Of Such Is the Kingdom Part III—The Early Church and the Roman Empire

“I’m giving in too much to the people.”

“So you finally realized I was right—that you should be more though? What happened to your idea of a democracy?”

“That was a foolish notion. I don’t know why I ever thought of it. Of course the people don’t know what’s good for them. How can they?”

She smiled broadly. “There! That’s my Pilate talking.”

“Yes, but I don’t always follow my own thinking. I give in to the people too much.”

“Well, you’ll learn. Give it time.”

“But In the meantime, I could keep making mistakes that can hurt people.”

“Like what?”

“Like allowing them to crucify that Jesus fellow. I knew he was innocent. I should have stood up to them.”

“I know. I warned you that I dreamt about him. I thought you were going to release him.”

“I was going to. I fully intended to release him. But they were so insistent. I even offered them a choice between him and Barabbas, the murderer who led the insurrection. I was sure they would pick him. ” His voice cracked and a tear streamed down his cheek. “But they didn’t. They chose Barabbas as the one to go free and demanded that I crucify the innocent one. And I was too weak not to give in to their demand to crucify him, especially when they said that if I let him go, I was no friend of Caesar. I’m sure Caesar wouldn’t have cared one way or the other. But they insisted and I listened to them. Oh, I washed my hands of it. Ha! What good did that do?” He looked at his hands. “A hundred washings cannot take his blood from my hands. I allowed him to be crucified—an innocent man.”

“Oh, don’t be too hard on yourself. You did what you thought you had to do.”

“No, Portia, I did what they wanted me to do. I should have listened to you. The Gods gave a warning through your dream and I should have listened. Do you think he might actually be a God or messiah or something? They told me he said he would rise from the dead—had me to post guards at the tomb in case his disciple stole his body to claim he arose. But do you think it’s possible that he actually might?”

“Might what?—rise from the dead? You know better than that, Pilate. Dead men don’t rise.”

“Well whatever he was, there was just something different about him and I never should have given in to them. I should have insisted that I free him and crucify Barabbas.”

“Well, my dear Pilate, it does no good to beat yourself up over it now. It’s done, so forget about it.”

“That’s easy for you to say, Portia, dear. The fact is, I can’t forget about it. It’s on my mind constantly. I see his innocent face before me in my mind’s eye every day. Some nights I can’t sleep for thinking about him.”

“I know." She smiled. "You woke me the other night and we made love to take your mind off of it. Remember?”

“Of course I remember. But I wonder if that will always work.”

She smiled slyly with a glint in her eye. “We can certainly keep trying can’t we? Anyway, maybe once we get back in Caesarea, these thoughts of what happened here will go away.”

He sighed. “I certainly hope so.”

“So come on then, to bed, shall we, my love?”

But Pilate and Portia didn’t sleep very well that night either. Portia was sleeping soundly in the middle of the night, when all of a sudden she was awakened by her husband’s voice yelling: “Not this man! He’s innocent! Take Barabbas, not him!”

She shook him to awaken him from his nightmare. “O’ Pilate, my Pilate,” she sighed. “What am I going to do with you? This has simply got to stop. I’ll go to the apothecary tomorrow and see if there is anything you can take to calm you while you’re here. In the meantime, come here!”

He smiled slyly. “Why are you complaining? You know you like making love to me.”

“I’m not complaining. But this might not always work. And anyway, it would just be better for you to take something.”

“Yes, I guess I could use a sedative. This work is getting on my nerves. But in the meantime---”

She reached for his arm. “In the meantime, come here!”