Of Such Is The Kingdom, A Novel of Biblical Times in 3 parts

The palace of Aretas, king of Arabia Pretoria, was huge and ornate.  It had taken about three weeks for the entourage to reach the palace.  Herod had sent several of his guards with wagons loaded with gifts.  Samantha had tried to sabotage the gifts, but the guards had restrained her.  She screamed and struggled for the first part of the trip.  Then she settled down and simply muttered and murmured under her breath, “He won’t be impressed by these trinkets anyway!  He’ll show you, you big moron!  He’ll show you!”

Aretas had been sitting on his throne next to his wife. They had just been talking about Herod and Samantha:

“I wonder how Samantha is doing, there in Tiberius.”

“Oh, I’m sure everything is fine, there, even though we haven’t had any word from her for a while.”

“But that Herod is a funny character.  You never know what to expect from him.”

“I suppose you’re right about that.  Say, what is that?  Sounds like something coming.”

“Well, look at that!  It’s a caravan.”

“I wonder where it’s from.”

“Well, let’s go and find out.”

“Why, look!  It’s Samantha, isn’t it?”

“Sure looks like her.  What could this mean?”

“Why, Samantha, dear, how good to see you again!  And to what do we owe this visit?”

“I’m afraid it’s not just a visit, Daddy.  Herod is tired of me. He’s sending me back.”

“He’s what?”

“That’s right, Daddy.  He’s sending me back to you.”

“Just like that?”

“Yes!  He fell in love with his brother’s wife.  He plans to marry her, of all things!”

“So, he’s a bold faced bigamist, eh?  How could he do such a thing?  And what is all of this?  Does he think he can buy me off with gifts?  Does he think that because he offers me a few trinkets, I won’t be offended by this outrage?  That’s what it is, an outrage!  How dare he send my daughter back to me, like some worn out piece of clothing or stale piece of meat!  I’ll show that fox!”  He called to the guard who was standing nearby.  “Asad!  Prepare the army for an invasion.  I shall return Herod’s trinkets to him, along with something he’s not expecting!”

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About the same time that the caravan arrived in Arabia, John the Baptist arrived in Tiberius.  As he preached on the streets of the city, he began to draw crowds.  One day as he was calling for everyone to repent, someone in the crowd cried out, “Hey! Why don’t you preach this to that fox, Herod?  He’s th’ one who really needs to hear it.”

“And why is that?” asked  John.

“Haven’t you heard?  It’s common knowledge by now.  He sent his wife back to her father and is going to marry his brother, Philip’s wife, with whom he is now living.”

Aha, thought John, this is just the big sin I’ve been looking for.  The LORD has sent me here, indeed!  But aloud, he said, “Alright, then, tomorrow I shall begin preaching on the palace lawn.  Join me there.  And if that isn’t enough, I shall seek an audience with the king himself.”

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Herodius arrived at the palace early the next day.  After a few kisses, Herod asked her, “So, my dear, have you informed Philip of our plans?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact, just the other night.  But it seems he was already aware of them.  The whole thing is public gossip by now, you know.”

“So it is, which is why we must finalize our plans as quickly as possible.  But, tell me, what did the old goat say?”

“Philip?  Ah, he was somewhat surprised, that’s about all.  But he said he wouldn’t divorce me.  His marriage to me gives him too much respectability.”

“Well, then, my dear, you shall have the distinct honor of being one the few women around these parts who has two husbands.  What do you think of that?”