to live…my fever broke. I turned a corner in the night.